186 Stop Flexing, Start Practicing

Some life lessons sound “basic” until you watch them decide someone’s future. We’re talking straight to young men today about the habits that quietly shape everything: your relationships, your reputation, your peace, and your money. The first line we draw is clear: don’t put your hands on women, and don’t normalize violence in your home, your school, or your friend group. Self-control is not weakness. It’s the difference between a calm life and a destructive one. 

From there, we get practical about what respect looks like day to day. Manners like yes sir, yes ma’am, thank you, and you’re welcome aren’t about acting “small” for anyone. They’re about signaling you come in peace, lowering tension, and earning trust in rooms that can change your life. We also dig into the missing skill a lot of people never practice: the pause. When you learn to process before you react, your communication gets sharper, conflict de-escalation gets easier, and you stop fighting battles that were never worth it. 

We also hit the money traps that keep people stuck. Spending to be seen is a loud way to stay broke, and chasing money is exhausting when you don’t have a plan. Our alternative is mastery: pick a craft, build a routine, work it daily, and let your skill create options. If you’ve been looking for personal growth advice for men that blends mindset, financial discipline, and real-world communication skills, this one is for you. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the habit you’re committing to next.

Transcript

Welcome And Why These Rules

SPEAKER_00 0:11

What up Doe and welcome back to I'm Growing Man, Shiman John D in the building. So I have decided to try to give some tidbits that I believe if young men run across, you know, my my channel, I can give them some tidbits that can improve their station in life by just working on these things. Key things. Something simple. You may have heard them before. Some things you don't know how serious they may be, but I'm gonna give you my feedback on why these things, if you follow, it'll continue to increase the quality of your life. Rule number one. Now, I don't want to say rule number one or anything, but these just no particular order. These are just things that just came to me, and I was like, I'm gonna share these things because I think these are things that anybody could add to their life to benefit from.

Never Put Hands On Women

SPEAKER_00 1:12

But one thing, men, young boys, you shouldn't be hitting girls. You shouldn't be hitting ladies, you shouldn't be hitting the female, period. And you shouldn't hit anybody, first of all. But I think we need to learn how to give certain information. I believe that boys should always have to protect themselves, you know. And I think after a certain age, and I don't want to put an age on it, but we just want to get into practices of not doing it. But young boys become really strong and they can really hurt a girl. And and my fear is domestic abuse in a later age. Because you hear these messages where, you know, if a girl is gonna act like a guy, she can she can hit like a guy, she needs to be beat up like a guy, whatnot. That's I just don't think it's fair. You know, I think we need to learn self-control so that we don't put ourselves in positions where ladies are gonna act like that anyway. So again, we have to watch the company we keep, or we're gonna get bad messages. And I don't think any young man envisions that they're gonna like just become a woman beater when they get older. But something happens, and I feel like even I'll I'll share this story with you. So I never seen my father hit my mother. I seen my mother hit my father before. And I seen him like, she like like hit him in his mouth, and I was like, ouch. I was in the middle, I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw this, right? And I just seen my mu my father push my mother, like, like pushed her away. And that was that was the domestic abuse that I saw that I recall, other than yelling, a lot of yelling. So I'm blessed that my father did not hit my mother in front of me. And the reason why I'm saying this is because my mother did say that he used to hit her. By him not showing that to me, it's it did something like I believe that you shouldn't hit girls. I just heard, I hear young men, you know, being in middle school, some boys think they can hit girls. If a girl hits a hits hits him like that, he's willing to knock her out. And I'm like, we shouldn't think like that. And we have parents that support that. And I think we need to have a better message for these young men so that they can have better outcomes in their later life. We can't give them bad habits and think that they're supposed to turn it off. We have to give them better habits. If a girl, like you shouldn't be fighting, you shouldn't even be in a situation where a girl is actually hitting you anyway. Like, what are you doing where a girl can hit you? Like, men have to make better decisions, boys have to make better. We have to think. So being in middle school, there is a space missing in processing for a lot of these young kids. Like, they they know this is bad, but they don't think about the consequence. Like, so this is just what happens, is like the processing part is they go through it and then they're over here, like, why didn't I think? There's no pause and respond. I'm seeing when I'm talking to kids, I say, now why did you do it that way? And they'll tell me why they did it. And I was like, Well, couldn't you have done it this way? And then maybe this wouldn't have happened. And you can just see, like, oh my God, I could have done it that way. So I think we have to do a better job at delivering a message so young men know that it is not okay to put your hands on a lady. And there are gonna be people that argue with that, but I'm just saying, if you don't put your hands on a lady, don't put yourself in an environment where a lady can put your hands on you, your life will be way more peaceful. Because I'm telling you, if you are putting your hands on a lady and you think it's okay, your life is going to be filled with destruction because nobody likes a man who puts their hands on a lady. Nobody. You know, so if you are doing that, you need to get some help, brother. And there's help in in many places. And I'm just suggesting that if there are women that are in these situations, I'm gonna pray that you can find some type of peace where you can get away and be safe, or this person gets enough help where you guys can grow from that point on. But that's gotta be a tough place to be. So, young men, do not put your hands on these ladies. You will not have a successful life if you put your hands on. How about this? You asked, do a survey of all the men you know, and just keep the survey and ask them, you think you're gonna have a successful life if you put your hands on a woman. And if you have some men that say yes, you really need to watch who you hang around because you don't want to be around people that's doing that. Because if men that can hit ladies and they can say it out loud, they doing other things also. So be careful. Young

Manners That Open Doors

SPEAKER_00 6:28

people, I believe in saying yes, sir, yes, ma'am, no, sir, no ma'am, thank you, you're welcome. Having manners, and and the reason why I say it, I think you should do this, because when you respond that way, that person feels like it's a level of respect. Like some people will say, you know, I'm not that old or whatnot. But I say this to my students. I say, yes, sir, yes, ma'am, to them. If they ask me something, like, I just want, I want people to know that I come in peace. And I feel like if you show like you have manners, the person that you're speaking to will reduce us uh like a boundary because they'll feel like they're seen. Because some people don't have that respect level of just saying it. They have to be told to say it, and it's okay. But if you get into a practice of it, you disarm the person, your company, the your audience, the whoever you're talking to, you disarm them to a degree. And I'm not saying it's to take advantage of anybody, but it shows that you have manners. And what person doesn't want, because I'm telling you, there are people that will curse and not apologize and say things that are inappropriate, no matter what situation. And these practices will limit your opportunities if you believe that this is okay. Unless you're rich, and I'm talking most of the people I'm talking to are like me, like trying to find a way to live a better life financially. So you have to just respect people. And I believe having manners puts you in different rooms. And you don't even have to be the smartest person. But if a person feels like you have manners and you respect you respect them, people look at you differently. If you don't uh believe me, as any adult, this is gonna be a tough one for a lot of you guys. Not

Stop Spending To Be Seen

SPEAKER_00 8:29

use your money to be seen. Do not use your money to be seen. If you using your money that you made to put on, to drive in for others to recognize you got it, that's an expensive life to live. It's not worth it. Buy things that you like, and if nobody likes it, it's okay. Those of you that live outside of your means to be seen, it gets tough as later as I move through life, I recognize that. Like, I remember I used to wear really expensive brands when I was a beginning teacher. There's no way in the world should I have been wearing any of that stuff. And I didn't buy my stuff like bootleg or anything. I bought my stuff at the store, and that was crazy. In my mind, who was I fooling? Like, but you know, you don't know. So this is the information I'm telling you. You can say you like it, but there's gonna come a time in life, if you don't put that work in in the beginning, all of that is gonna, it's gonna be expensive to live that way. And if you're not making that money, it's gonna get real tight. And I and I don't want you to go through that. So be careful of what you like. Because if you like the wrong things and you can't afford it, but you acting like you can afford it, bills look different later. So be careful. You don't spend your money to be seen. Doing that, if you can get rid of that, I promise, you'll be in a different place of people who truly know how to make money. Because a lot of us are using our money to be seen. Now, if you got it, you got it. But a lot of us don't. And I don't want the those of you that those of you that don't got it, you're tricking these other people thinking they can live like that too. They can't, unless you find a blessing.

Mastery Beats Chasing Money

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yes, which leads me to this don't chase money. Like, I got all kind of friends trying to chase a certain amount of money, and it's so exhausting. Like this is what I I I'm gonna give you guys. If you master something, so well, I mean, when I say mastery, it's gonna take years, at least 10, 15 years of everyday dedication. But maybe after year three or four, like, you'll just start, you'll find ways to make your routine because you're gonna know it's gonna, it's gonna get you to this goal. The younger you start, the better you are. You create this routine where you work on it every single day. That mastery will put you in a place where money won't matter. And I'm gonna show you why money won't matter, because you will always be needed and you'll be able to turn things down because you only want to do something so often. I'm gonna give you an example. My goal is to become a master in communication. I work on it every single day. I think at some point I will have mastered the art of communication where whoever I'm gonna speak to will be completely disarmed because they know I only come in peace. And I truly believe if we can work on a mastery of something, money will no longer be important. And money's only important to those who need it, right? So I feel like if you have the let's say if you you were blessed and you had some great parents that wanted to invest in their kids and they didn't worry about money and they just put into this kid, like you would I don't know, I don't know what kind of fun you would have because you'd be so mature in so many different areas. But imagine a world of parents that had kids to raise them the way we would all want to raise our kids. You know, we have these different things in our childhood that cause us trauma, and I'm seeing like you have to go through these different things to understand who you are. And I'm probably going over some of you guys' head, but I want you to catch this. If you work on your craft every day, you will, and and and when I say your craft, it's just anything that you want to do that can make you a better person. Like I believe communication, for me, communication is something that everybody should work on. Because if you can effectively communicate with the person in front of you, nobody's gonna have an argument that could spill over into something violent. And some of us have that skill set, but some of us don't. And I just feel like, hypothetically speaking, I'm in a situation, somebody bumps into me. Now, how do I respond if he does it? And I recognize he did it intentionally. Like if I come in peace, I'm like, my bad, you know what I'm saying? Excuse me, you know, I just take it on the chin. But if I need to be tough, it's one of two things. He backs down because I stood my ground, or he was like, oh, let's do it. Do I really want to fight? So if I'm an effective communicator, I can de-escalate this brother. If you worked on communication, you could de-escalate anything because it's not worth it. You know, I think I was telling my students the other day, I was like, I hate that when my students know how to fight, it's it's bad for them because they're not, they're not going to be afraid of anything. And it's okay to be scared because sometimes being scared will keep you safe. I told them that when you're not afraid to fight, you find yourself in business that wasn't even yours. And bad things can happen to you. And I don't want that to happen. So that's I'm like, I I just I feel bad for some of my students because they're not afraid of anything. And that is, you don't ever want your kids to have that because there are things they're supposed to be afraid of. And sometimes you end up dying over things that shouldn't have happened because you weren't afraid. So keep that in mind. Mastery. I'm not talking about master the art of fighting either. I'm talking about whatever you like to do, work on it. You know, some of these students, I like I wish I am. I am going to push my students in a direction to start working on their routine. Now, the earlier you are working on your routine, the sooner you'll get to the quality of life I'm I'm describing. Now, I can't say that I've totally entered that because I still need to get paid, right? But I enjoy the journey of mastery, working on communication every single day and then practicing it, giving it to my students, my colleagues, to me, at some point I'll accumulate these hours where I will not have to worry about money because I'm intentionally trying to become better, where I can, like, I'll give you this. This is for any educator, any teacher, any parent. Like, if you want a kid to receive a message, they truly have to understand because if they understand, they won't forget it again. Whoever your audience is, the only way they receive it is if they know how to teach somebody else. So you can't say that that's anything, also. So I'm not even saying I can teach you this, but I do know that there's certain things you can do to become better in your craft. And this is this applies to any and everything that you do. Like if you're working on something, like let's say if you work on yourself, let's say you decide to take life a little more seriously, and you say, I'm going to create a routine and work on myself every single day. I'm going to see what this dude is talking about. Who benefits from you working on yourself? You do. That's the whole point. Like, it has to be intentional. Like, just people like life and oh my gosh. My wife and I was talking about yesterday. Like, life and it can happen and you don't even know what's happening. That's why you have to do it on purpose. And when I say life and I mean life will pass you by and you'll be like, dang. And you didn't do anything. And you'll be like, what am I doing? Like, you have to be intentional. Write these things down. Again, I'm going to master the art of communication to the point where I won't have to worry about money ever again.

Documenting Daily Growth

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Look, this was the point of me starting this podcast because I wanted to be an example of a person who showed growth from the very beginning to whenever it was going to happen. That's why I decided to document how long it took of intentional work because I've I've put out content every day. Well, every day for the last four plus years. I know that almost, I don't know, four years. Like every single day. I upload something, and like now all of a sudden it's so crazy. These people are contacting me saying, you know, we see that you have all these videos, but we can help spread your content. I was like, it's because I'm not good enough yet. When I'm good enough, they'll find me. And it was like, but I think maybe some people could get more access if you did. I said, I can't afford that type of consultation because that's the reason why I said I want to document my walk until it happens. And when it happens, whoever decides to take on the challenge, people are going to see, like, it took him this long. Like, what did he do? But what whatever I'm doing, you can do for your own life. And, you know, it was it's more than a book. You know, people's like, man, you should write a book. I'm like, I don't, I'm not really that type of guy. You know, I feel like these videos are a reflection of the way that I live my life. And I've benefited from it a lot because if you knew my background, like, you would be like, well, how did he do that? Like, on purpose. Like, for real, because I'm telling you, life almost got dark for the kid. And I'm not gonna say I died, almost died or anything, but I wouldn't be in this position if I did not challenge myself to become a better person on a daily basis where I created a routine.

Seek Information And Stay Intentional

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Last but not least, find more information. Like, if you are not trying to find more information to get better, like you are probably complaining about life. And I don't want to see people complain. And I know sometimes people just want to vent. You can do that. But at the end of the day, if you worked on yourself every single day, you would get distracted by that. Because I'm telling you, once you see the benefits of how you improve, you'll be looking for all kinds of time to grab. You like start going to sleep on time, you wake up on time because you have. Now, I don't know how long it's gonna take for you to do that, but it is a fun journey trying to improve yourself every single day. Because when you do it for real, everything that you touch recognizes some type of change. They recognize, like, oh man, you always feel like this. Why? Because you know, I know that I am intentionally working on myself. And when I can see certain people say things, it it it I don't want to say it gives me more fuel, but it it reminds me, it's giving me what I thought I was supposed to be receiving. At first it was like a surprise. Like I was like, wow, where did that come from? When somebody says something about me that I wasn't working on, like they'll give me a compliment or something, and I'm like, oh man, that was awfully nice of you. Thank you. Because people don't have to say anything to you, but people volunteer information to me and it makes me feel so humble. Now I I'm not gonna say I expect it, but I know that I'm working on myself where it still humbles me. But I know that it's coming because like people are just they just say things to me that they didn't say things to me before. I'm telling you. Like people say the nicest things to me, and like I just be me. And but but the thing is, by be me, being me, is be improving my walk in life. And if I can improve every day, when somebody sees me improving every day, maybe they'll like, you know, I want to do that too. Because I'm telling you, people don't do that regularly. But you, if you've regularly worked on yourself and you found out how important you are, and this is for any and everybody, your life changes. You have to put the work in, though. Like, get into a habit of working on yourself and watch what doors open up. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose. Boom.