181 Going Back To Therapy

Therapy isn’t a last resort, and it isn’t a sign something is “wrong” with you. It’s a tool for self-awareness and personal growth, and I’m choosing to pick it up again. After trying therapy before and feeling like it didn’t do much, I’m coming back with clearer intent: I want to find my blind spots, especially around trauma and relationships, so I can stop getting in my own way.

We talk about why youth therapy matters and why mental health support earlier in life can change everything. When kids don’t have a safe place to vent, ask questions, or make sense of what they feel, those layers can turn into adult overreactions, broken trust, and regret. I share what it’s like to look back and realize how fast I used to go from zero to ten, and why unlayering childhood experiences can lead to better emotional regulation, better decisions, and healthier responses.

We also address therapy stigma head-on. “I don’t want to tell a stranger my business” sounds protective, but a trained therapist is exactly the kind of professional who can help you see patterns you can’t see alone. We get into why therapy should be voluntary, why honesty is non-negotiable if you want real results, and how money, time, and class pressure can keep people from investing in themselves. Along the way, I check myself on fitness, consistency, and family relationships because growth is a whole-life practice, not one conversation.

If you’ve been thinking about counseling, trauma healing, relationship work, or just becoming a better version of yourself, press play. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the message.

Transcript

Why I’m Returning To Therapy

SPEAKER_00 0:12

What up, Doe, and welcome back to Um Growing Man, Shaman John D in the building. So uh today's episode is me sharing, you know, another part of my life with you guys as far as this journey. What's I'm gonna share things that are making me better. I'm going to therapy again. And the last time I went to therapy, I don't think it really did anything for me. And I was one of I was all for it. So my wife remembers because one day she she asked because she listened to us talk. And if she did, she was like, that person wasn't, didn't do anything for me. And that was kind of a wasted time. But I am a person that is always trying to find ways to improve. So my intent is to get back in it and hopefully unlayer some parts of me that I the blind spots that I have. Um and I will say this. Personally, I believe everything in my life is going really well because the intention is there on a daily basis. So I'm happy with my effort. However, there's there are ways that I can always improve. And how can I promote therapy if I'm not even an active participant? So I'm going to get back in there and try to find these blind spots or give me some insight on some of my behaviors that kind of I wouldn't say hindered me in the past, but uh it has overall given me behaviors because I thought for whatever reason. So the areas that I was looking for is trauma and relationships. And this is honestly the only two things that I could really see that I needed the most help in. And I'm gonna tell you about the trauma aspect of why I believe if kids are young, this is for the youth. If your parents have benefits where you can get therapy, I want you to take advantage of that. Therapy is supposed to give you an understanding on something that's happened in your life that you have blind spots to. And I feel like as a kid, if you don't have anybody you can vent to or ask if something weird for feeling a certain type of way, it's it's it's common to have these thoughts. But if you have a therapist at a young age, you can unlayer parts of you that you can prevent adult-filled trauma. And when I say that, like I'm still unlayering things from my childhood, and I'm I'm 48, you know. So if I could have done this at a younger age, I truly believe I would have had better responses to certain situations that could have, you know, prevented me from taking it a particular way because I used to go zero to ten so quickly, like, and that's just be overreacting. And that's as an adult. Just thinking back, I'm embarrassed in so many ways because I've compromised my friends who were around me, and I was so immature. I had no idea I was that immature. But that's what I think therapy is gonna help you, help anybody who goes out, you know. So I let me talk about this real quick. So I do have students that parents have those benefits but don't want to get the help. And and I tell them, like, it's it will it will help you in ways that you don't understand because the the one of the biggest things that I hear is that I don't want to tell no stranger my business. And that's probably the best person you will want to tell because this person went to go to school to learn how to talk to you in a way where you could benefit from it. So just imagine the intent behind that. You're not just talking to a stranger, you're talking to a a professional trained stranger that is going to help you unlayer some stuff. You're not just gonna go talk to somebody who doesn't have the background. So if students at a young age could get this, I just think that the quality of life will increase way sooner than later. Because, you know, before, I don't say this, when I first started on this journey, I didn't have a therapist. I didn't get a therapist until after I kind of started understanding why I was acting the way that I was, but I still went. But before that, I had the mindset like nothing's wrong with me. Why would I need a therapist? And it's not about anything being wrong with you, it's about you understanding more about who you are. And that unlocks so many different things when you know who you are. And remember this, I've said this before in previous episodes. When you were a kid, you were somehow compromising certain situations. And when you were compromised, you became a different person. For example, uh, let's say you were bullied a couple times and you got beat up. Some people became a really good fighter, and they started to protect this kid, that inner person that didn't want to fight, but he became tough because of the world. Through all of these obstacles, you became this person who couldn't mind fighting. And I tell my students this if you know how to fight, that's probably the worst thing a kid could ever have because you won't ever be afraid of anything. And you'll walk toward trouble. And it's not about you being scared, it's about you being smart enough to know that this fight isn't yours. And a lot of times when you're not scared, you'll stick around for the bad things. And I just pray that that students take advantage of therapy because I truly believe as we mature, if we can mature, I wonder if, you know what, it'd be interesting to find out if people mature uh at a f a faster rate, I guess, and people don't that don't get therapy. But I'm quite sure it would be. That's something I need to look up. But I'm I'm promoting therapy, and this episode is me telling you I am going to start back therapy on the 28th or 29th. It's a consult. And the reason why, again, I'm I'm doing this is to just find ways to improve. Um some people's like it's a waste of money, but nothing's a waste of money if it's you're investing in yourself. And I I'm on that. I'm on investing in myself because if I don't invest in myself, who will? So I have to put the work in, put the time in, do the necessary things to figure out ways to get the best version of myself so that I can influence the students, my students, to be great on purpose. You know, like I was telling my wife recently, my my whole goal is to be able to say the right set of words to convince students how important they are. Like, and when I say that, it may be like go to class for the 35th time, and something triggers and causes that student, maybe not go to class, but as they get older, they they have these tools that I've been giving them, you know, along the way. Whenever I'm with students, I'm trying to give them something because the world can be tough if you're not prepared for it. And if I could give them a few tricks of the trade along the way and it helps them at a later time, I'm all for it. Like I believe in consistency, I believe in effective communication so that the students receive the message and they utilize it. So hopefully, uh students who ended up watching this, because some of my students say they do watch this, and they'll understand if they have the opportunity to get therapy that they should go for it. And and when I say go for it, I mean be as honest as possible. Because if you're not honest, the person's not helping you. You know, uh, I don't want you to waste your time. I do believe you shouldn't go unless you want to go. Being forced to go is kind of difficult because you if you're being forced to go, I feel like there's a message that you're missing that would allow you to not get the best benefits. So I definitely believe therapy should be voluntary. But we as parents need to convince our kids why it's important so that they can think that it's just something that humans are supposed to do. And I say all humans are supposed to have therapy because everybody has their story, right? And everybody's not living this fairy tale life. The toughest kid, the oldest person, any of that needs therapy because our parents only know what they knew. And even like my kids, when they get older, there are gonna be things that they're gonna look back and be like, why didn't you do this? Well, we only knew what we knew, you know. If we knew that, we would have done it. But with the information we have now, we're very just you just have to be intentional if your kids are gonna receive a message. So being that I I try to be intentional. I work on my communication so that I can tell these students the right things to maybe watch them mature in front of us, you know. Like that's the that's the hope of it all, getting my students to realize that we can make better decisions and we have to learn to think, you know, because if you don't learn to think, you'll find yourself in compromising situations where you wish you went to therapy. For sure. Um what do I want to get from therapy? This is, you know, I believe by going back to therapy, I am going to get, I'm gonna get to unlock some things that I can't do without it. And once we start, I'll try to give, you know, you guys an update on a week-to-week basis because I plan on doing it now, maybe every once, I guess it depends on how it goes. Um twice a month or once a week. I just want it to make sense. That's it. You know what I'm saying? Like if it's something that I feel like I can truly benefit from, I'm gonna keep doing it because I want to be an example that if I was younger, I would have done this. Like now, because I'm mature enough, because I was definitely times as an adult, I said I didn't need it. But I do believe all humans need therapy. And hopefully I'm going to get an opportunity to remove some blind spots, learn a lot more about myself so that I can be a better example for not only my kids, but anybody I interact with. I'm a person that believes that time is precious. And if I talk to you, I want to make sure I'm not wasting your time. So if we exchange uh some information, I hope I'm here to help, here to listen. But at the same time, I just wanted to make sure that I'm finding the best version of myself so that I can make sure that I don't waste anybody's time. Um I've been practicing finding ways to improve for about six or seven years, as you know. But therapy, I never got the the the most out of it. I only did it for a couple of months. Uh, this is when I was this is before I went back into education. This is what I was working hourly at um doing signatures, collecting signatures, and then when that job stopped, I just didn't have extra money to continue. So I hadn't gone back since 23, 22, 23, something like that. Might be 22. But I'm on it, and I'm gonna take you guys on this journey with me as I find ways to improve. Uh, I'll say that I've fallen off of my uh my diet. I've gained a few pounds. I'm supposed to get my goal is to get the 178. Um, I'm probably like at 187, 186. Uh I got a couple weeks before I gotta check in. But my goal is to get 178. And the reason why my goal is 178 is because my BMI is is considered like at his at a good place. Like it's like right below uh for my height, it's good for me. And and I remember feeling the best I could during that at that weight. And the goal is to get back my body there and continue. I have been increasing my workout. I have not been as consistent as I should, and it's probably another thing I could do when I meet with my therapist. But I want to make sure that uh I fit find these blind spots of trauma and relationships. And the relationships that are very important to me, and I recognize that I don't have the best relationships with my family. Uh and I think it was because of the way that I grew up, and hopefully I can uncover some things so I can stop getting in my own way. Because I have been for for many years, and I don't know, I keep coming up with excuses on why it's okay for me to do what I do, and I'm hoping I can get that that's definitely something I need to write that down to make sure that I don't forget that part because I never thought about that. Like, like I I have a real selfish per uh point of view because of the way I grew up, and I keep allowing it to make my decisions, like being stubborn. And I'm not really doing it on purpose, it's just I'm not intentionally trying to fix these things. That's gonna be something that you can go on this uh uh this road with because I I do I wanna I wanna get better. And and that's that's probably an area that if I were to be completely honest, it's probably a huge weakness for me. So in the next episode, we'll definitely touch bases on how it's going. Um so just remember, you have an opportunity to get some therapy. You know, it's it's crazy at this time where we have adults that really still feel that way. But I do believe that it's just a might be a uh a class thing, you know. The harder you work for your money, the less time you got to really work on yourself. And therapy is one of those things where it has just a bad, a bad stigma. And it doesn't make you crazy, doesn't make you weird, it makes you believe that you're important enough to get the help you need to become the best version of yourself. And not gonna lie, that that works. Sometimes, if you don't believe it yet, it's it seems like it's just you doing too much. But once you get into the routine because you know how important you are, hold on. Hello, huh? Oh, okay. I was I'm shooting. All right, what's up? What did you check? Oh, that's okay. You ready? Okay, give me a few minutes and I'll finish up. Alright. So I am going to close this down because I have to go have lunch with my wife. Um, and I do want you guys to know. I will continue to find ways to get better because my intent is to become code. And I feel like by the age of 70, I'm gonna be code at it. Uh and I keep telling people the relationship my wife and I have created has not been written. And I enjoy it so much because I'm really ending this episode to go eat. Uh, y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action, or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.