growNman
growNman
150 What happens when accountability meets empathy in a school community
Ever notice how one simple rule can change the whole room? We dig into the quiet power of boundaries, empathy, and daily discipline—tools that turn noisy middle school moments into steady learning time. As an assistant principal, I walk through the practices I use to lower chaos, raise attention, and build trust: seated‑unless‑permitted expectations, locked‑door protocols that protect focus, and the habit of explaining the why so students buy in rather than push back.
The heartbeat here is partnership. Parents arrive as protectors first; our role is to help everyone step into shared accountability once emotions cool. We talk about how to move from blame to clarity, how consequences grow maturity, and why consistent communication is the bridge between home realities and school goals. Along the way, I share the routines that keep promises from slipping—capturing requests, following up fast, and supporting teachers so they feel seen, equipped, and eager to stay. Most educators don’t leave because of kids; they leave because adult culture fails them. We can fix that with systems, empathy, and relentless follow‑through.
I’m honest about the work it takes. Mastery isn’t a 40‑hour wish; it’s steady, intentional effort that compounds by December and carries into the next year. Integrity matters—shortcuts always send a bill—and preparation beats the “when it rains, it pours” spiral. If we do our part, on purpose, students feel important, families feel partnered, and classrooms become predictable places where learning sticks. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a colleague who needs a boost, and leave a review with the one boundary that most improved your room. Let’s get after that action—together.
What up, Doe, and welcome back to I'm Growin' Man. It's your man John D in the building. Uh, I wanted to get on here while I was in the mindset of like being humble. Recently, I've had some colleagues to say that I inspired them to want to improve and get better. It made me feel really good because that's my intent. You know, um, I feel like if I intentionally work on myself, like everybody benefits that's around me. So my free time, honestly, I'm I'm trying to figure out how I can improve something else. Like I'm constantly in this routine of trying to find ways to get better. And I don't just say it now. Like I have like these practices that allow me to work when I'm in idle moments. And my job, being an assistant principal, like the the position that I've been an assistant principal before. But the position that I'm in and the relationship I've established for my principal, she's allowing me to see what it takes to actually run a building. And it's stretching me in so many different ways, but I feel like I'm getting to practice like so many parts of the areas that I'm working on in my life. Like me working on communication, the whole point is to encourage parents that were on the same team so that it won't be a back and forth thing. The most difficult part of a school is when you got parents that don't believe in the school because it's already tough dealing with the students and to hear parents, you know, say things, it's kind of discouraging. And I'm in a place where I'm I'm like trying to encourage the relationships with our parents so that when things don't go their way, because at the end of the day, they're gonna be a parent before they see it the most logical way, because they're protecting their kid. We have to understand that that's what's gonna what's gonna happen when things like that occur. But once a parent gets their bearings about themselves, it is our job to give them the information that they need so that they can pull themselves out of the parent role and look at what's in the best interest of my child, not this blame game. We have to be accountable for the things that our kids are doing. I'm a parent. If my kid does something, like we even have an understanding, like our kids don't even want to us to help them to get out of trouble if they did it, because they say like they did it on purpose. It's no need for us to try to get them out of it. Like they need to receive the consequence. And I think that if parents looked at it that way, our kids would mature so that they can make the best decisions for themselves when they're away from us. And that's ultimately what a parent wants them to do. They just want to be able to like send them out in the world and say, I gave them enough to go get whatever they want. And being in middle school, you know, and I've said this like for years, middle school kids typically parents try to let their kids kind of grow up when they need the most guidance, the most shelter, they need the most like slow down directions. Like you need to be talking to them like they're in first grade because they misunderstand messages. No kid wants to make, like, they don't want to be on the wrong side of history. They don't know about that yet. But their decision making now is being reinforced by the behaviors in at home because it starts at home. Everybody has to understand that they only come to us for seven hours. And at the end of the day, we're just a resource. We are a tool that you're supposed to utilize. We're not supposed to raise your children, and that's very difficult for a lot of educators because we have people that are really good in their craft, and they believe they understand the information enough to be able to teach someone, but they don't realize how important it is to empathize with an environment that possibly the teacher has no idea what it's like to live in that environment where we know as adults and as educators that we we can help you get here, but it's so much going on where it doesn't connect. And if you don't have teachers that understand that aspect, it could look really taxing. And I live, I mean, I work in this environment where you have to reteach just classroom eticacy, you know, like to sit down, you know, to not yell out. You know, they're middle school kids, and I do want to say this, I've yet to ever work for a middle school where kids did not do all of these things that's going on. It's just it just takes a different classroom management, and that's what I intend on doing. I was telling you guys, I was inspired and humbled by some of my colleagues saying that I give them that energy. And this is the reason why, because I want to help. I want to give them everything I know so that they can teach the way that they want, but they have to get this foundation that I didn't realize that until now, like there's a different practice. And in order to be successful in any classroom, you have to set boundaries. So at some point this week, I am going to have to re-emphasize that the boundaries of a classroom. Like no student should be out of their chair for any reason without permission. That should just be across the board. Now, you have your students that need to stand up or they need to walk around, but that's something that you know already with that student. But overall, the classroom energy should be that we should be seated unless we have permission to be outside of our seats. And I'm gonna tell you why this is important. If you know that everybody's supposed to be seated, you don't have to constantly look around because there's no movement. But when somebody does move and you're not paying attention, you're gonna be able to hear it or you're gonna see it through your peripheral and automatically, what are you doing out of your seat? And then you find out, you recorrect, and then everybody hears the culture of the room. This is the expectation. The sooner you can get into the mindset of reinforcing that, this will reduce so many problems, I promise. You just have to be in the mindset of consistency. You have every time it happens, once you establish that culture, you'll have other students telling other students what they're supposed to be doing so that it doesn't mess up that part of the room. Now, I want you to know, as much or as good as I thought it was at that, I still had those problems where there were things that, you know, it was just out of my control. It had nothing to do with the management of the classroom, it just had everything to do with some students are gonna do what they're gonna do, but your object is to get the most control for the longest period of time. And if you don't have a system, you're just hoping that kids are gonna come to school and just do what they're supposed to do. And that's gonna create a lot of anxiety and questioning your teaching skills. Now, I do want to say we cannot assume students are supposed to do what they're supposed to do. Because if we do that, it's it's setting ourselves up for failure. We gotta be careful of that, okay? So, my objective this week is to get in these classrooms and show them at least that part, right? So we got everybody seated. That means nobody should be by the door. The door should be locked on the outside so that it would reduce the number of students that can walk in the classroom. Because if a if students know your classroom is unlocked, they will specifically just come through your door anyway. And we have to be mindful of that. And it's a safety issue. You know, if an adult needs to get in that classroom, they should have a key or they're gonna knock and wait for you to come. And you need to get into the mindset of this: nobody should be opening your door without your permission. Nobody should be opening a door without your permission. Like when somebody knocks on the door, everybody should be looking over at you, and then somebody's probably closest to the door is gonna say, Hey, can I open a door? But they should not be opening a door without your permission. And you'll get students that's trying to race to open up the door, and it's it's all kind of crazy stuff. So you have to create the mindset that nobody should be out of their seats without permission. And this will it will change your classroom. You you got to get into that practice though. But you know what? The way that I'm telling you this, you have to, when you're telling your students, you got to tell them this is the reason why I'm doing this. And then you make them buy into it because they want you to teach at the end of the day. They just don't know the rules they're supposed to follow. So me working on my communication every day has caused me to figure out what I can do to give my teachers this information that I used to use in my classroom that I think was pretty effective. So if I keep polishing, like keep working on communication every single day, at some point they're gonna have this foundation and they're gonna be practicing that. And I'll say it'll take probably by the first quarter to the December. But once you get it, you will always have it because you don't have to restart next year because you already know what you're doing. And it's just gonna get better and better. And then the expectation is like, oh, let's do this teacher don't play. Or, you know, you can't do this. But you know, you'll always have to introduce the boundaries of the classroom. But if you cover those things, I'm telling you, it makes it so much easier. Last thing I want to say is the reason why I'm trying to continue to find ways to get better, because if I can help any and everybody that I interact with to find the energy to get better, it makes everything so much easier. And then the person creates a better result. Remember this when you're happy and you're motivated, you you put a different effort that creates a result that's just hasn't been seen yet. And being that it hasn't been seen yet, if we keep working on this result, because I'm gonna tell you this, I used to be very arrogant in so many different categories that I shouldn't even been arrogant in. But before I came back from Abu Dhabi, these last years, I've never received so many compliments in my life. Like before, I don't know, I might have just been a, I was just a good piece, you know, like not even a good piece. I was something that I don't know, I I thought I was doing. I thought I was, I didn't realize how much better I could become. Now, these last few years, it it excites me to like want to get better because I feel like we work with other people's kids. And at some point, if we continue to work on communication, these kids are gonna receive the message. And if they receive the message, it'll change the trajectory of their family. Like in my mind, I'm so excited about the future of these kids because if we can prove to these students how important they are and they come to school to prepare to learn, it changes the environment of the entire area. And to me, we have to convince everybody it's a possible it's a possibility that this could occur. Like if everybody does their part, it's inevitable, right? But it takes somebody, and that's what I'm telling you. My goal is to become the most effective communicator ever, right? And if we can convince everybody to do their part, like we're in a different place. And and that's what I want. You know, people like, you doing too much. I'm just working on me, though. That's that's how so crazy. This has nothing to do with anybody else. I have dedicated the remainder of my existence to just working on communication, just so that people can understand why they need to do something to create a result that they haven't seen. And I think before, you know, we just was you gotta do it this way. You could do it any way you want. You just have to be intentional about it. And how can you get better if you don't even know what's wrong? We have to learn to show our students, okay, you have a weakness here. Okay, how do we fix it? Why was it there? How can we remove it? How can we improve it? It takes intentional effort. It doesn't go like away overnight, but if you can get in the mindset like I'm gonna get better, like just from the previous day, like if you can just put it in your mind, what did I what didn't go well yesterday? Uh, I got an argument with such and such. Why? What could I have done differently? Just you doing that, it creates a different version of you. And that's the reason why I'm so humble when these people tell me that I inspire them. And I'll say, like, my whole goal was just to become a better communicator so that I'm not misunderstood ever, and hopefully give some people some information that could help them along their journey, right? So this had nothing to do with anybody. I just got on a podcast and I said, I want to push a message that intentional effort changes results. And I've been so fulfilled with just knowing that I'm becoming a better version of myself. Like my wife and my kids, they they know my intent. So they see me working and they understand what I'm trying to get. So I get to like practice with my family with just how can I be a better father and a husband? How can I be better than the examples I've seen, and how can I become the example so that my daughter and my son understands what I was trying to do for their mother so that they could take it to a different level so that they can continue to grow. And, you know, they say the apple don't fall too far from the tree, and I don't know what the tree I'm creating, but I do believe that intentional effort changes results. And if we can teach people how important they are, all results will look different. I think a lot of times the majority of the people are in this hamster wheel and they don't realize they can get out of it, but they have to do it on purpose. Or they're just waking up just kind of reliving the same day as before and like hoping like something changed. Then, you know, you get a bill, or you know, you something happened to your vehicle or something. And I'm not trying to wish anything negative, but there are ways to reduce these blunders in life that can cause you to feel like when it rains, it pours because it's gonna rain at some point. And if you're not prepared for it, you're gonna get wet. And people be mad because they get wet. Have to find ways to enjoy life. But there are certain things that we have to cover, and a lot of times we don't have enough information. So, another reason why I work on communication every day because nobody wants to be on the wrong side of history. But everybody has to know this. In order to change history, you have to do your part. Just believe you're important enough to find better ways to live. And I'm saying you got to be honest with yourself too. If you're doing something that's getting over, it's gonna catch up with you. And I hate to tell you, everybody I know, when that people get over, it catches up with them at some point. But if you just focus on yourself and do what you're supposed to do on a day-to-day basis, it gives you a fulfilling that you've been looking for and you didn't even know what it was. But when you get it, I promise you don't want to lose it. So just yesterday, I got a couple of messages that said, I inspired them from the ways that I view education. It was like I they they said they were humbled also because the way that I look at it and they want me to continue on my journey. And you know, when I started this, I didn't think anything like that would happen. Like, and all I'm doing is just like just sharing. That's it. I'm not telling people what to do. Well, I am telling you what to do. You need to get better. If you're not doing it on purpose, you're waiting for an accident to happen. If I'm telling you, it's way more fulfilling when you do it yourself. Sometimes people get handouts or get like rewarded for a job because it wasn't even it could be so much better if you put in the effort. And I'll tell you this, and then I'm gonna get out of here. I've I've I've accepted the fact that I'm working seven days a week as an assistant principal. Like, seven days a week. Like I am, I do enough so that I'm learning what it looks like faster. Like, you know, I used to work on that 40 hours, 45, or whatnot. Like, I'm off when I get off work and then I ain't thinking about it until like the night before or something. But in the last five years, I've accepted that I have to get better in my craft. So I have hours in my day that I could be working on my craft to get better. And if I have people that I'm supposed to be teaching a way to improve their craft, I have to become better. And I wake up still early, and this to this morning was probably the most productive I've been in my work, my workspace. Like I was just, I need to do this, this, this, and this. Like, I'm gonna show you how dedicated I am. I have a little thing in my phone where it's just if I think of an idea that it needs to be done, I put it in there. And I learned, look, check this out. Shout out to University of Central Florida. I got my master's in education from there in 2005. The professors that that I remember, they were pretty old, but they were cool and they said it how it was. And I'll tell you, I still practice some of the things that they talk about during in 2005. And it's so valuable. I just give an example. I keep a little memo pad in my pocket. I try to because teachers are always asking for something, right? So I try to put it down where I don't ever forget because as busy as I am, I need them to know how I need to support them. My job is to collaborate with them so that we can find better versions of ourselves in education. And I have dropped the ball a couple times, but I'm getting into a better routine of making sure that all of these teachers feel like when they leave, I want them to feel like that we gave them the best experience possible from our support. Because again, when when teacher teachers don't leave because of the kids, they leave because of the adults. And we want to create the culture where if you come to our building, you're not gonna ever want to leave. Because we're in a constant, a constant battle of I don't even want to say battle, uh uh a dance with ourselves on how to find ways to improve. And if you can get into a routine where you enjoy like just like getting better, I promise it changes everything. And my colleagues and friends and academias of different areas tell me that they love the the energy I got. I, you know, I never thought this would come. And it feels really good. So I'm humbled to the point where I want you to know for the race, rest of my life, I'm looking for ways to get better on a daily basis. Like, for real. Like if I'm not, if I don't run into until something that's gonna make me better, I'm looking for it. You know, the routine is so important. You're only as good as the habits you practice. And if your habits don't involve you working on yourself on a day-to-day basis, you're wasting time. And I hope that when you do get the message that you have enough time to appreciate the ignorance that prevented you from getting to work you wanted to find. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-A-T-A. Get after that action, or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.