growNman
growNman
147 The Art of Being Heard
What up, though, and welcome back to I'm Growing man, shemaine John D in the building. Today, I wanted to get on here and talk about something that I'm constantly in progress of trying to improve communication, not just for me but the people around me, because, at the end of the day, we just want to be heard, and I just want to go over some of the things that you can do to improve your communication on a daily basis. Now, a lot of the practices I've gotten definitely came off of me reading books, listening to audible books, me watching professionals discuss what's important through video, constantly trying to find ways to make sure that I'm not misunderstood. Communicator. I was until I actually went on this journey, but today, well, no, but I'm going to talk about tone, pausing, your cadence, the speed, how all of this plays a significant role when you want somebody to listen to you. Now, there is a part of communication that any and everybody can understand. We just rarely use it. We are in the habit of doing bad communication practices and a lot of times we leave out the empathy part of the audience we're listening to.
Speaker 1:Now, I definitely have a problem with this. I recently just had a friend tell me that he loves the energy and the idea of what I'm trying to do, but the way that I express it at times will turn people away, because I sound like this You're only supposed to do it this way, and that is the last thing I want people to think. I do believe that everybody can improve, but I don't believe that you should do it the way that I do it. Now when I say doing it the way that I do it, like I hope you guys can't hear this, but doing it the way that I do it, it's not of importance to you unless you want to go on my path. My path pretty much focuses on, you know, just eating better, watch what I put in my body, try not to abuse anything that may not be in my best interest and making sure people understand my message. I believe doing that goes to just improving every day, like improving on that part.
Speaker 1:Now, I do believe everybody should be improving on something. I don't know what it is and honestly, it doesn't make me feel a particular type of way, as long as you find the importance on why you should improve the things that you care about. When you do that, you put yourself in a position that reaps the benefits of people who actually believe they're that important. I have done so much research on people who get paid a significant amount of money and I realize that they're really good at what they do. And I am telling you, no matter what you do, if you improve who you are on a daily basis, no matter what you do, will improve. Also, when you work on yourself, everything benefits.
Speaker 1:But if you don't work on yourself on a day-to-day basis intentionally, you're going to complain about so many different things that you don't have any control over. Through this journey, I have determined that if you can mind your own business I mean when I say your own business, like the things that you're interested in, things that needs to get done if you could become really good at that, you become happier because you focus on things that need to be done according to you and you invest the time necessary so that less mistakes occur. A lot of the mistakes that happen in our life is from ignorance or lack of preparation, and if you work on yourself, you will learn the discipline of how to take care of yourself. Back to the original part when I was talking about communication. No matter how poor or how rich you are financially or how much experience you got. Your communication is so important, especially if you want somebody to understand where you're coming from, and I realized that mankind has a problem with working on that, because we honestly feel, if you understand definitions of words, that you understand what I'm looking for, and I think that has been the downfall of communication and I think we need to learn the fluency of people versus the language, and I do believe fluency in language is important. But if we understand that the person on the other side may not understand and we have to say it in a different way, we should be prepared to say it in a different way, be prepared to say it in a different way. We should really ask or say it in a different way, just to ensure that the person is understanding us.
Speaker 1:I've seen so many people feel disrespected because somebody has done something, didn't do something, because of the environment they grew up in. This is a form of disrespect, so everybody should know you shouldn't do that. And then they create this, they create this wall that separates separates them from whatever they're trying to do. And now they're triggered because they believe that this person has the same thoughts and grew up the same way and it's common knowledge. You know, when I grew up my father used to tell me that I didn't have any common sense and it used to bother me because it wasn't like I wasn't trying to have it. But as I got older I realized common sense is only common to those that's around it. Like you don't just not do something to get a result that's not in your best interest or anybody around, but when you do something it's because you didn't know. And my father had a practice was like you got book sense with no common sense and they used to disturb me because I just didn't understand that. But as I've gotten older I realized that we should not assume anybody knows anything that we know, because if you do you create more room for error and disappointment and when disappointment comes it gives you an emotion that doesn't bring the best out of you.
Speaker 1:So if we put the effort in working on communication and not only just I said tone, the cadence, the delivery, your body language, facial expressions, all of that is important. I was telling a friend of mine and it might be a little narcissist but I don't think it's a bad narcissist trait, like if I'm talking to somebody and I don't like what we're talking about. If I feel like it's neither one of us are benefiting from it, I will somehow change the conversation. And the reason why I'm doing this is because the older I get, the more I realize how important time is and I don't want to waste your time and I definitely don't want you wasting mine. And if I feel like we need to shift this conversation, I don't have a problem with doing it, and most of the time I can say most people don't even realize I'm doing it because whatever we're talking about didn't have any substance anyway and that is an opinion, but things that don't have substance. If you want to catch up with me and talk about something that was out of our control, I'm probably going to shift the conversation. I'll entertain it for a little bit, but if I feel like that's the main reason, I need to make sure that we Understand why we had that interaction and that's just the way that I think. So if you end up meeting me and and you don't like the way it's going, you're more than welcome to leave the conversation. I want you to know that that is no disrespect because, again, if I don't have anything that you can benefit from, the last thing I want you to remember is that I wasted your time.
Speaker 1:So, body expressions, facial expressions just be prepared, when you have an engagement with somebody, to listen. I used to have a problem with listening to my audience because I always wanted to talk, and I'm not going to say that I still don't have those thoughts now, but I'm learning that if I listen more, there is a different learning going on, and I haven't been used to it because typically I'm always trying to share something that I've learned. But when you listen to people, you can learn so much and it's not like putting people in a box. It's more so being empathetic to a situation that you can assume you know but you don't know. But when you listen, you get just a little bit more information that will allow you to be able to answer or reflect in a way that you could benefit from. You know. So the reflection piece of communication is awesome.
Speaker 1:Like good conversations, bad conversations or conversations that you felt like was a waste of your time. You should always reflect. You have to think about what could you have done differently when you didn't feel like it was a waste of your time, like the best response going forward is learning from your past responses to things that you didn't like the outcome of, and a lot of times we don't understand how much control we have over preventing misunderstandings and communication. The thing is is that we have to be aware enough that it's happening. A lot of times we just be talking, just to be talking and particularly the only time we really focus is if the content is has some connection to us. So if it doesn't have any connection, you can find a waste of time. About the development Excuse me, you could find a waste of time about to develop. Excuse me, you could find a waste of time starting to develop because who wants to talk to somebody and nobody's getting anything out of it.
Speaker 1:So those of you that are afraid to communicate with people because you feel like you're an introvert or you get anxiety, go into a conversation just intending to learn, just see how they respond, ask them questions. They say that people don't really remember when people teach them anything unless it's absolutely necessary. But people typically remember how they feel when they engage with you and our communication can sometimes turn people off because we assume the worst. That's what I've noticed Like people are more pessimistic than optimistic.
Speaker 1:When I go into conversations, I'm always looking for the nugget. I'm not looking for something that's going to trip me up. I don't have that type of mindset, although I can be a little naive, thinking optimistically about everything. But that's the benefits of having the right team around you. I feel like I have people that will challenge a great idea to make sure that if we're going to move forward, they have to understand it too. And if I have a great idea, I should be. If we're going to move forward, they have to understand it too. And if I have a great idea, I should be able to give information where people are like okay, I got it.
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of times when people come up with great ideas, we automatically assume that somebody is supposed to see why it's a great idea and if you're not prepared to defend it or to elaborate, to explain it, it can cause a disconnect within your team and communication. Having the ability to communicate effectively. You'll already know that that is a part of the game. When you have a great idea, there are going to be people that don't see it and you have to be able to eloquently speak so that they can receive it, versus you thinking they're negative. All they do is complain, and that's not the case. They just want to understand it too, and that is the way that they respond.
Speaker 1:So through this journey of me communicating, I'm realizing, just in this conversation journey of me communicating, I'm realizing, just in this conversation, I realized that maybe we're more pessimistic because we're tired of being disappointed or we haven't learned how to correctly brainstorm and understand the inquisitiveness in people. And inquisitiveness can just be simple questions that you feel like they're supposed to know the answers to. And that's unfortunate, because if you get bothered by the questions they are asking, then that means that you may not be as prepared as you believe. And as I continue to work on communication, I have to know that there are going to be people that tries to counter, try to counter because they've never heard it, they've never seen it or they've seen it fail. But it is the responsibility of me, if I'm going to introduce something like that, to expect feedback, and no feedback is the only feedback. That's bad, because how do you grow from no feedback? You can't possibly think you came up with a perfect product.
Speaker 1:So negative and positive feedback will allow you to grow in the way that you communicate with people, and the better you become, the easier it is for you to be able to deal with any and everybody. Because I learned some time ago when I used to do signatures I used to collect signatures that that person, that might be the only time that person speaks with somebody that whole day. And I thought about, like I talk to people all day, but everybody don't. They don't have that luxury of you know productive conversations where they can grow and that could be pretty lonely. I'm not saying that everybody goes through that, but I did learn that some people go to work just to be able to interact with people because they don't have anybody to go home to. The ages definitely range from young 20s to as late 60s, early 70s. Maybe that's tough, because I believe that if you're a great communicator, that you'll always find a way to be able to learn and grow through that capacity. But if you're not a great communicator, you'll find a way not to do it. And then if you do that, that's a different silence that I don't believe anybody's looking for.
Speaker 1:This whole, the whole point in this podcast episode was to focus on the different parts of communication that we can work on so that we can enjoy life just that much more. Like I do believe the more confident you are with talking to people and learning from people, the more you grow as a person and you'll find it easier for you to grow in your professional career, private career or any other part of your life. People that you talk to will benefit so much. If you work on communication, like I said, your pace, how you talk. Sometimes people get nervous and they talk fast, but you just want to make sure that you're checking in that the person understands. And another thing I do want to recommend those of you that are working on communication put your phones down, like when you're on your phone, whether you know this or not.
Speaker 1:People say multitasking is good, but when your goal is to listen, you shouldn't do anything else. Because when you multitask, when you're supposed to listen, your listening skills go down like a ridiculous percent and although you might be listening, you may not understand the urgency in the voice or the body language, the facial expressions, because you're not fully engaged. You're just listening, trying to listen to keywords that may bring you back to whatever's being talked about. But you have to intentionally put your electronics away because it will change your conversation and I don't think anybody wants that, they want to get the most attentive version of you because they know that you're important, and if you don't give that to them, you're potentially creating a wedge in a relationship. I mean, like I said, most of us don't know we're doing it because we're just practicing bad habits.
Speaker 1:But as we continue to move forward, we have to find ways to communicate where the person is at least understanding the objective. I have seen people get in arguments and they weren't even talking about the same thing, like literally was not talking about the same thing. So in order for us to reduce these misunderstandings, disagreements, arguments, we have to work on ourselves and I do believe communication is an area that we should practice every day. And I'm not just saying talking to somebody, I mean learning how to communicate where you get in less arguments. And I'm not saying that you're talking to less people, but you're learning from the person you're talking to. You're not wasting your time, you're not just talking to me.
Speaker 1:Talking You're being clear and concise, you're being direct, where the both of you understand what the point was, because a lot of times if you don't understand, you will assume and you won't know. It's just so many hours just wasted in your life from not paying attention, and I think that's probably the largest part that creates the argument is people not paying attention or understanding what the other person's talking about? But a lot of that comes from not understanding, through the lack of paying attention. And now that we live in this environment where cell phones and electronic devices are keeping our attention, if we don't intentionally work on our communication, we're going to get into more disputes and more confrontations that could lead to separation with people that we care and love, about the people that we care and love and nobody is doing it on purpose, right. But if you're not working on the thing that could decrease those things from happening, why wouldn't it come?
Speaker 1:So I will continue to find ways to improve my communication so that I can be a better example to not only my family but when I go to school, so I can teach students you know the most effective way to communicate, because if they learn it at a young age, they're going to benefit exponentially, because people genuinely want to help. And if you know how to communicate, why wouldn't you be able to get the help you need for you to be great on purpose? To me that sounds like one of the most rewarding things that you could do in life is work on yourself and immediately get the benefits from it as you move through life, on something that you just learned at an early age Like I learned this, of course, after 40, but I couldn't imagine if I was practicing on my communication as a young person every single day, like a lot of my not so great moments would have never occurred. And hopefully me practicing will change, change the idea of how we interact with each other.
Speaker 1:Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.