growNman
growNman
I am growNman 134 Fatherhood by Design
What makes a father worthy of celebration? Is it merely biology, financial support, or something deeper? In this raw and honest Father's Day reflection, we explore the profound difference between being a father and practicing intentional fatherhood.
The hard truth many don't want to hear: living with your children matters. When fathers don't share a home with their kids, they miss crucial developmental moments that can never be recaptured through weekend visits or financial support. This isn't about shaming those in separated situations, but rather challenging young people to consider the lifelong consequences of creating life with someone they aren't prepared to build a stable home with.
Fatherhood isn't about clearing the low bar set by previous generations. Many comfort themselves with the idea that they're "better than their parents," without recognizing this as a false benchmark. True fatherhood requires intentional growth – constantly examining your behaviors, communication patterns, and emotional availability. Your daughter will likely seek partners with characteristics similar to yours, while your son learns his concept of manhood from watching you navigate life's challenges.
The most powerful gift you can give your children isn't material but exemplary: demonstrating healthy relationships, emotional intelligence, and thoughtful decision-making. Father's Day isn't about celebrating the ability to create life, but honoring the daily commitment to shape it through presence, intention, and unwavering effort.
Are you becoming the father your children deserve? The work begins now, not just on Father's Day. Make today better than yesterday. G-A-T-A: Get after that action or that action will get after you.
what up, though. Welcome back to I'm growing man, shaman john d in the building. Uh, happy father's day. First of all, I want to get on here and share the love, spread the love. But I do want to distinguish my ideas on Father's Day. My daughter, or my wife, asked me today what does it mean to me? And, to be completely honest, I didn't know it was Father's Day until like six something this morning. Somebody sent out a happy Father's Day message. Morning. Somebody sent out a happy father's day message, um, and I told my wife that when we were driving to the airport, because she said happy father's day and I was like you know, I just found out it was father's day like about 30 minutes before you said that, and it came up again when we got home and she was like you know, I know the the agenda.
Speaker 1:It says that they push Mother's Day more than Father's Day. I understand why they do that and I think it's necessary. A lot of times I don't think we really understand, like, what a father is supposed to be doing, because we're still holding on to these ideas from the beginning of time there's protection, there's protector and all of this, and I think it's more than that it's the example you lead and a lot of. I'll say this. I said this before. I think being a parent is a complete privilege, but if you're immature, you'll have a baby by somebody you're not supposed to have a baby by, because there's a process to being responsible and bringing people into this world. But if you don't, if you haven't been taught that or you didn't follow that, you'll come up with different rules to say what's best, when in all actuality, it's all about the kid, and I don't know any kid that wants to be brought up in a single-parent household, and I think that's the reason why Father's Day doesn't hit as hard as Mother's Day, because typically the kids go home with the mother and people can fight me about this all they want.
Speaker 1:If you think you're a good father and you don't live with your kid, imagine what you would be if you lived with your kid. Be a total different father, like there are things that you can't see when you're not in that household. So all the money or all of the days you pick them up. Now, this is not. I am not knocking anybody who's already in this situation. I'm talking.
Speaker 1:This message is for young people who are having or participating in adult activities that could potentially become a father with the wrong person. Like I told my nephew I've said this before too this is crazy, but if you and honestly, if you don't have your own place and you get somebody pregnant, you're probably one of the worst fathers ever. I'm gonna tell you why. You can't take your. You can't spend the night with your baby. Baby probably probably going to go home with their parents and that baby going to be there and their parents ain't letting you spend the night. I don't know what kind of relationship you think you can have, but you're not a good father if you can't be home with your kids. It's too difficult.
Speaker 1:Now, the most difficult job in the world is being a single parent. Totally believe that. Because you know why. You won't know how good you did until they become adults. Because I'm watching people my age and older going through the blues because they didn't do the best that they could as a parent, and some people say they probably did the best they could. The best you could is if you intentionally do something.
Speaker 1:So I'm telling you, if you want to become a better parent, you have to do it on purpose. You can say this well, I'm better than my parent. Yeah, you were born better than your parent. Your parent at least made sure you were going to be better than them. But the problem is, if your parents bar is low and your accomplishment is that you did better than them, it's kind of like a fake award, like you are already better than them when you were born, like they gave you something more than they had. So if your parents are decilin for you, that's a tough trip and, like I said, you won't know until they get older. And look, I'm almost 50. I have friends that are close to this age, if not older, a lot of them going through trauma from how their parents treated them, growing up in single parent households, not having enough information to prevent all of that. We have to do a better job at who we decide to participate in these activities with.
Speaker 1:So when I think about Father's Day, I used to just think about it just like any other day, and actually I still do. I think it's just like any other day, but I do. I want to acknowledge those fathers that have intentionally tried to become better, not just doing what they're supposed to do. That's what all fathers are supposed to do. You don't get acknowledged for doing the things that you're supposed to do. I think to be acknowledged. You're doing more than what you're supposed to do because you're trying to give them everything that they can use to build upon what you've already done. And if you're not doing that, you're gonna learn at a later date, because everything we do, barring death and I'm not even saying you don't even get gets any of messages before you die, but you're going to learn. And this is the thing.
Speaker 1:This Father's Day I feel like I've been a father for 18 years. I've lived with my kids and well you know what I did miss a Father's Day with them. I was still abroad and I didn't get home until July was still abroad and I didn't get home until July. But for the most part, I've been with my kids every Father's Day and this one right here is probably the most meaningful without the day, because I've never been this father.
Speaker 1:The father that I've become or becoming is a constant process of trying to figure out what I can give them so that they don't go through any of the things that I went through. And a lot of people say you know, those experiences you had gave you character, made you who you were Absolutely right, but that don't mean that they were safe for kids. Like a lot of the things that I did as a kid that I thought was fun was probably dangerous or it could. It could yield a consequence that would change my life forever. Like, as a father, I'm supposed to give them that information where, hey, I, that looks fun. But if you get the consequence from that type of fun, is it worth it? And there's no consequence worth I mean there's no fun worth having if your consequence could change your life for the worse. And as a father, we have to teach our kids that they're too important to just be having sex with any and everyone because they're attractive, they have money, or you think that they're the one at a young age, like you don't know anything about them. You know, I know a lot of people. They feel like they everything's different. Right, it is. Things can happen.
Speaker 1:But I'll tell this even if you find your soulmate, you're still going to have to work and that parenting, part soulmate or not, that's two different ideas coming together to create a better life for a human being. So this Father's Day I want to say shout out to the men who are becoming a father with intentions of becoming better, because I think the word father is supposed to continue to become a solid foundation for your people to look back, he makes sound decisions. I need to bounce some ideas, obviously, and that's what I want to be. I want to become that type of father where, as I get older, my experience allows me to make better decisions that could help people around me. Because I'm telling you, this life thing is really what you make of, it is what you put into it.
Speaker 1:So on this Father's Day, I have been working to become a better father so that my daughter does not end up with riffraff that I used to be and when I say that I was riffraff, I was cut from a cloth that was rough around the edges and nobody couldn't tell me anything. I felt like I knew what I was doing and now I get that it was just a lot of life with bad decision making and and I am I am so blessed I didn't get any consequence that was going to change my life, because now I can do this. I can be on a podcast articulating or telling my story on how I got lucky, because I was telling my wife the other day I said we're almost 50. We have two healthy kids who did pretty well, doing pretty well in school. We work in a service world. We live where we want to live. We've traveled, we're in a great place where we can evaluate, like we did it, like as a kid, like, if you think about, like where you want to be, this is where I would want to be. Like I feel like I mean there's some things that I would change financially, but I understand why I'm not there financially. But overall, I am where I want to be.
Speaker 1:I get to work on creating a different type of bond with my family that I didn't have from the day before, and if you work on today and be present, it gives you it's almost like you're controlling your own fate. You know, if I keep working on this, it's going to get better. Keep working on you, your family, people that you care about. They yield a fruit that most people don't know about, because you actually have to put the work in.
Speaker 1:No matter who you are, if you don't put the work in, you're hoping somebody else does it for you, or you're hoping somebody says, hey, you're doing it the wrong way. You should do it this way If you are truly the person you want to be or want to become. You have to do it on your own. And when I say do it on your own, I mean like you got to go talk to people you respect and ask them their opinion. What can you do to make sure that you are enjoying and living the life you're supposed to? And if you can't find them, lucky for you, I'm going to tell you what's going to do. Lucky for you. I'm going to tell you the keys to getting what you want, some things that I wish somebody had told me and made me understand it. So listen closely. You have to put yourself first.
Speaker 1:And when I say that, it's not like just being selfish with you know, with certain things, it's like taking care of yourself, self-care, like you make you do things differently when you're happy. So if you're unhappy, you shouldn't be doing anything. So if you're unhappy, let's say if you're at the unhappy stage you have to find out some things that make you happy. And the things that make you happy shouldn't cost any money. It shouldn't deal with anybody, it could just be you. Maybe you need to write and find out why you're unhappy. But the sooner you can appreciate who you are, the more you can elevate yourself.
Speaker 1:But while you're in the process of finding your happiness, you need to know your effort is the most important ingredient in all of this, because without it, nothing changes and everything changes. Right? Just imagine you're in a world that the only constant thing in life is change and you've stopped changing. Because of what? Your effort or the information that you know. You have to go find it. If you see somebody or know somebody or heard of anything. Now we have so many different ways to get information, whether it's Internet video channels where they have self-help or how to DIY type of videos you can literally move in a direction without anybody helping you. But you have to believe you're that important.
Speaker 1:But if you don't have that key ingredient, with effort, you're going to hit a roadblock and nobody can get you out but you. Some of you guys have probably been there for years because you haven't changed the effort to become the person you're supposed to become, and that's got to be dark or lonely, maybe depressive. You will have to put in an effort that you haven't ever done before. You know, I was thinking like, have you ever gave 100% effort? I was thinking I've given spurts of 100% effort, but I think that I give myself assignments or tasks to complete and that's my effort. But I've noticed the more and more I do them, the more and more I find ways to try to sharpen it so that it could become the most polished part of me. This is the type of stuff that I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:As a father, I want to give this stuff to my kids. I don't want them to depend on anybody, but I want them to know that if you don't get a partner, it's very hard to grow, because people who have a circle, they have their own circle. It's a bubble. Y'all only talk about the same stuff, unless you have a circle where you guys are intentionally going out, getting information and coming back and talking about it, recirculating it. You guys are caught up in a bubble. But if you have a partner, your partner is not in your bubble. Like your partner goes to different places and you guys actually come back and you share information Like how was your day?
Speaker 1:You know, you don't you don't really say that to your friends like where you can get in depth, but when you have your partner, it's a time for learning what they saw, why they saw it that way. Should they have seen it a different way. This is when the growth comes in. So my wife made me realize how, like the value of best friend and I didn't even know she's been in my life for more than half my life and she's Day the jewel of the day if you don't do it on purpose, it won't ever happen.
Speaker 1:And the only way you could do it on purpose is where the key ingredient of growth is effort. The more effort you put into it, the more likely you get the outcome that you were looking for. And you know what you never know the effort that you do put into it may give you an outcome that you didn't even know. You were possible, doing, capable of doing, you were not even capable of doing. So we have to truly consider are we getting a holiday for the effort or just because we were able to make a baby? And if you don't put that work in making a baby I mean if you don't put that work in raising your child that consequence is going to look different and nobody wants that. I do know that Through my existence of living, I've noticed that nobody wants a negative consequence. But if you don't put that effort in, you're hoping for a miracle.
Speaker 1:So happy Father's Day to all of the men who are intentionally trying to become better fathers so that their kids, kids, their kids, can recognize good energy. When I say good energy, I mean your daughter typically, uh, is interested in the characteristics of her father. Whether she has one or not, she, she has this idea of what she wants in a man, and if you were around, that's going to be the key part. So, as a father, I'm supposed to protect my daughter by being an example, because I'm telling you, whatever you hide, when you hide you create a behavior that looks attractive to your daughter and she ends up attracting that person to your daughter and she ends up attracting that person. And if you have not figured it out, you're hoping your daughter's going to figure it out, and I don't think that's fair.
Speaker 1:Fellas with sons, think of the most difficult questions you're going to have to answer if your son asks you. And if you can't answer that question, where your son can grow, it's going to be a tough Father's Day one day. So happy Father's Day to you, men who are doing the best they can. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose on Firepeace.