growNman
growNman
164 Quiet Acts, Loud Impact
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What up Doe? Welcome back to I'm Growin' Man. Schmand John D in the building. I am on winter break and I didn't do it, I haven't done any work today. When I say work, I'm talking about related to my day job. I've definitely worked on my languages, did chess, meditated, been reflecting on how I can come up with words to not only help people get closer to their goals, but words that make people feel good on the inside. A good friend of mine named uh had a story that he shared with the group. And I wanna challenge any and every one of you, if you have the opportunity, to do the same thing. Because if you can do it, it means so much. And I think if we can get into the practice of it, it'll make us better people overall. But he stated that I can't remember exactly where he went, but he went to a restaurant and he said God spoke with him. And he said that God was like, take care of these people's dinner. And uh or buy their food, something like that. And you know, he he was thinking like am I am I good? Like, was that a message that I needed to follow? And and you know, he did it. He acted on it, and I want you to know, you don't know where people are at that moment, but when you get an opportunity, the way that he told the story, it made him feel really good. But he paid for the meal, and come to find out, you know, they were in a really tight spot and they weren't even really for sure how they were gonna pay for the meal. And something told them that everything was gonna be alright. Yes. He the way he told the story, you know, we can always sometimes be in a I don't want to say a dark place, because I don't believe any of us should be there, but we could probably be in a place where you feel like it's tough. But there's always somebody in a situation that's a different level of emergency that you're not experiencing, and urgency is real, and I think that if we could empathize possibly that we can change somebody's life by a simple gesture as just paying for a meal. Like if people felt that way. And I think, and then that was the thing that that it gave me something else to enter into my my give back to the world, to the universe. That's what I'm gonna do. I told him I was gonna do this once a week, whether it's some gas, a meal, anything to just hopefully make somebody's day that much easier. Because I do truly believe that gestures like those, because I I know how I feel when people do those things for me. And why not do it on purpose? You know, some people say you shouldn't do this to re hope for something to return. I like the way that I feel, you know, because I I help somebody. Now I do want to say you may run into situations where some people may be ungrateful, but I do do it from the place that it came from, not the person that you're giving it to, because they'll be humbled at some point and remember that they were less than kind, and you still handled yourself because you just wanted to do the right thing. That leads me to what this episode was originally about. And I just wanted to share that because, you know, and I know I get on here and I talk about communication. My neck look RB. I talk about communication a lot. And I feel like the lack of understanding language has caused poor messages, and I want to try to hopefully clear some things up from the way that I look at it, and hopefully we can learn together as like as a mankind. You know, when we hear things, we think that like people say nobody's perfect, it's only one person be perfect, and you know, that's of course, you know, Christians believe Jesus was perfect, right? Um, but it's all relative. And I believe that perfect is possible, but if you're not aiming for it, it's it's like one of those things that it allows you to create the excuse to not work hard. I strive for perfection. And when I say that, this is what my definition of perfection is it's the effort of trying to improve intentionally, not waiting for an accident or a bad situation for you to say, why did that happen to me? But when you work on yourself intentionally, that is perfection because there's always a better version of you. Period. So when I think about how I want to communicate, I want to hopefully change the way we look at words and how we practice life so that we can enjoy the quality more so the complaining part. I think I've I've been blessed enough to not live life through complaining about something. Like I've really got into a practice where when something happens, I'm trying to figure out what was the message I was supposed to give. Because, you know, things are gonna happen in your life. And it's like, can you control it? And if you can't control it, just figure the message because if you allow your emotions to get involved, you will miss the message and possibly get a consequence that you don't need. So working on communication, now, if this was my perfect world, shout out to Miss Griffin. That's how she likes to say it. If this was my perfect world at this point in my life, there's no way, there would be no way that I would get into an argument with anybody. Like, it's unheard of. Like, if I was I was super cold at communication, because when you're really good at communicating, you already know who your audience is. And when you know who your audience is, you know the language you're supposed to use so that they can receive it. And I know people say you can't please everybody, but the people that aren't being pleased, that doesn't mean that they don't want the message. You're just not, we're just not saying it in a way for them to receive it. So in my perfect world, I will be able to come up with the tone, cadence, uh, delivery, the expressions, you know, the energy that says, when that brother talks, some good stuff that comes out of it. You know, I don't just want to waste people's time. That's that's one reason why I enjoy podcasting because I've noticed the progression of me becoming better at what I do. There was a time, if you look in the beginning, I couldn't even look in the camera. Now that like it's no problem to look in the camera because it's it's it came through practice, and I had to get over my own insecurities about what it looked like and just get to the point where what are you trying to do this for? And ultimately it was to become a better father, a better husband, and the greatest communicator ever. And through the process, I was gonna become a better educator, uh, a better friend. All of these things was gonna benefit when I focused solely on becoming a better communicator to my wife and my kids. And through that process, I've learned that sometimes I used words in my past that could trigger people. And if I remove those words that could possibly trigger people, it's less likely the person that I'm talking to would be triggered. So I had to learn how to not only watch the words that I use, but listen. Because I don't think I'm the only person like this, but a lot of times when we're talking to people and when you hear a concern, if you're not totally locked in listening, we're trying to figure something out for them. And we haven't figured that part out because we don't understand the art of listening. And in my perfect world, I'm gonna be clear and concise with my language being just enough where I didn't talk too much or I didn't talk too little, where I left people, you know, hanging. Like, what is he talking about? That's what I'm striving for on a daily basis. Like, I want to improve so that people know that it's possible. Now, I don't know if I'll totally get to this idea, but the journey of improving in it, that's enough for me. Like, what if I get there? Like, what does it look like? Like, I I just see people smiling. And I think when people are smiling, they create a different product, and there's something that they're enjoying. And if you can create that yourself, like it just makes life's totally a total reason for you to like get better. So, um, hold on. You know, a lot of times we make mistakes because we don't have the experiences or we didn't have anybody to say, hey, you could have done this. We don't even have a counsel before we make decisions because we don't know to have one. But as you move through life, you hope that you can create a solid core of people that can give you, I wouldn't even say the right decision, but can make you or can help you make the right decisions by you seeing the possible consequences and the benefits of it all. And a lot of times we make decisions from a selfish way, so selfish that we know the consequence outweighs the reward, but we don't have that mindset. So me working on communication is to show men, young men, or anyone willing to listen that if we truly weigh what we have in life and whatever decisions we're making, whenever we make a decision to leave out the house, this will this includes ordering anything, like buying things. It's going outside the house, right? You gotta ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen and what's the best gonna happen? Like you like, if it's not gonna be happy with this, I'm gonna have to come up with some kind of thing for me to get it. That's probably not something I should be doing unless I can articulate to my wife why it's necessary. Now, some people's like, I'm not doing all of that. You don't have to do it, but I want to show you when you work on communication, it just makes the house so much better. And the house benefits when you leave the house, wherever you're going, is it endangering what you're trying to create on the inside? And a lot of people don't understand that. Like, people will believe that they're supposed to do certain things to have happiness. And when I say certain things, I mean things that could compromise their house, whether it's gambling, drinking, being promiscuous, entertaining company that's not necessary for the growth of your family. Now, I want y'all, I want to remind you guys, relationships are for mature people. Age has nothing to do with maturity. If you look at the relationship and you're willing to have a consequence that could destroy it, that says that you're either following the wrong message, because nobody gets in the marriage, I mean a marriage or a relationship for it to end. That's like wasting your time. So you need to really ask yourself, are you mature enough for one? And when you are mature enough for one, you know that you're gonna be required to do things that most people don't know how. Even the people that are together, they're very, I think it's a very small percentage of people that can really interact with each other on a daily basis where they are constantly growing in a manner that you find the true reason of why relationships is the the greatest gift you can build if you're mature. In order to be mature, you have to be working on communication every day, especially if it's with your partner. You guys should be talking every single day. There's no silent treatment, there's no like we'll talk when we talk. You have to figure out what the disconnect is. A relationship is supposed to build, not to tear down. Like there are gonna be things that one person doesn't like that the other person likes. You got to figure out, is it worth it? And when I say worth it, I mean are you if you gave it up, will it help the relationship or would it hurt it? And when I say that, don't look at it from the selfish aspect because like I'm not gonna be happy if I have to give this up. In the grand scheme of things, I give you an example. If I have a drinking problem and my wife says, I think you should probably have no more than two drinks when we go out in public. And I get in an argument with her, like, what are you talking about? And I can like again, the law says two drinks, right? So a person that doesn't have a problem will be like, for sure, that's absolutely right. Because anything over, if somebody hits you and the police come, they do a breathalyzer test, you it wasn't even your fault, but you're gonna get a DUI because you're gonna blow over the limit. And I feel like if it can endanger your house, you're not looking at it from the most mature perspective. And hopefully, as I continue to work on communication and show you guys, we have to put ourselves in a position to win. Like you want to always look at the full picture. And if you're if you're the only one that's looking at it, it's not the full picture because you're only seeing it from your side. And it takes a very special person to be able to see it from multiple views. Because at the end of the day, whatever side you're looking at, it's more than just this or that. There's a whole bunch of mini scenarios that we have to consider. But it's very difficult to do it by yourself. So if you are a kid and you're listening to this, you should be using your parents for guidance. If they're gonna tell you no, if you think they're gonna tell you no, and you're afraid to go ask them, then you already know that it's probably not in your best interest because you don't know when you don't want to hear the no. But they're not gonna take fun away from you on purpose. Only if you do something crazy. But if you do what you're supposed to do, your parents are here to put you in the best position possible. And sometimes we don't always know how to do it. But if you don't ask your parents for guidance, you're gonna get your information from your peers, and you know they don't know anything. They know just as much as you do. So please use your parents. That's for any kid. Adults, use your parents. And if you don't have parents, you should speak with people that that you respect and that could give you potentially better information than you look at. And I'll say this sometimes getting information from people that you know is gonna challenge you is your only option. If you allow yourself to make a bad decision on purpose, you have to ask yourself, what do you want out of life? And the most growth I've ever had was being accountable for my past actions and being dedicated to improving how I present to the world. And the number one thing that I want everybody to know, that everybody can work on it. They can strive to perfect communicating. Communication is an art beyond books. It's beyond the practice. It's the intentional effort of trying to figure out how you can send a message without it being lost in translation. Because people are still dying, people are still fighting, people are still getting in heated discussions over things that that says it's only this or that, but it's so many other ways. But if you can't communicate that, you're gonna cause a person to respond differently. And depending on where you grow up, this word could be disrespectful, this word could be not even thought about. But if you learn to perfect communicating, you will, your life would change. And and the reason why I say that, I am going to perfect communicating at some point. And like I said, I know this is a life's journey, maybe generations down the line where kids will get into a practice of communicating, practicing communicating, maybe having classes on communicating. That would be awesome. Like a class of communication. They'll just get better and better and they'll understand the messages more and hopefully change the trajectory of their family. So we have to, we have to listen. We have to also get out of the practice of trying to fix other people's problems unless they're asking for help. And sometimes we have to ask them, hey, are you looking are you just trying to vent or are you looking for some solutions? Because I just want to get into the mindset that I can be the person you need me to be. If we talk like this to each other, we can get better responses from people. And then they'll know how genuine you are. Because at the end of the day, if you're telling somebody anything, you know, hopefully it's somebody you can trust. But if you could get something out of it, we have to learn to listen. And that goes for everybody. Even if you're looking for something, you gotta know who you're talking to. And I know sometimes you can get overwhelmed with things. Sometimes you have to write things down. And I that's that's what I talk about. Write your thoughts down in a journal. At the end of the day, go over them. Because what it's gonna do is it's gonna allow you to see what's going on in your head. Because you have so many things going on, and if you don't order them, it's gonna always seem like it's overwhelming. You have to figure out what your important things are and prioritize them. If you haven't written them down, it's almost like you don't know. Know how much your life could improve if you kind of structured the things that are in your head. Get paper and pencil out, write down your priorities, whether it's your family, your professional career, your personal happiness, materials, vacations, you know, anything like that. And then talk about what you do in eight hours of in your eight hours workday. Like what is the goal? Like I said something on social media this week. If you don't master a skill, you'll always work for somebody. And you know, some people say you will always work for somebody, and you will always work for somebody who's going to determine your salary. Like you have to learn to master a craft and become so cold in it that people can ignore you. But if you haven't got on that journey, it's not too late. Start on it today. Work on yourself. And I'm telling you, the more you work on yourself, the more you know what you need to work on to improve so that you don't have to work for somebody for the rest of your life. I'm telling you, life is fast. And wherever you are in life, you can enjoy it, but it's going to take the effort that you haven't been practicing on a regular basis. And when I say regular basis, it's every day. Every day. If you get into the practice of working on yourself every day, you'll find the versions of you that you've never seen before. And you'll be like, oh my gosh, I don't, I didn't think I would ever have become this person. And you'll appreciate it so much more. You're happy, you're, you'll, you'll see the results in real time where you will become addicted to trying to see what else is next. And this is what happens. When you do that, you'll become the example that others need. You don't know how important you are until you realize how important you are. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action, or the action will get after you. Be great on purpose.