197 Communication Changes Everything

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Why Communication Matters Most

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Welcome back to I'm Growing Man. Shman John D in the vehicle. We're headed to Cincinnati and I wanted to jump on here because it's something that I feel like is really important. Those of you that's been following along, I want you to know that communication is something that I feel like everybody should be practicing. And I say that it reduces a lot of misunderstandings, a lot of arguments, discrepancies. So I just wanted to get on here and say a few things that I think if you worked on this, it can help you. And the more you work on it, the better you become when it comes to communicating. So if you don't practice it, you can't get better. Just understand that. But if you're listening to this, even if you don't practice, the seed has been planted. So if you're a person that argues a lot, people say you always gotta be right, or you, you know, you're probably not a really good communicator. And when I say that, I'm saying that communication is supposed to be the exchange of information. And a lot of times people get into a competitive, like, I gotta be right on everything. It's not really about being right, it's about coming to an understanding that you have your beliefs and I have mine. And let's see how, you know, can it benefit us? I see people argue about things that they can't control. Like who's better than who? Like, to me, I feel like those are poor communicators. Like, if you're friends, why would you find a way, get into a misunderstanding where people could lose their temper and say mean things? And the reason why I'm saying this because I remember being this person, describing myself. Maybe I'm the one that pushed the envelope, but uh, like I said, a lot of my uh videos are for people that's looking for something else to listen to. Because what I my the goal in all of these videos is to help people and like get a message sooner than I got it. I didn't get this message until after I was full, like 41. And I'm I'm I'm blessed, I'm grateful. But if I could have learned some things prior, like communication, like like worked on it on purpose, this is one thing you guys can do. And this is what I'm I was just thinking how could I really monitor how much practice I'm

Tracking Practice With Daily Videos

SPEAKER_00 2:24

doing? So I have a subscription. Well, I guess you don't even have to have a subscription, but on YouTube, you can create your own like channels or whatnot. So I have a communication channel, and every time I watch one, a communication, I just put it in a folder. And sometimes I can go back, but it it lets me know that I'm listening and trying to be more intentional. But now I think I'm going to separate about a year because I I think I just have too many videos in this particular one. So uh, and in case other people want to know what I'm I'm listening to, I can share it and they won't get lost. But I do believe communication, hands down, is the most important skill set that anyone can have. And if you're an effective communicator, you pretty much can get anything you want. Because if you're an effective communicator, you can convince people to give you information you need to become whatever you're looking for. And a lot of times, if you're not a good communicator, you don't know how to ask for help. You can't get anywhere by yourself. And if you do, it's gonna be very difficult. So there are people out here that want to help you. That's how important you are. That's over backward for you, but you have to want it. And this is another thing I want to

Grow Without Needing Applause

SPEAKER_00 3:41

tell you. Whenever any of you decide to go on a journey of it proven, don't look for people to recognize your growth. Like, don't remind people that you know you're on your journey and whatever, because a lot of times people aren't only people that's going to love that you're on a journey are people that's on the journey too. Most of the time, when people aren't on the journey, they don't want to hear it. And I don't want it to discourage you because if you put in the work, you'll get the results you deserve. A lot of times we get discouraged by people thinking that people are supposed to be our cheerleaders. Like you'll have cheerleaders in due time, but you have to want it for yourself. You can't do it because you can't want to do it because you're looking for somebody to uh cheer you on. I hear like people need this and that. You don't need anything but a will, a will to do whatever you say you're gonna do. Something I told my wife I showed her. She already knew though, but a lot of you guys, if you talk out loud and say what you're gonna do, your body's like a machine, you're in charge of it. That's why I like the journey's cold, because you're learning to really master your body so that you can increase your quality of life. But through communication, when you can say the right things, when the right things are supposed to be said, where you can feel confident opening your mouth, when you can be silent when you know that you're probably there to listen. There are different rules to this thing where you won't offend people if you know them. Being able to read a room, even your own body language. Your body language says a lot. I haven't got really good at it, but I do know that I try to be very present because I don't want people to feel like they're not important. So when I'm working on communication, it's it's really to just make sure that I haven't forgot something. I don't practice everything all the time, but it's something that I'm practicing. Right now,

Ask Questions Before You React

SPEAKER_00 5:33

what I really want to do is when somebody says something that I don't agree with, that I ask questions to get clarity. And I want to be able to restate what I think I heard so that they can correct me. I give a response. Because a lot of times we give responses because we think we know what the other person's saying. And then if you say it in a way that, you know, where it's a conflict, it can become it can spin out of control because a lot of times the way that we talk to each other, it can be disrespectful when you're upset. And disrespect has to be on purpose. So if we learn to ask a question, like, hey, what did you mean by this when you did this? They could tell you because we typically respond to what we think is disrespectful. And I'm telling you, if you can ask a couple of questions and repeat what you think you heard, this will make cold. Like, and in and I'm saying it because the younger you are, the easier it is it's gonna be for you to get what you need to get to the next level. There are different things that you're gonna have to fulfill, but the better communicator you are, communication is one of those things where no matter what you do in life, if you improve it, everything else improves. Best benefit out of being a great communicator is whoever you end up being with, you guys are gonna have great conversations. It'll make you a different person. I just know the way that I feel about working on communication and the results that I've gotten. I truly believe that everybody can benefit. Everybody in the world can benefit from working on communication on purpose every single day. I've

Triggers, Trauma, And Talking It Out

SPEAKER_00 7:13

been fixated with working on being a better communicator because my wife said something to me that made me just look at things differently. Like sometimes your childhood trauma, if you haven't dealt with it, like through therapy, through journaling, somebody to talk to, you don't know. You you pick up on different things to protect you. And when you're in a relationship, if you haven't talked about it, and there's a lot of things you don't talk about unless it comes up. You know, people don't realize how much their partner don't know about them. It's just because it hasn't come up. But if you guys learn how to respond to people when when they trigger you, like just be aware of it. Because they didn't do it to make you mad. And if you would have told them that, you know, that it was a problem, they wouldn't have done it on purpose if it's your friend. But you know, we make mistakes, but a lot of times we still overreact thinking some people know the rules that can keep you calm. I think communication be a class every grade level. Education should become a class. I know that's gonna be like a another job for, but I think it's man, that should be mandatory. I don't think an English teacher should teach it unless they feel comfortable with doing it, but they would have to get the training. You're a teacher, communications, like master, and I'm not talking about getting a degree. People allow degrees to think people are smarter than they are. I got what, three degrees, my wife got four degrees, we got all these degrees, and we owe student alones like, oh my God, we ain't that smart financially. Did we need all of these degrees? But you know, our generation had to learn the hard way. But my point is, if you're a master communicator and you're a teacher, receive your message. And I think that's what we're missing. Just because you're a teacher don't mean for you a good one. It has to be intentional. And I truly believe that we worked on it on purpose every day. Taught these students that it would if things will become more peaceful. They would be able to express what's making them upset. Because if students at a young age got therapy and they understood why they were really angry, I think they would work toward the solution. If you're not, if you don't have the finances or the resources to get that help, it's gotta be tough for a lot of families. You know, I'm just thinking like, I think everybody needs therapy. There's adults that haven't been to therapy because they have trust issues with people. This is one thing I want y'all to know. I was telling a friend of mine. These, there are people that go, they they went to college. They went to college so that they could learn to help people like you. And you can't, if you can't trust somebody who went to school to just want to help somebody like you, you're going to make life more difficult for yourself. So it's not really about trust. It's about can this person unlock some parts of you, open up to things that you you you you have gaps in. Therapy, that's why it's good to talk to people. If you could talk out loud, sometimes when you can hear your own thoughts, you and like you can correct them. You only know what you know, but sometimes if you don't get it out on paper or out it out in the world so you can hear them, they'll look muffled and it won't make sense. And sometimes you'd be like, oh, that's why that's what it is. The best part of the journey is discovering things that you already have most of the answers. You just, you just have to keep working on yourself. Work on yourself, you unlock different parts of life where the quality changes and it makes you it makes you enjoy your own journey

Self-Mastery Starts With Your Diet

SPEAKER_00 10:54

more. So I'm telling you, if you end up taking it your journey, your journey should start through your diet. If you become responsible and watch what you put in your body, you'll learn, you'll learn to take care of it. No matter what age you are. A lot of the sicknesses in people's life is because of the stuff they put in their body intentionally every single day. Because you only know what you know. But where we are now in times, we have to be more responsible. And we can't get older and say this runs in my family. Are you still doing the bad practices that gave it to your family? And I think that's the reason that's look, communication. I am working on this so that one day I'm gonna be able to like say things to people and enlighten them on my journey and hopefully plant that seed that I'm talking about. Because once you the journey, you can go as fast as you want to, because you don't get tired of working on yourself. You know, you just want to make sure you do it every day. And once you realize, once you realize what it could look like, there's a version of you that you're gonna fall in love with, but it's gonna come through an intentional effort that you've never done before. To work on yourself every single day. If you get into that routine, you won't say 10 years down the line and be like, man, why did I start working on myself? You're gonna be so grateful, but there's gonna be a part of you like, why didn't I start sooner? Then you got to tell yourself, you'll only know what you know. But once you get on a journey and you start looking for new information, better information, it's it's way more fun this way. Learning how to master your body puts you in better situations for you to achieve. Like, for real, for real. Those of you remember again, this message is for those who's looking for it, right?

De-Escalation And Representing Peace

SPEAKER_00 12:37

So communication is dire. The benefits of being a better communicator, you get in less fights, less misunderstandings. It ain't about people agreeing with you, it's about you speaking in a way where it doesn't offend somebody. And sometimes people say, I don't care, I said what I said. But if you said what you said and you didn't mean to offend anybody, the right thing to do is you'd be like, My bad, my apologies. Because people take things in the wrong way. And I don't want that to happen for people. Like, I wish I learned how to communicate sooner. But you uh master communication. Well, I don't think anybody in this lifetime ever master it. Because it's just it's just so many things to master. But I do believe the better you become at communicate, the less altercations you will have. Um, a lot of times people get into it just because it was a misunderstanding and they weren't able to control their emotions. One thing went one way and things got out of control. That's all communication. There was something that could have prevented or de-escalated, and that's what I want to be. I want to represent peace through words. I want people to feel like if I'm gonna be there, I want everybody to be safe. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable because I only want people to get home safely. So, whatever we're here to discuss, if if it's a misunderstanding, we need to talk about it sensibly. And I think a lot of times we resort to violence because we don't know how to communicate effectively. You know?

Journaling, Mantras, And Daily Reps

SPEAKER_00 14:07

So if you're listening to this, my suggestion, just go to YouTube and watch a communication video every single day. The more you watch, the better you become. You should journal, write, write as much as you can. If you don't got paper and pencil, get a little notes inside your phone and write your thoughts every single day. Just a sentence. Like you could put a mantra, like, I'm great on purpose, uh, I love myself. Uh now these are just things that you can put. You can put whatever, but I just want you get into the habit of writing. I've spoken about this before, but I have different times throughout the day or different sets of numbers. If I see them, I'm supposed to do something that is working on my crab. For example, uh, I wake up at four in the morning and I work on my language, I meditate, but I used to wake up around two and I used to just start my routine. So if I get to 222 or 223, I have to write. And 223, I have to write. In Habakkuk 22 to 3, if you guys look that up, it pretty much tells you that if you write it and say it, it'll happen. So I've just gotten into a practice of being able to get my thoughts out, no matter how short, how long is mine. But I highly encourage it to any and everybody. It has nothing to do with age, it has everything to do with being intentional. You will become a better person if you start writing your thoughts out, talking out loud, so you can hear. And that communication piece, you'll learn from people who's really good at what they do. And once you they they describe it, it's gonna be some people you can receive really quick because they're great communicators. They're gonna be some, I don't like this. But you should look, there's so many. Just think about it. One a day between five and five minutes to an hour, you know, that's that's a lot of time accumulated in an area that is going to give you immediate feedback and results. Depending on, like, there's gonna be times you'll be like, I'm glad I said that all. Like, how could I have said that differently? And you know what's so dope about this? You have a thousand experiences that you can reflect in your head, like, what could I have said differently to for it not to have gone that way? Like, it's kind of like a game. You may not have that experience again, but what if a similar one comes up? You want to be prepared on how you would respond so it don't get out of control. Just imagine you you mastering the art and you like it just it improves all your relationships. There's just so many reasons on why you should work on communication. Your job performance improves depending on your position. If you have to talk to people, it's a different reward if you work on communication. And if you do it every single day, I'm telling all of you guys, I suggest you do it for the rest of your life. Work on communication because you only get better, and everyone benefits from it. Those

Build A Routine And Reach Out

SPEAKER_00 17:01

of you that uh want more information on how to on what I do, just hit me up. I don't have a problem with talking about it. Because what I want to do is I want to create a safe space where people can discuss what's working for them so we can add it to our daily routine. If you don't have a daily routine, you can start at any time. My suggestion, you pick four or five things that you like to do that benefit you, that can make you a better person. Whatever you want, whether it's learning a new instrument, writing, your activity so you can be active, meditation, uh learning a language, anything literally can make you a better person. Make it a part of your routine. And what's so crazy, I even look, chess is great too. I suggest everybody work on chess because it's a wonderful brain game. If you get it, then you can only get better in it. So just pick and do it every day. And then after three months, ask yourself how much have you learned since the first time? Maybe you only did it like a week to 10 days, but you know that much more. But the more you get it indoctrinated into your daily routine, you become that much better. There's so much upside for you if you work on yourself every day. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-A-T-A. Get after that action, or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.