173 Better Fathers, Better Futures

Transcript

Attire, Age, And Authenticity

SPEAKER_00 0:11

What up, Dome? Welcome back to I'm Growin' Man. It's your man John D in the building. So I'm tell y'all about this attire I got on today. I jumped on one of these platforms and said, On this day, I was in this shirt a year ago, right? And then it was like, on this day two years ago, it was the sweatshirt, the mouth. And like, how did I have that on? Like, just so crazy is that I wore this shirt yesterday under this flannel shirt. And then when I came home, I just threw on a sweatshirt because it was chill in the where I was in my house. I just had this on, so I just wanted to get on here. I was like, man, it was destined for me to just like shoot an episode. So this is where we are. And I wanted to get on here because I was like, what am I gonna talk about? I decided I was gonna talk about attire for men my age and how people view they they say that maybe I dress immaturely because of my age, you know. I just I just feel like you should dress for, you know, whoever's gonna listen to you. You know, if if people in suits need me to wear a suit for them to listen to me, maybe this isn't for them. Um and this is no shot at anybody because I get all kind of uh comments that I need to address my age or, you know, I have even my friends tell me I probably should change my attire because, you know, I need to look a certain way. But this message isn't for the people that's looking for me to change my attire. And when I'm good enough, it'll it'll people understand, you know. My message is only to help and whoever's willing to listen, that's who it's for. So topic of conversation for today is like fatherhood and how difficult it has been for me to figure out like how to be the type of father where you see on television where kids go to their father and talk to them about real issues, like I'm not saying my kids won't, but I'm so serious. I'm everything's a lesson. And then I up until like this last week, friends of mine that are really on this journey of getting better, it's really, really good to talk to them as often as I do. And it was like we need to be more lighthearted. And it's it's right. Like, you can't take everything so seriously. And with my kids, through their entire to my my me, my son will be 18 this year, so I have two adults soon, well, according to the good US of A. Uh, like I haven't been able to create the relationship that I would like to have had with my father. You know, it's I don't know, it's been so difficult because I was like learning, trying to learn who I am, who I was, and I kind of defaulted into this um, I just gotta prepare you type, you know. They can we hug all the time and you know, we talk, but the the relationship they have with their mother, it disturbs me because like that's what I want. That's what I was like, I've been trying to work on that my whole life. And it just came so natural, and people will be like, you know, that's just that's just what mother's got or whatever, whatever, whatever. I'm trying to be, I want it too. And I'll tell you this, my son is gonna be way colder than me because he'll have what his mother's given to him that I didn't have. And he'll understand my intent as I learned late in the game that I should have been lighthearted a lot of times. And I can understand why they didn't purposefully seek my counsel, because one thing I learned about my wife, she said, you know, they know that if they go to you, they're gonna get a lesson and they just want to be comforted, like everything's gonna be all right. You're gonna be like, why did you do this? You gotta know better than that. Like, you do that after everything is safe. And I realized I was like, that was a great learning lesson. Like, uh, as fathers, listen to this fathers. If your kids are gonna come to you in those situations and you want them to, you can't chastise them in the moment. My wife taught me that, you know. You you you get them to safety and you teach them lessons without them being worried. You know, they're kids at the end of the day, they're gonna make mistakes, but that that made so much more sense. But I mean, I learned that too late. Well, not too late, but you know, I learned it, you know, and as I continue to work on communication, I just want I want fathers to intentionally want to get better because whether you're a great grandfather, grandfather, father, soon-to-be father, it's levels to families. And depending on your role and how important you want to be, and in if you're in health where you can work on something, you can change your family. Like it's gonna start with the oldest, right? Now, depending on how aware they really are, if you are if you're the eldest in the family, whatever you're doing in life is going to set the bar for the next generation. And if you wanted to go past that, you gotta hope that they understand why they were supposed to pass it. And it's crazy. I've I've listened and spoken with so many people that they don't want to admit that they're better than their parents. And I was like thinking like this. I would be so hurt if my kids weren't better than me. Like, they were born better than me. They didn't grow up like me. The mindset of me raising my kids is totally different from the mindset of my pa my father and my mother. Like, the least they wanted me to be is better than them. And like, it's obvious that every parent would want their kids to be way better than them. But we have to teach them the way part. Because when they're born, they're already better than you. Because as a parent, you're going to make sure that they grow up in the least compromised situation in comparison to you. Cause in my mind, as a parent, you're just thinking, like, how can I make sure they get a shot? That's already better. Cause the way you grew up, your kids won't grow up like unless you're just in a dismal place, and that means you need some help. And when I say help, that means some conversations with some people to get you in a place where you could be safe because how that's tough. It's just weighed a lot on me. I just felt that all on my head. But we have to, as men, learn to be lighthearted. You know, I've seen uh a group of friends go off on each other. Uh and they recover so well. And it was so crazy is that we have a few triggers as men that we could work on. And once we figure those out, nobody won't be able to set us off. But we have to intentionally find them. And then I know some people just feel like men are gonna be men. Nah, man. If men are gonna just be men, I'm trying to be better than that. Because like we be giving ourselves too many excuses to be weak out here. And I refuse to be weak. Not knowingly that we are here knowing we can improve, but yeah. I'ma I'm gonna I'm gonna keep putting this together. Like, I'm going to I'm gonna keep trying to find ways to improve. So those of you that may be reading my body language, it's cold in here. Uh I got a heater in here, but it'll be too loud. So uh, gosh, I can't believe I'm that cold. It makes me feel like uh I'm being closed off and I'm not trying to be. But I think where wherever you are as a man, there's a better version of you that can be found if you do it on purpose. You know, I I was watching my son play Pokemon last night. It was all of us, and he's like trying to teach us this thing, right? And I'm like just really trying to learn this thing, see why people like this. And I think that this applies to all because it depends wherever you are in life, there's a better version of you. And when I say a better version of you, you can work on purpose every day to become the version that you don't even know you can do because you have never seen it. But it's going to take some practice, like everyday practice. And you know, if you could fall in love with the idea that if you created a routine, like literally wrote things down every day. Like you have to do it every day. And if you don't do it every day, this is why if you don't do it every day, you create room for excuses. And you know, well, I know, they're easy to come up with. So there are gonna be days you possibly fall off, right? So I've already prepared those days for you. It's cool. This is a new lifestyle for you. The the object is how many days can we reduce from the previous moment when you fell off the wagon? Because if you if you understand, the results will completely change and blow your mind if you created a routine that was just dedicated to you. Now, what that routine may look like, it could be journaling, meditation, working out, walking, um, painting, uh, working on a language, uh stretching, yoga, listening to audiobooks, reading, anything that could help you, and easy to think. Whatever you like, find times in the day to do it even more. And this is what I I hope to spread. And and if you're young, oh my gosh. So I've spoken about this, but I'm I wanna I want to talk about it real quick for those of you that are listening. Now, professional athletes are being looked at as early as high school now, but they started at a young age. They had a schedule and a routine that they did like every how often. At the end of the what I'm trying to say is they've accumulated so many hours in this like craft that they're that good, right? So just imagine where you are. If you created a routine on whatever you like and you did it every single day, about 10 to 15 years, you're gonna mature where you're gonna be that good. Now I know you're thinking like 10 to 15 years is a long time. It is a long time. In that perspective of that you think that you're gonna die at year 16. Think about it. 10 to 15 years, you're gonna look just as good as you look now. You're gonna have uh be in the mind state that you're the best version of yourself. But this is what I'm trying to get you to understand. You could become the distraction that that could help people. Like, there was a question that said, let me see. And then I'm gonna leave. I'm like, no, I got time. Hold on. There was a question. What did it say? The question was like, what are you doing to work on financial freedom? Something like that. You know, everybody wants financial freedom so they can do any and everything. This is this is what one thing I need you to know. In order to achieve financial freedom, you have to be really good at something. When I say good, I mean so good that people are willing to pay you to do what you're doing. Now, any and everybody has an opportunity to do it, but it can only happen through a particular type of effort. And whose story better than yours? Think about that. If you beat whatever you're in, everybody's in some type of situation, right? So let's just stretch it out. You could be a foster care kid, you could be divorced, you could be um homeless with no parents, uh living on the streets, uh, you could be living in the suburbs and you have a well-cooked meal, but people don't understand you. You could be um great in something and you don't understand why you don't feel like right in certain areas. You could be married and happy with kids and still feel like you're stuck. And and you know, there's a lot of in-betweens. I was just trying to trying to cover as many people as possible. If you truly work on yourself, everything else just improves. You have to identify the distractions that's preventing you from moving forward. You have to actually write them down. You have to be honest with yourself. Like, are you out of the house too much? Do you go to an event, you know, like how many times a week? Like, I know you can afford it, but is the house losing in the long, long game, you know? Like, we want you to enjoy life, but there's so many things that you could do on the inside of the house that could change your family. Those of you that don't have family, you have a story that nobody else has. You still have to work on yourself. You work on yourself, you'll find the energy you deserve, and you'll be able to tell that story where you can actually create a family to make sure that your kids don't go through what you went through. Like, you guys have to understand, you know, when I look at the movies and see shows, I'm like, that's a pretty good story right there. Everybody has a good story. But your story is not good if you don't beat it. Like, wherever you are in life, it can improve. But it's gonna take an intentional effort that you weren't taught by your parents. Because if you were taught by your parents, you probably wouldn't be here. For real, for real. Like, you only know what your parents have taught you unless you went out and got more information to see if they were right or wrong. But at the end of the day, they didn't know everything. So once you realize that they did the best they could, you forgive yourself, you forgive your family, but you look at yourself differently. You like, oh, I can do more. Like, I think by the time, like, I do think, you know, I I try not to think so far ahead, but I think in my head, when I'm 70, by the age of 70, I would be really cold at communicating. And the reason why I say 70 is because I know I told you guys like 15 years of routine or whatnot. So for me, routine, I'd be like 56, 15 years, so that'd be 14 more. I say the age of 70 because I feel like I'm working on my health. And well, as I continue to accumulate hours in these categories, I have better answers to justify why you are the most important person in the world. And being 70, people look at people that's older differently when they're given information of things that they've lived and seen people grow. So I think by the age of 70, that I would have practiced and spread a message to tell people how important they are. Like, that's a long time. So as I continue to get better and sharpening swords, I'll help people sharpen theirs so they they can do that and show others to do the same thing. Because your story, it doesn't even have to be told, but it you don't have to lose in your story. That's all I'm saying. Like, okay, you don't have the best parents. Your parents have said some really mean things to you. You know, um, sometimes they hate that you were put in a situation where they couldn't protect you or can't protect you, and they say some really mean things. I want you to know that once you beat it, you'll get the answers and understand, be like, that's why that happened. You will get your answers, but you have to believe you're that important to put in that work. Because all of us have distractions. All of us. Some of them can be really good for you if it's aligned up with what you're trying to do. But if it's anything that could compromise you, your integrity, the people in your house, the people you say you care about, you have to reevaluate what's really important to you. Because if you lose that, that trauma goes to the next generation. And no matter what you learn after the trauma's been sent, you have to work on communication so they'll understand that you didn't know any better. I really believe that. And it's tough to walk that walk, but nobody's story better than yours. You only did what you thought you were supposed to be doing. And as we continue to find ways to improve, when we see the results, it'll create a different evolution of mankind. I really believe that. I don't think that the message that I'm trying to create is hurting anyone. I think anyone can benefit from it. And I do believe communication is it is the key for peace. If people knew the other, if they knew enough and there were good people, because a lot of times people make bad decisions because they're scarred from their own childhood and trauma and the information they were given, you know. That's a distraction too, because you can only worry about what you can control, right? But when we work on communication intentionally, we reduce misunderstandings. You're a different person when you don't argue. I want you to know that. When you don't argue, and you know people say, sometimes arguing is healthy. Why? Why can't we just share information and say, why do you feel that way? And say why you feel that way. And then you were like, why so how did you get to that? Like, what helped you develop that point instead of saying, you know, we can agree to disagree? Like the agree to disagree means that the communication, it was a misunderstanding. You can like what you like, but at the end of the day, why would you argue? You know? So I just I just think that if you argue about something, somebody could take it the wrong way and somebody could overreach. And that's when things go haywire. So working on if everybody's working on communication, like at some point when there is a misunderstanding, there'll be a set of rules like, hey, what's going on? I noticed this this is going this way. But there's gotta be a type of practice where we can get better. And if we do get better, it's gonna be a beautiful thing. Relationships are just gonna. I had to change my diet because I wanna be, I wanna live long enough to possibly see people believe that they're that important. Like, I've definitely met more people that said they are not that important versus those that said that they are. So I feel like if I can help change the narrative of convincing people how important they are, I live long enough, take care of my diet, stay healthy, and continue to like improve in all aspects of life, somebody's gonna receive that message that they're that important. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action, or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose. Boom.