This video library documents my intentional pursuit of becoming the best version of myself. Every episode captures the lessons, successes, failures, questions, and conversations that are shaping me into a better husband, father, leader, and man.
My greatest goal isn't fame or recognition.
It's to become the husband my wife deserves, the father my children can always depend on, and an example that inspires others to pursue intentional growth.
Along this journey, I'm committed to mastering one of the most powerful skills a person can possess—communication. I believe the way we communicate shapes our relationships, our families, our communities, and ultimately, our lives.
I know this work will never be finished.
That's the point.
Growth isn't a destination. It's a lifelong commitment.
If you're willing to challenge your thinking, embrace accountability, and become better than you were yesterday, I invite you to walk with me.
Two weeks of back pain will humble you fast. I couldn’t move right, couldn’t work, and I kept thinking about the worst-case question: what if my body didn’t bounce back? That fear turned into gratitude and a decision to stop treating my health like it’s guaranteed.
The twist is where the problem seemed to start. I’ve talked before about not getting great sleep, but this time I trace the back and lumbar nerve pain to how I was sleeping and what my sleep study uncovered: moderate sleep apnea. We get into the real-world hesitation people have about CPAP, why “sleep therapy” sounds vague until you need it, and how small changes to sleep position and routine can reduce wake-ups and help you chase deeper recovery like REM sleep. If you’ve been searching for better sleep, sleep apnea answers, or ways to stop running on fumes, this conversation is for you.
From there, I zoom out to the bigger mission: mastering self and becoming a better communicator so people can actually receive what I’m trying to say. We also go into dating and relationships, including why men and women often treat the club as two different worlds, how attraction to the wrong “features” can derail your life, and why moving too fast creates heartbreak that’s hard to shut off. Friendship, maturity, and asking better questions early keep coming up because they protect your future.
If any part hits home, share this with someone who needs a reset, and subscribe so you don’t miss what comes next. After you listen, leave a review and tell me what you’re working on right now: sleep, communication, or relationships?
What up, Doe, and welcome back to I'm Growin' Man. It's your man John D in the building. So today's episode's gonna be a little different. He duh show a little appreciation for having the functions of my body return. For about two weeks, I was out of commission where I could not go to work and be productive at all. I had the, I mean, like literally, it was painful to walk. And sometimes when I sat, like, I think I did talk about this, but it lasted for two weeks. And this this unique experience, I just realized this when I started writing what I was gonna talk about, what I got from this. Those
of you that have been rocking with me know that I haven't I don't get the best sleep. And we found out why my sleeping was bad. You know, uh for some reason I was just sleeping the wrong way. And I had this information that said if you sleep in a certain way, that it will cause you to get better sleep. And I've been doing this for years and didn't realize I was doing it to myself. And it caused, I don't know, something in my nerves in my lower back and the lumbar region. Yeah, I did talk about this, but ooh, we I'm so grateful that everything is returned and I can get back on the journey of doing my best to work on communication so that people can receive a message versus trying to find a way to avoid it. You know, I keep telling people I come in peace, and the information I have is just to add, it's just to give you an idea of ways that you can improve your day. And remember, it's really your your intentional effort that changes results. So without it, you can't really get to wherever you're going. And some of you guys, I know, like you guys are like teeter tightering. Tomorrow's not promise. And I'm telling you, with me losing my back, it made me think like, what if I didn't get it back? No pun intended. Like, what if I needed help to walk again and to get up? And I was just like thinking my mother, a good friend of mine had a stroke. Their life just is completely different from what they've been doing for the majority of their life. And you have to have a strong will to be able to keep going forward to getting closer to what you want. And it just made me it made me want to really master my craft. Like, I truly believe that everybody, and I know people say you shouldn't talk in absolute, but everybody wants to have a better life. Whatever that looks like, that's on them. But as a child, you had dreams, even before you were compromised, whatever you were seeing, there was something better that you wouldn't mind experiencing. And when I learn to put these words together, where people can be like, Yes, I can do that. Like, it it generates a different type of energy that people don't talk about. And that's the reason why I'm telling you, once you start mastering yourself, not too many things can bother you. And this is what I'm learning along this journey. So the appreciation of my back returning into almost 100% is it's a different appreciation. If I didn't get it back, would I continue on this path? You know, I thought about that too. I was like, what if I can't go back to work? And that was a tough thing. I only got so many days I can use. I don't have long-term disability. I thought about everything. And it was like, it was tough. It was a little overwhelming. When
things started to get back to normal, I was just like, I gotta, I gotta figure out why this happened. And until today, I realized it was because of my sleep. I had a sleep study recently, and they said that I had a moderate version of sleep apnea, and they wanted me to use the CPAP machine, and I was like, nah, I can't do that yet. Because I heard, this is what I was told. If you start using it, you're not gonna come off of it because the sleep is so good. And then now you like connect it to a machine. So I was like, Doc, I can't do this. And what do you got for me? He was like, sleep therapy. So I was like, Doc, I don't know what a sleep therapist is really gonna tell me that I have not already done research or practice, but I'll give it a shot. Person not available for the next couple of weeks. So what's so crazy is when my chiropractor told me the way that I was sleeping to change it, it was tough at first.
And it's still tough. But my sleeping is longer now. It's less waking up and moving. Like at one point I used to just be overheated because the way that I slept, I was like breathing right directly into me. But now that I'm I'm back, I feel like I'm gonna I'm gonna really try to like master sleep. And I know some of you guys are like, what master sleep? Look, I don't remember the last time I had a dream. And, you know, when you don't have a dream, I mean you have dreams, but it's it's so many things clogging for me to be able to receive the whatever, you know, the the rest that I I'm really looking for. And you have to get into REM sleep. That's rapid eye movement. And when you get that, that's when your dreams occur, or that's what I believe that that's when they occur. And that's when your body's goes in like levels floor, stage four of sleep. And this is what you want your body to get because it gets like recovery. It allows you to be able to get up and go the next day. And sometimes, well, a lot of times when you don't get that, you're burning on fumes, and you could really burn your body up in different areas, like causing it to work too hard if you don't get the sleep you
need. And I'll tell you this: I remember growing up where Nas was like, I never sleep, because sleep is the cousin of death. And that's crazy because I know a group of hustlers that believe that it like you gotta make this money, like you gotta like, I can't sleep. Like, I I'll sleep when I'm dead. Like the the messaging was crazy, you know what I'm saying? And I know people still like that, but without that sleep, none of this matters. You're just gonna burn down the only vessel you're gonna get in this lifetime because of messaging that we received when we were younger. But I want to get dreams, and I am gonna do whatever I can to get better at sleeping. You know, uh I can't worry about anything I can't control, but now I feel like I have more. I went to a doctor, to a few doctors, to see what I could do, and it was so crazy. I remember the first time I went to a sleep doctor or something, and he said I was a chronic and insomniac and that I couldn't be fixed. He said, because I had been practicing those behaviors for, I don't know, like 20 years, and the behaviors was like I was sleeping out for three and a half, four hours of sleep every night. And I and I wasn't tired. Well, I guess at certain points I was tired, but I realized I didn't know that that was the reason. But when I that's why I say some, you know, some doctors only know what they know. They they know their area, and you may not fall in that area, even as this specialist right here. He said that I was I could not get better. And now we are looking at the comparison of how much better I'm sleeping. I didn't think I could get to this point, so now I'm really excited, like not to go to sleep, but to try to make the most of this experience. Because I do know I was burning too much because I wasn't getting the the rest that you know one body needs to be able to produce. And I feel like now, once my sleep gets me where I need to be, I think everything I've been working on, it'll start to come together. And well, at least that's what I'm I'm hoping for. I'm uh I'm gonna keep practicing doing what I do so that I can, you know, become a better example for anybody who's watching. You know,
like as I've maneuvered the last six or seven years, the number of men have come up to me and told me to keep doing what I'm doing. Now, these men that I'm talking about, these are solid guys. They're doing really well in their family, in the community, and they said, keep doing what you're doing, brother. It excites me because they don't have to tell me that. And hearing that information makes me want to work on communication even more because there are a large group of males that avoid, avoid me specifically because they don't want to hear about this all the time. But I'm like, if you don't work on it all the time, how does it get better? And, you know, like I really tell you, you can't burn out working on yourself. Now you can burn out, burn your body out, but I'm saying burn out, you you you'll always, once you realize how valuable you are, like you'll you'll look for time to try to work on yourself. And when you do that, you'll realize how many distractions is outside. I'm not telling people not to have fun, but if you have not mastered your body because you're outside too much, there's a lot of things you're gonna miss or lose because distractions are real.
I was just thinking about this. How about this? When people go to the club, what are they looking for? A good time, right? And I'm gonna tell you, men and women go to the club for two different reasons. Two different reasons. Now, majority of the women that I know, they really go into the club just to have a good time. Have a couple of drinks, dance, you know, like smile at a few people. If somebody get a number, cool, but ain't nobody really, no woman really trying to like create a bad experience. So that's it. That's it. They getting home safe is the top of the night for them. Like, I'm home safe, I got something to talk about, my feet hurt, I gotta go to, I don't gotta go to work tomorrow, whatever reasons. Like, that that's the and that's from what I hear from women, right? Now, you will have some women that are willing to, you know, put it all out there, but they don't feel like that every night. Now, I'll tell you this. When men go to the club, majority of men, their highlight, like if they were, like the highlight of the night is getting lucky, period. Like the club could be terrible, completely terrible. They get lucky, it was the livest club ever. Like the I got some friends where like we know what's not a good time, and we'll talk about it all together, right? But if somebody gets lucky, they'll be like, that's the livest night ever. And that's what's so crazy. Like, majority of the men that I know like grew up with the messaging that like you gotta have that kind of story, the highlight of like of all stories, like, man, I went into the club and I saw somebody, one thing led to another, and I you got the story, right? But those stories are far few in between. But every time the club happens, the idea is like that's the that's the like the championship game. Like, if that happens. And you know, what's so crazy, the messaging and all of that is crazy because you just find a lot of conflict in dating because people are looking for different things that just disguise as people. But if you don't communicate, I mean, effectively, you can end up with the wrong things. And
the the features that I was been talking about over the last few weeks, men being attracted to the wrong features, she could be very attractive, completely attractive, great body, and she can't spell. And I'm not saying that you should hold that against her, but if you a person that believes in education and she can't spell, you have to work really hard to get her to this level of a mistake happen. And you don't want that to happen. So men, men need to make better decisions when it comes to who they entertain. Now, this is not to knock any of the ladies. I'm just saying a lot of times when you're attracted to the wrong features, you end up in a part of life you wish you could have avoided. And that goes for both. My whole point was we have to make better decisions because we're too important to be making mistakes with people that we barely know. And, you know, I do know there's there's a demographic of me and that that think I'm tripping. And you know, at the end of the day, think about this. If you did it this way, you would reduce a lot of mistakes when you exchange conversations with a person you find attractive and you want to get to know them. If you move too quickly, you're gonna prove to waste your time. It's very rare that you're gonna find a success story where you've heard that the relationship moved really quickly by the being and they they was in a relationship and it worked out very rarely. And guess what? I don't even know anyone like that. So I only say that because it's gonna be somebody, I know somebody that did this, but telling you, and they could be right in it. Like, let's say this is what happened. Like, we didn't think we in it three years. Hey, relationship is a long man's game. So, congratulations. But I'm telling you this, it's gonna be difficult. Because when you want to be in a relationship and you don't ask the right questions, you end up getting answers when it's too late. And when that happens, your heart could be involved, and it'd be very difficult to get out of a situation when your heart's involved. And you know what? When it hurts, you don't know how to turn it off. You can distract yourself long enough, but when everything slows down, it's still there. And those of you, most of you already know what it means. Some of you guys avoid that part. This is, I I I hate that some people play that game so much that they either get numb to it and think that's just what it's supposed to be, or they won't even play that game anymore because they won't allow anybody to hold their heart again. And that that's you're a different person when you avoid that part. I've
said this before. My fraternity's motto is friendship is essential to the soul. When you can find your person and you learn how the friendship is truly essential, the relationship changes through the conversation. And if you don't have legit conversations in the beginning, you're hoping that the energy that brought y'all together is gonna match up later. And that is childish. Relationships are for mature people. And a lot of us are immature. But if you want to win, you have to protect yourself better than the messages that we've been following and practicing over the years, over centuries. Like, we gotta be better than this. And if we're not, if we don't get better, like we're gonna have like a group of people that just continuously make bad decisions. So we have to together change the message or the cycle gonna continue. And it's gonna, like, let's say, it's it's okay when it's not your family, right? But when you don't help stop that message, you have no idea how your family could end up with somebody that was in that cycle. Like, I know several people that grew up in broken homes and they're doing, they're thriving today. Thriving. But when it comes to that relationship, it's difficult because they don't know what it looks like. They don't know what they're supposed to do, so it's their first go at it. And if you don't have the rules of how to actually operate in a relationship, you could prove to waste your time because relationships are for mature people. And where we are now, some of us think we're mature, but we're still making poor choices where when we get a result we don't like, it was like we knew that that's a possibility, and now you gotta live with that story. I just feel like those moments, they're not worth the story. They're not worth the story.
I'm gonna keep working on communication so that when I do speak, I don't offend because I've I've learned that even though I do work on communication, that I can easily offend people and regardless of my intent. And sometimes you don't get time to to say it where they can receive it, and it's difficult because you don't you don't want anybody to ever misunderstand you. And when you don't know how to say it the way they can receive it, it'll wear you down. And why I'm saying this is because that's what I'm working on. I want to be the coldest communicator ever. And these are some troubling times when it comes to me trying to improve when my behaviors cause conflict. And when I say conflict, I mean the best. And the way that I said it, it still found a way to trigger you. And you know, some people say you can't worry about things you can't control. I'm not worried about things I can't control because I'm trying to improve as a communicator. So when I do speak and the result happens and it goes somewhere else, that just lets me know there's certain areas I need to work on. I gotta tweak these areas to prevent people from getting the wrong message. Because even if you don't believe in what I'm talking about, you can't say that it can hurt you. These things that I'm providing you is to increase the quality of life. As I've gotten older, my life has gotten way better. I think about my childhood and young adulthood and uh 30s to 40s, and then I'm like ending my 50s now, but like throughout life, like everything has improved. So if things are gonna continue to get better, I want to make sure I put the effort to give some people a better shot. Because it's tough out there when you don't have any help, especially when you think you're by yourself. This
is one thing I want you to know. Those of you who really believe you're by yourself, put the work in to yourself and you'll understand who's really on your team. I think people get bothered with other people because they aren't doing what they think they should be doing for them. And that's not fair. And when you work on yourself, you will realize that everybody has a very busy life of their own. And for them to be able to help you in your tough times, hey, they got tough times too. And we have to be better communicators so that we can reduce these misunderstandings. So this podcast, I learned a lot w during my hiatus of not being able to move around because of my back, and I improve my sleep, and I realized that if I continue to work to get better, and at some point I'm gonna reap a benefit, right? And you know what's dope about it is that all of you guys will see it anyway. Like, like the benefits of me improving my communication, you'll see how the topics they'll change or they'll sh you'll see a different level of what I've worked on. Because at the end of the day, you know, those of you that are listening, I don't know how difficult it is for you to listen or how, you know, how easy it is, but if you get the message out of it, you didn't waste your time. And I want you to know at some point, if I did waste your time and you like, you know, you were just talking all over the place, I if I was, I want you to know at some point it's going to improve. So I don't have anybody saying I need to be doing this or doing that, but the goal for me is to produce content about how to improve as a person, a relationship, and master self. When you master self, you unlock different parts of your body that allow you to enjoy a different quality of life. If you don't believe me, go do it. And if you do it and you don't enjoy your quality of life, I promise. I'll apologize for wasting your time. But I'm telling you this, I can almost guarantee this. If you put the work you're supposed to put in, you're gonna get the result you're supposed to get. But you the only one can do it. Some people looking like they need a group or a partner. Why you can't do it by yourself? If you're important, you can put the work you deserve.
Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action, or the action will get after you. Be great on purpose.
