growNman
growNman
I am growNman 145 Unmasking Vulnerability
Vulnerability requires courage—the courage to do what's right when nobody's watching. During this deeply personal exploration, I examine what it truly means to act with integrity in a world that often rewards self-interest over moral clarity.
Drawing from personal experiences, I share two pivotal moments that tested my character: discovering a stranger asleep on my couch in the middle of the night, and finding $6,000 in cash that didn't belong to me. In both situations, I faced a choice between self-interest and integrity. While friends and colleagues encouraged me to "look out for number one," something deeper guided me toward decisions I knew I could live with long-term. The emotional reward of returning that money—witnessing the owner's tears of gratitude—proved far more valuable than any temporary financial gain.
This episode challenges the notion that taking advantage of others' misfortune is ever a "blessing." When we've grown up without enough, or when we're struggling financially, the temptation to compromise our values becomes stronger. Yet these compromised decisions rarely lead to lasting fulfillment. As I've discovered through hard-won experience, decisions made with integrity "age well with time," while self-serving choices often return to haunt us.
The path to genuine happiness isn't found in accumulation but in cultivating inner contentment that doesn't depend on external validation. By intentionally helping others without expectation of immediate reward, we create unexpected opportunities for growth and connection. This isn't about perfection—it's about progress toward becoming someone who consistently chooses right, even when it's hard.
Are you making decisions today that your future self will thank you for? Listen now to explore how vulnerability might be your greatest untapped strength.
what up doe and welcome back to I'm growing man shaman, john d, in the building. You know, as I shoot this pot, I'm looking at myself and I look blind, like I can't see. And in all actuality I really can't see. I can't focus from here without my glasses. But I wanted to see if I could complete, complete this with out my glasses. Sometimes I get uncomfortable when I can't see that far.
Speaker 1:So today's episode we are going to focus on vulnerability. And what does that mean? Something I've been always saying is that If you do the right thing, it will always age with time. You know, sometimes people make decisions and say that decision did not age well with time, and say that decision did not age well with time. But in order to make a decision that will age with time, you have to be vulnerable, and a lot of us can't be vulnerable because we were compromised at such a young age. You know, when I think about doing the right thing, what does that look like? Well, if you're not compromised and when I say compromised I mean let's check this out let's say, as a child you grow up poor, where you can't get everything you want and Somebody leaves some groceries outside and you look around. Nobody's around. Would you think that it's okay for you to go grab these groceries since somebody left them? You're like. You know they left them. I obviously didn't meet them. It's my blessing. I'm going to take the groceries because I need the groceries and you know it's crazy the vulnerable part in that situation if that bag is not for you, you're supposed to walk away from it, and I know that is very difficult to do.
Speaker 1:I want to give you a couple of examples that has happened in my life where I was vulnerable enough to just attempt to do the right thing. There was a moment in my life where I lived in an apartment building where every floor lower looked the same. So if you got off the wrong floor you could literally go knock on a door that looks just like your door. I was asleep about one or two in the morning and I wake up and I'm hearing like this heavy breathing sound. Now I'm in my room. I'm in a one bedroom. In my bedroom there's a door in. The living room is over here and mine just in one bedroom. So it's very small, it can't be more than four or 500 square feet. I hear this breathing, so I get up and then it stops. I'm like I'm tripping. So I go back in the bed. I think I go to sleep and I wake up and it's louder. So I get up and I stand at my doorway and I look out and I hear this breathing and I turn on the light. It's this white guy on my couch and I'm like who are you? Now, mind you, this is the moment.
Speaker 1:This is during the time period where a police officer mistakenly went into somebody else's house and killed them. Now, I'm not going to say all of that was going on in my head, but I do know this is the time period, I'm aware of it and I'm like who the F are you Like? I'm really like he gets up. He gets up and he looks up at me and says, bro, chill out. I'm like what, get out of my house. I'm like, chill out. I'm like what, get out of my house. I'm like get out of my house. So he looks at me and he goes to lay back down and I was like man, get out of my house. So he gets up. Now he can't be more than 5', six, a hundred, and I don't know he was like I could have easily like messed him up, right. So I'm asking him to get out. I'm on At this time, I'm calling the police.
Speaker 1:Like dude, there's a dude in my house. He won't leave. So he finally gets up, he puts his shoes on, he tries to use my restaurant because it's like on the way out. I'm like man, if you don't get out, I open my door and push them out. And I was like, stand there and I took a picture of him Right At this point I'm up, right. I'm off the phone with the police because the police said OK, they call back in like five minutes and ask me if he was still there. They said if he comes back, let us know. So now I'm hot, I'm like I can't believe. The police said call me back if he comes back.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was just thinking about the moment where I was telling my friends and you know my friends were like you should have beat the brakes off of me, you should have done something. And I was thinking like I'm glad I did it Because, let's say, hypothetically, I did that. What are the events that's going to happen after that part? I got to fill out reports, I got to do all of this extra stuff to me.
Speaker 1:Now some people thought maybe your safety was in danger. It was, but I didn't know how endangered it was and I think sometimes you have to be able to sit back and make an honest assessment before you overreact. I could have easily hurt this guy. I could have killed him. To be honest, I was in my place, I knew where everything was. I could have really hurt him. And to listen to the friends that I had in many different groups, majority of them said that I was supposed to do something and you know. Now you know I have conversations. They say that you know I did the right thing, but they said that they were not as calm. They don't think they would have been that calm in that situation.
Speaker 1:And I realized I was being vulnerable in that situation because my safety was in danger, but at the same time, the place I was living in it was it was a safe place. Well, I had to think that I was not in danger for me to make those decisions. Um, could I've done something differently? Next, I mean, if it happened again, I think I could have talked more sensibly like hey, brother, you're in the wrong room or something. You got to go, because I was really upset. I was. I was almost to the point where I could have grabbed him because I was just, but I'm glad I didn't.
Speaker 1:And, looking back, I'm happy that I was able to make that decision, because I don't know what could have really happened if I would have put hands on him. I know that was in my house and the laws and all of that, but you just never know. So to me I felt like I made the best decision possible. So with all that you know, can, can you? Can you make decisions without compromising yourself? And I'm telling you, growing up, people always thought things that happened to them was a blessing, even if it was somebody else's mistake, their demise, their decision-making. And as I've gotten older, I look back at the decisions I've made. I would like to believe that I made the best interest for all the parties involved and if I didn't, it was because I was ignorant. But the man that I've become, I look back. I never wanted to take advantage of people. I think I've said this recently, but I want to, not recently, but in the last few years.
Speaker 1:But there was a time where I found six thousand dollars and, mind you, I'm in debt, a lot, student loans. I know that life and my family could benefit from it. And I remember when I had it and I was on my way home, I had a 45-minute ride. So I'm just talking to different friends. What do you think I should do? I don't think one person said I shouldn't keep it. I don't think one person said I shouldn't keep it. I think 100%, 100% of people said keep it.
Speaker 1:As time went on, like the next day I went back to work. I found it at work too. It's crazy no names on it, just just the envelope full of money. As time went on, some people said man, you know what you don't have to. You probably should try to find the owner. And I didn't know how to find the owner at the time.
Speaker 1:Um, but in my mind I was. I was thinking it's like okay. I was thinking it's like okay, I could do this, this and this, and we're going to be good, right? So as I contemplate, what am I going to do? I talked to my wife and I can't really remember what she said, but I believe she knew that I was going to turn it in, because she knows the type of character I have. You know, I believe in what goes around comes around karma Whatever you put into the world, you're going to receive. It's like a whatever action you give, there's going to be equal or more reaction or whatever. I do believe in that. I've always believed in it.
Speaker 1:But at this time I always felt like this could be a blessing and by the next day took the money back with me to work and somebody came up to me that I was good colleagues with and said hey, did you hear Such and such lost $5,000. I was like what, did you hear such and such loss, five thousand dollars? I was like what? So guess what my mind is doing? Five thousand dollars. It was six thousand in there. So Now I am attempting to compromise myself, but when they told me who it was, I was just like I can't do that.
Speaker 1:So I had the opportunity to go get him. I was like hey, can I have a word with you? He said, of course. He comes in my office. I show him the envelope and he looks down and he looks up and I hand it over to him and he cries and he just hugs me. He says shukran habibi, like it was in. It was in Abu Dhabi. And look, check this out.
Speaker 1:There was some people from other countries. They asked they didn't. Well, they asked me. They was like why did you turn it in? I was like, because it wasn't mine. He's like man, you better than me. I was like were you at least waiting to see if they're Emirati? And I'm like, why? And I was like, because Emiratis don't need it. I was like I didn't even think about that. But I didn't think about that At least I don't recall thinking about that.
Speaker 1:But the idea that somebody had already thought about how they would be able to take the money after hearing what happened, it was crazy, because $6,000 is a large amount of money for the regular class of people and and being that he was not Emirati, I know that he worked hard for that money and it took long enough because the way that he cried in this, that money, and it took long enough because the way that he cried and this was the complete benefit. I had thought about a million ways to how to spend this money. Most of it was to like pay bills, but you know, to watch him cry, I felt like he was happier than I was spending the money and I was like that was the best feeling I could ever have and that's why I feel like when you make the right decision, it ages over time perfectly. Nobody's going to say, man, you should have kept that money, or people would say that.
Speaker 1:But me keeping that money, I could tell you this it was not going to get me closer to my goals, because I wasn't even in the mindset of being closer to my goals, because I wasn't even in the mindset of being responsible enough to take care of my goals. Like I would have paid bills but in my mind I would have ran the cards back up, I would have done things that I didn't need to do because I thought I was going to get to it. So, looking back, I feel like I did the right decision and I'll be able to share that with you. Know, whoever?
Speaker 1:I told my kids that they they understand the type of person I am and they know I'm I'm. I'm a genuine person that wants the best for people, whether I know you or not. How about this? You could hurt me and, if I can recover and ask enough questions, I know that you did it for whatever reasons you had, but it wasn't, probably didn't have nothing to do with me. But in my mind, when people are compromised, they will make decisions that's not in the best decisions for themselves. For the importance of that moment and I understand that it's just that as we mature into adults, we look back on things and, like man, we could have done things a lot differently and I can say the things that I did that are in the best interest of everybody.
Speaker 1:I'm most proud of those moments. Those moments gave me a sense of clarity that deep down, I'm a good person and that makes me feel good. You know, uh, I remember like people was like people. People do it, people would do it to me, so that's why I would do it. You know, just because people will do it to you.
Speaker 1:That doesn't make it right and at the end of the day, to make a really good decision, you got to think if I was rich, would I take this money? If I had all the food in the world? If somebody asks for help, would I help them? But when you don't have those things and you're compromised, it's very difficult for you to help others and you don't have to give it all to them. But helping gives an energy that returns back to you. Now I'll say this you can really help people and the energy will come back to you. It may not come back to you the way that you want, but it's going to come back to you. Well, not, let's say not the way that you want in the time that you want it.
Speaker 1:A lot of people be wanting to. They want to do something good and hope that the universe is going to give them something immediately. When they were like, like, like, if I do this, this is going to happen. It could, but it could happen when you were 70. And you'd be like where did this come from? So, at the end of the day, putting good energy out, it helps a better road for you later in life.
Speaker 1:If you are out here grinding and you're taking advantage of people because you're in the right spot, right position, perfect timing that's a setup. The universe is setting you up for you to be upset later. And he'd be like what did I do to do this? What did I do to deserve this? And then, if you actually reflect, you're going to think about a million things, because a lot of people don't just do one thing, they do several things and then they don't know which one it was.
Speaker 1:So, as you move and matriculate through life, if you make the best decision and, like I said, you have to truly consider is this something that could happen to me and I'm cool with it? Because if you can get upset because somebody could do it to you, you will not be cool with it. You're going to be upset and be like if it ain't one thing, it's another. It's always happening to me. It's not always happening to you. It's the energy you put out there and then the energy just returned. Now I do want to say this If you intentionally help people every day, doors are going to open for you. If you don't have time to help people, don't expect doors to open, but not saying that that door won't open but you won't recognize the opportunity because it doesn't happen as often. So the more, the better practice you get with helping others and finding ways to improve life, the more ways you're going to find happiness. And I know people don't look at Happiness like pay, like happiness. Happiness is a state of being that you choose to be in, like people can make you smile and make you happy for a moment. When that moment's gone, are you happy within? Are you happy on the inside? Do you need people to be happy?
Speaker 1:I think my separation from my family created a silence in my life that I had to learn to control. I didn't realize how much was going on in my life that I didn't have control over, or I didn't know how to control over, to have control over it. But now I'm like I'm in a place where I'm so Inspired to create episodes that could possibly help anybody that's had similar situations that could take anything I have to help their life. So the question for people out there in the world would you do it if you didn't have to? I do know people say man, I do it, just you know you never can have too much. That's incorrect. You can always have too much, and I think that's probably what's wrong with the capitalistic society we live in.
Speaker 1:People don't know that an overabundance is not good and just because you work for it doesn't mean you're supposed to keep it to yourself. You're supposed to. In my mind, you're supposed to show other people how to do it. You know, like the, the problem with parenting is that parents fish for their kids, versus show them how to fish so they can catch their own fish. So in my mind, I think of people with an abundance of things that are really good at what they do, whatever energy they use to get to that point, to that point. I don't think that they know how to communicate, to show others how to do that, because that that mentality, the capitalistic mentality, is dog eat dog world. And if you're willing to do that as a way of living, it's really difficult to help people because you felt like I did it, they can do it, and you know, I used to feel like that at one point.
Speaker 1:I do believe your story is way better to tell if you can do it without help. But everybody don't have that opportunity and I'll tell you this I would have preferred help than to figure it out on my own. A mentor, somebody that would have given me a few more nuggets along the way so I could reduce the mistakes I was making. Some of the mistakes I was making was so detrimental. It's a possibility this podcast could be a total different mindset, like the blessings that I'm not compromised with the information I'm sharing. Think about this Every episode I send is something to uplift people, not a specific group, not a particular group, just people.
Speaker 1:Although I'm in favor of people, helping people of color, I rocks with white people. White people have helped me throughout my process through life and I don't have a problem. But I do know that black people or people of color don't have the resources of the guidance I'm talking about in comparison, and I could be wrong. You know we all get messages, but I do know this People that come here.
Speaker 1:This message that I send can't hurt you. It can only make you better. It can't even waste your time. Only way it can waste your time is if you don't practice any of the things that I'm asking. And if you've already practiced and you didn't get any results, maybe you didn't put the work that it needed to develop the outcome you were looking for. This, this life, takes an intentional effort that most of us was not taught and I can say that. And as I keep moving forward, I want to keep finding ways to reach students, adults and anybody that's willing to like look for something different. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or the action will get after you. Be great on purpose.