growNman
growNman
I am growNman 138 Breaking the Routine: Finding Growth Through Discipline
Ready to transform your communication and relationships? This raw, honest episode delves into the power of intentional growth and how small daily practices can revolutionize your life.
The journey begins with a simple yet profound insight: slowing down transforms conversations. Discover how implementing a 3-5 second pause before responding prevents misunderstandings and defuses potential conflicts. This chess-like strategy of planning your moves before making them applies brilliantly to life's daily interactions.
Language learning emerges as an unexpected path to better communication. Through studying Spanish, German, Arabic, and Korean, I've gained startling insights into how poorly we often express ourselves even in our native tongue. We overcomplicate messages that could be clear and direct, creating confusion where understanding should exist.
Perhaps most powerfully, this episode explores how intentional growth heals and transforms family relationships. Learn how my wife and I built genuine friendship and trust, creating a home where family members truly enjoy being together. This wasn't accidental but resulted from deliberate choices to mature emotionally and prioritize connection over distractions.
Your own growth journey starts with selecting one skill to master. Whether languages, chess, or physical challenges like a two-arm plank, consistent daily practice creates momentum that will transform not just that skill but your entire approach to life. Document your progress, celebrate small wins, and watch as intentional effort yields remarkable results.
Ready to make today better than yesterday? Press play, grab your journal, and join a community of people committed to growth, one intentional day at a time. Don't worry about what you can't control—just get after that action before that action gets after you.
what up, though, and welcome back to I'm growing man shaman, john d in the building wanting to uh, jump on here and do my thing. I I do want you guys to know that, like I mentioned in the last episode, a lot of things are starting to pick up for me, starting to do some other guest appearances on some podcasts, so I'm really excited about being able to share this information in different podcasts coming up, so be on the lookout. What I really wanted to focus on this week was really just tell you guys how I try to prepare. Today is Sunday. I've been off for a week from my day job during summer. School was off for last week and going back this week, so I'm going to still continue my routine as far as waking up as close to four o'clock as possible, because I find myself waking up earlier, and the wife and I have decided to chill out on adult beverages only on Saturdays and holidays or special occasions special occasions. So that's what we're going to do now. We're going to find different ways to save some cheese and protect our insides as we continue to find ways to improve. That's going to be interesting because you know, sometimes you just need a release. So we're trying to just do our best and not abuse alcohol, and we are being responsible because when we do it we're definitely at home. But just the simple fact of doing it too often so that we can be more present.
Speaker 1:Continuing my languages, you know, present, continuing my languages, you know. You guys know that I study Espanol, deutsch, el Arabi and Hanguk El Arabi. I think I'm pretty good at it. It's just that listening, because language can be you know who's talking to go really fast and it's it's hard for me to comprehend. Sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend English, let alone other languages, but I can read and I can speak. I can speak enough to do more than survive. I can speak enough to do more than survive. My best language is probably that or Espanol. And I do want you guys to know the reason why I'm working on this, because, in my mind, if I'm going to work on becoming the best communicator ever, I should be able to speak other languages. The least I could do, and what I've learned through this process of studying these languages, it's showed me how much I didn't understand English and it's making me understand how, how people can miss the message because of how they received it through so many different reasons.
Speaker 1:But when you're learning other languages, just want them to whoever's listening, to get the point. So you don't say too many words. When you speak your own language, if you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings or something, you kind of sugarcoat it and the message could become completely ambiguous, where the person will completely miss the message. And I didn't realize that until listening to other people speak and I'm like okay, so you can't take other people that can't speak your language, you can't take it as seriously as you would speak a native speaker, because you know that they're learning so they could say something, so you give them more grace versus somebody who speaks your language and you know it's crazy, we don't even know how to speak our own language and and I and I'm saying that with with hopes of being able to encourage people to continue to work on English because the language, I think, overall, has stunted our growth. The Western world's lack of mastery in the English language has stunted our growth in the last 2000 years. Growth in the last 2000 years, yeah, so well, I guess maybe it's the mastery of any language, but I do believe English has, has, uh, been the stronger of out of all the languages because most countries want people their kids to grow up to be able to speak the language and, and I think, because our lack of mastery in it. That's the reason why we're where we are today.
Speaker 1:But I'm a continues learning my languages. I'm still working on chess. My average is about a thousand. My average is about a thousand sometimes when I play. It says that I can average between 15 and 1700, but I make too many blenders for those of you that watch it or play it. I really do enjoy the game, but I'm just at a point where it bothers me that I can't wait three to five seconds before I make a move. But I'm just at a point where it bothers me that I can't wait three to five seconds before I make a move because I'm just, I want to create blenders and I think that's really related to my life. Like when I have conversations with people, I find myself not listening, still trying to correct problems when that's not might be not what they're looking for, and I think it's. I'm stuck right now mentally because I haven't got over the hump, but through my routines I'm still trying to figure out how I can just slow down. I want to slow down, and I think that's what everybody should consider. When you slow down, when you wait three or five seconds before you respond, you're more likely to give a response that won't be as offensive as your first thoughts. And a lot of times my first thoughts are very raw and, depending on how you grew up, you might think that's being you and it is being you, but there is a better version of you that could present information where it won't be so offensive.
Speaker 1:Just because you grew up in a household when the language was spoken like that on a regular basis does not mean that it's okay for you to continue to use that language when you go out in public. That's you, you can be you, but I just want you to know it's. The language could be taken as to be aggressive or unsafe, because typically, when you do hear that language language something's about to go down in any other places of the world like if you hear somebody cursing, it's about to go down but when you hear people do that on a regular basis, you just don't know. You feel like is this is about and it makes people feel unsafe. So that's why I know like, like I have taken control of trying to make sure I don't offend people. You know people like you know you shouldn't be worried about. You know, shouldn't be. People shouldn't be so sensitive. I'm not worried about people being sensitive, but my language comes in peace and if I offend you it wasn't intentional and that's the honest to God truth. And even if I'm triggered, I want to make the three to five seconds pause where I can try to figure out was that for me? And if it was, what did I do to get it? You know, and I want to be able to respond that way. I don't want to like feel like I'm here for the smoke, because I'm not.
Speaker 1:I used to be the one for the smoke. I used to create the smoke. I used to light the fire right in front of you and blow the smoke in your face and be ready for the smoke. And I was a problem and unfortunately I did that for way too long. I didn't realize that I was just immature in a lot of my areas of growth. My age said I was an adult, but there were parts of me that was still acting like a child, really knew how to say that to me without me throwing a grown man temper tantrum where they were, like you know, as long as he ain't bothering me, didn't have interventions, nobody said anything.
Speaker 1:I had to really find this, that I was immature, but the reason why I'm saying this is because communication is so key and I don't want anybody to ever misunderstand anything that I say. So if any of you guys listen to any of my podcast or guest podcast interviews anything and I say something that you disagree with, feel free to engage in a conversation, because I'm not saying whatever I'm doing is the right way. I'm just saying I'm doing a better way than I was doing before, and sometimes people don't even know a way to improve, so I'm just presenting options for people to feel like they're not stuck. So, as I continue to work on being able to pause three to five seconds listening processing, ready to ask questions to ensure I understand what I'm about to respond to, I'll just keep working because I feel like, overall, we have something to work on and I think, overall, we have something to work on and I think well, I know for a fact that everybody and 100 percent of all humans should work on communication on a regular basis, where we can reduce conflict. We don't talk enough. We don't know why people feel the way that they will work on themselves. Because, I'm telling you, when you work on yourself and you get a result that you didn't even know you were looking for, it creates an addiction in you, like you don't even have to tell anybody. But you know what's crazy. When you do it, you want to tell everybody because you want them to do it too. He's like man, just work on yourself. I promise you'll get different results.
Speaker 1:And I know I've said this before, but I had a friend, a very good friend of mine. I said, john, everybody don't want to get better, everybody don't want to get better. And I was just thinking about that. Everybody don't want to get better. Oh, and he said that in front of other people and nobody corrected him and I was just like this group's not for me. I realized that the group that's the perfect group for me, because I brought engaging questions that made people think outside of the box, and there were men there that were definitely older than me that said keep doing that. You know we need that.
Speaker 1:And I kind of left it anyway because it was so time consuming. I had to prioritize what I thought was going to help me and my family progress, me being an example or a mentor or just a good friend. I kind of just ran away from it, you know, because I am in the process of learning how to become a better husband and a better father so that you know my household feels safe, that I'm leading the way that I'm leading. You know I'm not putting anything outside of the household in front of what I deem is important. You know I can't say my family is important and I'm doing these other things. That's preventing the development of the family. And this is another thing. When you like, like and I'm still a work in progress, but I do I do voice these things within my family. Like we, if.
Speaker 1:If there was another COVID outbreak, like, and we were locked in the house, me and my family would enjoy it, because we enjoy each other's company Like for real. I remember when people were bothered because their kids were at home, because they didn't they haven't established what the house is supposed to look like, where everybody is peaceful and enjoying each other's space and their company. They come together like when you, that's the part that's missing in the family. When you can't, if you can't coexist, if, if, if you can't coexist, like, what is the family part, like because'all you know related by blood. You help raise somebody like you should enjoy each other's company where, like, no matter what everybody feels like, we can come back here and feel like it's okay, and to me I feel like that's okay and to me I feel like that's a part of my routine.
Speaker 1:And I didn't do that before. I didn't like I didn't mind being around them, but I didn't like try to find time to be around them either. You know we had our moments where we were together. We always ate dinner at the same time. Well, we always eat dinner together, you know, unless somebody's gone, but for the most part, 99% of the time, we eat dinner together and if I'm cooking breakfast, of course we're eating it together. But we have moments throughout the week where we get together and like whether we try to watch a movie, play video games, board games, card games, games, board games, card games.
Speaker 1:But that's a part of my routine, thinking about what I could do, because now my kids are like baby adults and the engagement is different and it feels like I'm not doing enough because they're about to leave and as a father that's trying to catch up for moments when they were younger, when I was bothered because I didn't want to go to the pumpkin patch. You know like I didn't want to do these things Like because I didn't do them as a kid. I didn't realize that and the presence like I just needed that experience. I look back and I'm embarrassed as a father to like complain about being with my family because a game was on, and it's embarrassing. You know it won't happen again. But to look back, that's when I, like I know like people need to know you have to truly be mature to enjoy a relationship with somebody.
Speaker 1:And through this journey I have, I've learned so much that I, like I just hope that, whatever I'm putting out into the universe, that you guys know that if you work on the relationship, it could become something that you look forward to waking up to Like not the lustful part, like oh, can't wait to be touched or can't wait for them to touch me or make me feel this way. I'm talking about just a genuine friendship where you'd be like man. What are we going to talk about tomorrow? Like you know, like when you go to sleep, like you know, like when you go to sleep, like you enjoy the company of that person. And I did not know I could do that.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm so blessed that I was able to find this because, like I've said and would work on it more, because it's it's already hard enough to mature, but when you are in a relationship with somebody, you guys are like trying to mature together and we can't be, we can't be doing the same mistakes. And when I say same mistakes, I mean doing the same mistakes. And when I say same mistakes, I mean I was telling a friend of mine women don't nag. Women ask their partner to do something. Right. If you don't do it, they ask you again. It's becoming a nag because you haven't done what should have already been done.
Speaker 1:And I was like just thinking, like, if my wife asked me to do something, it's because she couldn't do it, not because, like, she didn't want to, or maybe it was too heavy or she has too much on her plate. But it's almost like we got to know what are they doing that they couldn't do it themselves? What are they doing that they couldn't do it themselves? You know, like, and that's what I realized, like I have to trust my wife and I didn't. I didn't trust her. I thought she would take advantage of my time and it's just the messages that you follow.
Speaker 1:I'm so blessed that I'm mature enough to grow with my wife and you know, continuing this routine and working on my communication, it's, it's it's made me feel like it makes me grateful. And when I say grateful I mean like, like maybe I almost died and I got a chance to do it again and and, and I can say that it was a near-death experience without having it. But creating a relationship with my wife has been by far the most rewarding rewarding, I don't want to say job, but experience that I've gotten, because we not only have beautiful kids, but we enjoy each other's company and we consult with each other Like we're building together, like we're watching each other grow. And if people knew that it gives you this feeling like I know that men have have not had this feeling, because if they did, they would literally build it because it it it creates a different kid, like it's a different self-confidence, where anxiety is going to look a little different. Like it's like you're really creating a different path for them, and I'm not saying it's a better path, but I feel like there'll be more confident in being able to pick the person they want to be with, they're going to have better rules, they're going to have better strategy and, like again, they can always lean back on their parents for counseling.
Speaker 1:So me working on this relationship throughout the like, it's a part of my routine and I think, like I told you, I recommend you guys go back to the very beginning of I'm growing man and look how much it wasn't even I'm growing man. I forgot what it was called. I changed it to I'm growing man, but I'm trying to show that and you know what this process to where I've gotten it was on my pace. My pace required a lot of hours for me to do it intentionally. But you can definitely get there faster and you know people say you know you shouldn't do that. You might, you might burn yourself out. I'm like I'm just working on myself. I don't know how you burn yourself out by working on yourself Like, oh yes, I'm also incorporating a challenge for myself. I want to do a two arm plank by the time I turn 50, I have about two and a half years. I created a routine but I haven't started yet. I just did it yesterday, but I think I'm gonna start today. For sure, I'm going to start doing it in the morning time when I wake up, so that I can get get the adrenaline flowing in a different way than I, than I I have previously, because normally I just get up and study, but now I can get in some sweat and drop some of this weight, build up some of this core and increase the strength, because I really do want to be able to do a two-arm plank. There are a few things that I want to cover before I get out of here.
Speaker 1:Your life is a series of habits. When you get off work, what are you doing, like? What are you doing with your time? Are you working on anything for mastery? And this is one thing like, like, if you're not doing anything, find something that you like, whether it's knitting, whether it's painting, whether it's I don't know, uh, playing video games, but invest some time into it. Where you keep a journal of where you are so you can see how much you've mastered along the way. I mean not master, but how much you've gotten better. And the intent of this exercise is to show you that if you put time into anything, it gets better, but if you put time into something that you like to do, that you care about, into something that you like to do, that you care about, you will put more time into it, where you will get to a level of production that you couldn't have done without the intentional effort.
Speaker 1:So I challenge any and every one of you. Pick anything you want, do it five to 10 minutes a day and if you really like it, do it up to an hour. If you like it more than that, it's on you. But I just want you to document your journey. I even recommend why don't you create a podcast of your journey? Show people your journey on where you started and where you came. Where you came and the wonderful thing about creating a podcast you're telling your story as you're living it and as you get better.
Speaker 1:You will inspire people by just working on their craft. And it'll be because of you, because you found the will. That's what everybody has. Right, they have some type of will. Now, everybody's not good at using it, but once you use your will to bend all of your opportunities, like, you find an energy, like ah, that's what you got to do. Like when you do something from the beginning to the end, the level of difficulty does matter. Like you can make a perfect bed for the rest of your life, but you know what is it going to do. Like you should be accomplished. You should feel good that you made your bed, but the skill level will matter if you understand the process. So learn a language, learn an instrument, whatever you used to be good in, bring it back.
Speaker 1:Unless it's dealing with physical activities, like if you are a basketball player and you are over the age of 35, I don't recommend you getting back on the court. People, like, when you hurt your body, you're a different person at a certain age because it doesn't heal. No-transcript like. The problem with me and our age is that we really believe we're still young and our body is going through it because we're in arrested development. We're stuck in one place and not knowing that our body is not what it used to be. So y'all do that. Y'all pick something and work on it diligently, journal it so you keep yourself accountable. Like, if you don't keep yourself accountable, who's going to do it? I just hope those of you that decide to take yourself seriously that when you get there, that you don't beat yourself up for not doing it sooner, cause I'm telling you sometimes I look back, I'm like, cause you know I started. I started I got on this journey about 41 or between 40 and 41, but I really went all in in 2020, maybe the end of 2019, early 2020. And I just feel like I've seen so many benefits of just working on yourself that it's only necessary to share the information so that hopefully it'll ignite some of you guys to get to that finish line. And when I say finish line, I mean when you learn the process.
Speaker 1:You find yourself wanting to do more because you're like what can I really do? I think I can really do a lot more. Like, if you don't do a lot more, I don't know. Like maybe that's what your life is about. Maybe you like being in that good hamster wheel complaining, but if you don't get up and move, nobody's going to do it for you. Y'all. Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A, t, a Get after that action or that action will get after you.