growNman
growNman
148 Growing Through Disagreement
Have you ever discovered something beautiful through disagreement? That's exactly what happened on my journey toward intentional growth as a husband, father, and man.
Through years of deliberately creating space for uncomfortable conversations with my wife, we've developed what feels like an unprecedented relationship - one I've never heard anyone describe. Our breakthrough came during a recent political discussion about Donald Trump that highlighted our fundamentally different approaches to viewing the world. While I maintain an optimistic outlook focused on what I can control, my wife deeply feels the struggles of others as an empath, particularly those she serves through her healthcare work.
This difference in perspective could have created lasting tension, but instead revealed how far we've come in our communication. What once might have escalated into days of discomfort now resolves quickly with mutual respect and understanding. We've learned to navigate triggering moments, recognize boundaries, and embrace our differences without trying to change each other.
The transformation happens when you curve your thinking toward appreciation for your partner rather than frustration over differences. Instead of forcing my wife to adopt my optimistic perspective, I'm learning to walk alongside her, hoping that in time she might glimpse the peace I've found in not worrying about things beyond our control. This approach has led to what I can only describe as an "indescribable" relationship - one built on growth in real time through the willingness to have uncomfortable conversations with love and respect.
Whether you're struggling with communication in your relationship or simply want to deepen your connection, consider embracing those uncomfortable conversations. They might just lead you to create a relationship that's never been written before. Share your experiences with navigating disagreements in your relationships - I'd love to hear what's worked for you!
what up, dope and welcome back to I'm growing man. It's your man, john d, in the building. So you know I was strongly considering like putting a video up here so I can show you guys something that I just stumbled across. You know there's, so let's just go to where this originated. So the point of these podcasts is just to show how I've come, how I've been intentionally doing things to improve as a person, first as a husband, a father, and then as a man, right. So I went on this journey of intentionally talking to my wife so that we could create a relationship that's never been written, create a relationship that's never been written. And through this process we've created a relationship that I've never heard anybody describe or talk about. And how that happened was just through the intentional conversations, intentionally getting to know each other, having uncomfortable conversations where we find out why they're uncomfortable, and through the process we've talked about so many different things and it's been a pleasure to actually have a partner that I could do that with, because, let's just say I'm blessed that we found something that we haven't heard about and we finally, I think, broke through um, we broke through this, this phase where our conversations, when they were really uncomfortable and tough to talk about. Well, when I say that, I mean like when we're arguing and our voices may change in tone and where we could trigger each other, where you know that's not where we want to go. And going through that with her, I think we became better people because we recognize our boundaries that maybe we can't describe, and I said that because Recently we had a conversation and it's going to lead into this, but it's.
Speaker 1:I wanted to give you guys the background. It was about Donald Trump. Now, I am not a Trumper at all, but I listened to this clip that I was talking about earlier with Dave Chappelle and if you guys have some time, feel free to look it up. It's where Dave Chappelle describes the people in Ohio when they're watching Donald Trump. He's you know, to sum up what he's saying he's saying it's this arrogant white guy who's yelling with like, like, forgetting the rules of debate, making his own agenda, saying that you know she's talking about you don't show your tax returns. And he's saying he's smart and he's using the rules that they have. But if you get a chance, look it up.
Speaker 1:It'll probably make more sense, because I'm not doing it any justice, but I I'm an optimistic person. I, I'm an optimistic person. So the way that I live my life, I I really enjoy all moments throughout the day, like, like, like. I I'm not even lying about it. There are times where my emotions may change because of the situation I'm in, but overall I'm overjoyed that I get to do, I'm doing whatever I'm doing.
Speaker 1:So naturally, I want my wife to feel this way, because she's not as optimistic as I am. And the reason why I want her to feel this way because I feel like when you're optimistic, you know you don't let things you can't control bother you and her dislike for Trump is very similar to a lot of people that I know. So whenever I say anything that could possibly give him credit, it is like what is going on. It is like what is going on, and what's crazy is that this conversation we've had it before and we know we can't talk about it, and I think the last conversation we had, she kind of let me know why she and I can't if the system is broken, right? Or he said the system's rigged and he is going to use what he knows of the system and he became president and he's doing these things Right. I think that if it's so broken that he's going to Completely mess up the system, right, if it's broken or whatnot, then that means that the system will eventually improve.
Speaker 1:So in my head I'm thinking about generations of people. If we're stuck in a time where this is the worst part of the United States history, I'm cool with being here, but my wife and people along with her don't like the federal fundings being cut for people's jobs. They don't like how funds are being taken from people, like Section 8 and whatever public assistance projects. Now, mind you, I I totally know that exists and I have all sympathy and empathy for these people, but these things were happening well before now and I think that if this is the worst part, then we have to like figure out what can we do, like as in you, your own person, what can you do to improve your situation? Because worrying about things outside of our control will, I think, age us, and when I say age, I mean like take days off, on the other end, because you're worried about things that you can't do anything about. So, with my optimistic view, if he's doing such a bad job, we should be excited for the future, and if he's not doing a bad job. We should be excited for the future.
Speaker 1:So when I went back and listened to the to the debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and what I got from it now this is to me it was they weren't talking about the same thing. She was attacking him and he was talking about what he could do for the country and the first thing he said he said all of the rich people in the United States, the richest people right, keep their money outside of the country because the United States won't give them tax cuts. He said why don't you give them tax cuts so that they bring their money back to the states? They can expand their businesses and employ more people. Isn't that what business is about? Right? They said they want to help the middle class, but if the United States won't give them any tax cuts, they can't expand their businesses because it's not in the best interest in the business. Like, if you have a business and I think Now I am far from a billionaire, but I do know that If you, if you could make a billion dollars probably know a thing about money. So they have to play within some rules.
Speaker 1:And I think that Donald Trump, because he's not, he can't speak well, and when I say well, I mean in a way that doesn't offend somebody. He's he's not well spoken, but his ideas, if you can get past his tech, his lack of tech and just consider the idea of what he's saying. Now, if I'm rich right and half of my money is outside of the United States and I can't bring it back in, why can't I get a tax cut? But people like he only want his rich friends to get tax cuts. Well, he's not the only rich person. There's a lot of rich people in the United States and I don't know how much money they have outside of the United States, but I know that if I could bring more money in the United States, that I would do more with it. I think that's only natural and I think that's what they would want to do. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think people are so caught up in the idea that they make it seem like Trump just is all about himself, as far as when he's talking about helping the United States, he's already rich. He said and from what I gather that we've been in debt. We're in debt. I don't know. It's a crazy amount of money, right? I just don't want to say the wrong thing, but it's a crazy amount. It just keeps increasing. Right, and he was like the reason why we're in debt like that because we don't have financial savvy. People in the government and all of their ideas have put them further and further behind.
Speaker 1:He made a really good point and a lot of people in the United States will not understand this because they have not traveled outside of the United States, but I want you guys to know this. There are a lot of places that's considered really nice and when you go there, the airports are ridiculously nice. Right, when you come to the United States, if you come from those countries, you think the United States would have something just as elaborate. I think the best airport in the United States I don't know, maybe Atlanta, and that's nowhere near like you have to come the international terminal is OK, but in comparison to the other airports, it is crazy. It's like why are we like One of the best countries in the world and we don't even have decent airports? So he was just saying, like what are we doing with our money that we can't even make our country look good? And she is so focused on him making his money Like he's like he just he just wants this so he could become rich? I don't. I don't know, but the way that he talks is very is hard to accept because he says things that are not pleasing to the ear.
Speaker 1:But if you could remove the sarcasm, the condescending tones, racial overtones, all of that stuff, and just get this thing, this talking, I think if everybody had that, they would make better decisions, because the way that people speak and communicate with you can affect your emotions and it's sad because I come in peace and finding that this area is difficult between me and my wife. It disturbs me because I'm working on communication, right, and I know this is the thing. So check this out. This is what I gather and I'm going to just share it with you guys. She and I can't talk about it because she works in a field where people are immediately impacted by his decision-making of today and she doesn't think it's fair. So she's empathizing with her clients, me in turn, like I can't control it. You can't control it. Why are you worried about it? And she takes on the emotions of people and I'm learning this information right and I had to like I had given her some information where I thought maybe she would understand why I'm looking at Trump this way and, mind you, the reason why I voted for Kamala because in my mind she was the intent of the party was going to help the country. That is their intent, right.
Speaker 1:And I think that the way that Trump, the way that he presented himself, it made people automatically pick a side. So, regardless of what he had to say, nobody was going to give him time. So, regardless of what he had to say, nobody was going to give him time. Like it was like, and that was me, because I went back and listened to this debate and now this is after the conversation I would challenge you all To look up the Dave Chappelle clip and then go back and listen to the Trump and Hillary debate. This is why, because the Democratic Party was attacking Trump, they were only attacking him. They weren't talking about what they were going to do for the economy, to help people. Because the way that the parties worked prior to Trump, just going by words both of them, they were just. It was just a steady, just movement, but it was still putting the United States further and further back.
Speaker 1:Mike, I don't have any kind of expertise in finances, but the way that he was talking it sounded like he was trying to bring more money to the United States talking. It sounded like he was trying to bring more money to the United States If all of his rich friends and this is another thing he said he said, why does he? Says he gets audited every year. He said y'all don't hear me complain about it. He says he has friends richer than him that's never been audited. Why is he getting audited every year? He said but you don't hear me complain about anything.
Speaker 1:That was interesting right there, because I remember him saying that, but I didn't care because I felt like I was feeding into this perspective, like I'm attacking him. Why aren't you releasing your taxes? So if it's so bad not to release your taxes, why did he not release his taxes? Why did he get away with it and nothing happened? So again, I want to say this too I'm not defending him at all. I'm just saying that I hear different things now and I know like I already had a friend told me I was bugging because I said hey, I'm like I'm talking to you guys. I just did this and this is when I realized how much how many other things am I not listening to made it up in my mind that this person doesn't make any sense because of presentation or prior history or um mistakes, their experiences.
Speaker 1:You know, he said something else also, and the only reason why I want you guys to know this, the point of this episode was to discuss how me and my wife have this beautiful. We have this beautiful relationship. Now, mind you, my friends, closest friends they think that there are other relationships out there. Like me and my wife, I don't believe it and that could be very arrogant, right, but I know that I love her more than I've ever loved her, right, but I like her all the time. Like she, she gives me the energy to find ways to improve.
Speaker 1:So, with this conversation, we bumping heads and the way that it ended, let me know that either I grew up or she allowed me time to process what she was saying, because I know that the way that I was feeling, I was so disturbed because I just want her to have peace in certain areas. I want to. I want her to have the experience that I get to live on a daily basis. I want to show her how to do it so that things outside of her control don't bother her. And by the end of the conversation she was like you know, it's okay that we don't agree. You know it's okay that you know. You know you're, you know we have different perspectives.
Speaker 1:And typically in my head I'd be thinking like I'm supposed to say it in a different way, like cause I wanted the word and I was so mad on the inside and when I say mad, it wasn't like at her, I was mad on the inside that I couldn't put it into words for her to like, at least see this perspective. And because I know her perspective, because I was just sitting over there looking at it with her and then I was just like, oh, maybe we should turn her head this way. But she won't turn her head this way. She wants to look at it this way and I'm like, if you turn it this way. So I don't know how to tell her to go like this, you know, because right now it's like this. I don't want to. I'm looking at it. That's the way it makes me feel like I'm like.
Speaker 1:But she was able to transition like without. I don't know how to explain it, but the way that we came out of that made me feel like man. I know, I don't want to ever take her piece away through conversation, because I'm trying to teach her or be an example of what I'm having I want to give to her. But if I can't force her head, maybe I have to just like refrain from walking that way and in time maybe she'll be able to look back and be like, oh, you know, that's what you were trying to do. But, like I told you guys, you know, when you tell this is just sidebar, but I'm still on it, when you know, sometimes you'll tell your kids you'll understand when you get older. No, that's, that's, that's bad. You want them to understand now because they can make the mistake.
Speaker 1:So with my wife, you know, I don't want her to understand later, I want her to understand now, because the sooner she understands the perspective I'm trying to give her, the more I believe she will adopt a piece that she didn't know existed. And you know, she always says you know, you have this discipline, you're really good at doing these things. Well, I want to teach you. That's what I want to do. You're my partner, you're my wife, you're my everything, and if I can watch you be offended by things that you can't control, I'm supposed to learn how to protect you in that way and I think that through conversation, at some point she'll be like oh, that's what you were trying to do and I want it to be sooner than later because, like I said, when you worry about things you can't control, it's like having uh, two, two, two, uh two flames at the end of the candle. You know how. Two sticks burning on the ends, whatever that saying is. You know you got got both sides of the candle burning and if one is, you're walking and then this side is getting shorter. Like you don't want that, you know I want.
Speaker 1:I want her to live her complete life with a peace that I feel like I found. That I come on here to try to share with you guys, because my life has been intentional, since I realized how important she has been to me, like what I want to give her Is I want to give her an opportunity to enjoy like everything, and I don't think she can do that because she's what you call like an empath that partakes on people's emotions, because she works with people and a lot of it is healthcare, so it's it's. It's really difficult for her to to not take on those feelings. So I have to learn how I present information and the problem is is the person in charge is making all of these decisions. That's impacting a lot of her clients, where even us as a family, because she works, you know, for the state and you know how state gets funded from the government and she has this thing in the back of her mind about, you know, possibly losing her job that she really, really likes and I don't want her to feel that way, but it's nothing she can do about it, right, unless she gets an opportunity somewhere else that doesn't require federal funding or anything dealing with the government. You know when you can take that part out. So hopefully in time she learns how to Remove that type of anxiety, you know.
Speaker 1:But the way that we came out of that, that disagreement, it was the best and it was so fast because I'm telling you we've had some disagreements that that went left and I mean it. It. It took maybe like a day and that was like a night asleep, and I don't. It took maybe like a day and that was like a night of sleep, and I don't want to do that, you know like. But you know I will say it was definitely through too many adult beverages. You know, sometimes when you have too many of those, your tongue can become slippery. Your tongue can become slippery Not saying that you want to be disrespectful, but you're not as mindful when you deliver things and it could trigger the person that's listening and the person how about this? She's teaching me at some point what I want to do. I want to be a person that can listen to anybody, and nobody ever will be able to trigger me again. I want to unlayer the onion to the point where I'm going to be okay. So we're going to continue to work on this, because she and I have something that I'm going to continue to try to share with you guys.
Speaker 1:I believe this relationship that I have, I believe everybody should experience this and I think you know some people like how you know that they're not because nobody told me about that I could feel the way that I do about a person. Like every day, like all the time, if I'm not working on something, like I don't mind thinking about her and it don't make me feel like I ain't got nothing to do. It makes me feel like how can I make her smile again in a way that she hasn't before? And nobody told me that I could do that and in my free time, when I'm thinking and that comes up. That's a healthy thought and I know what I used to consume my thoughts with before. But when you can really curve what you're thinking, you can change your outcome. You can change the way you look at life, and I want to share that with everybody.
Speaker 1:I don't worry about things I can't control. There's been a few things in the past 10, 15 years and it normally had to deal with sports. But now I'm pretty. I feel like I'm a better person when I realized that if you can't control it, why are you wasting energy on it? So the relationship I created with my wife is like it's indescribable at this point. But the way that we came out that argument or that's disagreeing me yesterday I wanted to talk about it because that just showed me where we're getting, where we're getting becoming closer to, and I'm so grateful because when you have those uncomfortable conversations you learn about your person. It's like growth in real time. Appreciate y'all kicking it with me. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.