growNman
growNman
I am growNman 109... Empowering and Protecting Black Women: Fostering Empathy and Understanding Through Open Dialogue
What happens when the cultural narratives we grow up with prevent us from truly understanding and supporting those we love? Join us on a journey of reflection and growth as I share my personal story of awakening to the unique challenges faced by Black women, particularly my wife. Growing up in the late 70s and 80s, I wasn't always equipped to empathize with the struggles Black women face, largely due to media influences that overlooked their experiences. Through heartfelt conversations with my wife, I've learned that empathy and active listening are key to being a better ally. We'll also explore how the historical contexts of the U.S., Canada, and the UK differently shape the experiences of Black communities, underscoring the importance of continual learning and evolution in our perspectives.
Empowerment and protection are two sides of the same coin when it comes to supporting Black women. This episode sheds light on the often-overlooked ways men can inadvertently fail to protect the women they love, even in interracial marriages. Open dialogue is crucial in ensuring that Black women's voices are truly heard and respected. We celebrate the extraordinary achievements of American Black women, especially those between the ages of 21 and 47, and emphasize the necessity of recognizing and uplifting their contributions. Mistakes are part of the human experience, but they also offer opportunities for growth and improvement. By committing to understanding and supporting Black women, we can create a more inclusive and supportive community for all. Let's work together to ensure Black women feel protected, valued, and empowered.
what up, though, welcome back to I'm growing man shaman jai deep in the building. Um, happy holidays to everybody. Uh, hope you guys are with the people and the environment that brings you the most joy out of life, especially during this, this festive time. So those of you that find reasons not to support this part of the year I do know the history of it all, but at the end of the day, it's how you spend it, and if you're not doing this throughout the year, enjoy the moments with the purpose of family and friends. And those of you that don't have family and friends, I hope in the near future, more doors open up to you for you to be around people in their happiest moments in life.
Speaker 1:Today I wanted to, I guess, kind of make a response on the protection of Black women. I'm married to a Black woman. I'm half black, my mother's Korean, so I can't say that my father knew how to protect black woman himself, so I didn't have that understanding. But being married 16 years and then hearing these messages and the things that my wife wants to happen, she gives me a different perspective. You know, I have to put that into consideration on what's important, because I'm married to a black woman and when she brings out the point on why she feels like black women aren't being protected, me and her husband I'm supposed to listen and try to empathize as much as possible. You know, at the beginning I don't think I was really listening. I kind of kind of like I just was not fully involved, I wasn't invested in how she was feeling. But over the course of time, listening, now I understand, like I don't think that anybody's out there intentionally trying to disrespect, they're just doing what they believe they're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1:You know, I was born in the late 70s and I was a teenager during the post, the post peak of the crack epidemic and when black folks was coming outside and enjoying themselves during different festive occasions like Freak Nick, essence Festival, other things throughout the United States. And when I say that I'm just saying like what my eyes were starting to pay attention to. And rap music for me was like the only music. And listening to rap music during that time, that positive, positive, pro-black music, I just was not into. Uh, I wasn't mature enough to understand it and I kind of just favored toward the, the player music, pimp's music, that mentality. So having a father, that wasn't good in relationships. Like I said, my mother left. My examples were entertainment and protecting black women was not a message until maybe the last 10 years.
Speaker 1:And, like I said, I've been trying to learn because I want to protect my wife, my daughter, my family members when I can and when I watch people say things where they don't protect black women, they're not doing it on purpose. They don't know that that's unacceptable until after the fact and then somebody says they didn't do this. Because I'm going to tell you, I've lived abroad before and I've learned that American black people are totally different from any other group of black people. It's hard to it was not really hard to explain. Growing up in America.
Speaker 1:I feel like slavery is is a constant reminder that we came from really tough times and our slavery is like the most difficult slavery in comparison to the rest of the world. So and the reason why I'm giving this caveat because sitting with other people, particularly Canada and the UK, you could just hear how they say they don't have the same gripe as we have with white people and they explain it and they're right. Like the white people that they have problems with didn't didn't treat them like the white people treated us. So we have a different, a different struggle. And when I'm watching those two young men that really got a bad rap and you know, I listened to their apology and I really believe they meant it, but there was no way that they could have been prepared for that, because they don't even look at it the same way as we do. And I could say this I do believe that there are American black men that could have done the same thing they did also. You don't know until you're in the situation. And now I feel like people are going to be more prepared when they feel like our black people I mean a black woman not being protected, because when people talk about it, people are more like it's like dropping a seed, because they don't want to be disrespected.
Speaker 1:And, like I said, that the the messages I grew up on had nothing to do about protecting black women. I wasn't going to hit a black woman. Uh, I don't. I can't say that I've cussed out a black woman. I haven't cussed out any woman. I don't recall. At least, if I did, it was in my youth, before I matured, but I don't recall even doing that, but not hitting anyone. So in my head, protection it's way deeper when you're married to one, because you understand the things that you don't pay attention on a daily basis. I'm a man, I'm a black man and I'm half Korean, so I had to have my own journey, so let alone knowing how to protect this woman. I'm not even qualified to protect, but since my skin color says that it could possibly work, or you know my educational background or my, my motivation to do well in life attracted her.
Speaker 1:I ended up getting a responsibility I didn't even know about and to watch people not know how to respond in situations like that, and then people beat up on them like I would have done this so easy to attack. And I think this is one of the reasons, because people don't know how to respond. Like, honestly, if I'm caught up and I said something wrong, I can apologize for not knowing. You know what I'm saying, but it won't happen again. And I think a lot of times, the way that people apologize for things that they say they don't want to take back is because that's their belief system and their belief system is going to affect their most important product that they're creating and that's their finances. Like if you really believe in what you believe in, you wouldn't change what you say. But money changes people and I can say this if I say something to offend you, please believe it wasn't on purpose and I'm willing to apologize immediately in front of whoever you feel like I need to say it. I don't need anybody to write up something so that I don't offend any type of, because I want my language to be received by any and all and it comes in peace.
Speaker 1:But when you're on TV and you are generating this brand to create this money, it makes you a different person and you become. You stand up for the wrong things. Listening to how people respond, it's okay to just like my bad. I did not know. You know it was a bad joke. You know I thought this was something that was going to hit me and then, when I realized it, you know I got defensive because I couldn't understand. Like I'm a comedian, I mess up and I think that's it. But that's any person, just even the podcasters, they could have done the same thing. That's it. But that's any person, just even the podcasters, they could have done the same thing. But I feel like when you don't know how to apologize, you don't even know what you did wrong. It's probably going to happen again. You know, like I'm not saying like even me, because I put myself in that situation Like what would you have done?
Speaker 1:And I don't think I would have known, I would have supposed to. I don't think I would have laughed, I'd have been like I'd probably ask more questions. What makes you feel that way? What's your pool of people? I think my opinion probably could surpass that, but again, it's an opinion and I think we get upset because we want people to be smarter than they are. Know, um, if people don't want to think about how people are going to feel, they can come up with whatever title to justify that.
Speaker 1:I don't have to think about somebody's feelings and I know that we're living in a world where he's, like you, sensitive. I don't think is that we're sensitive. I think is you just grew up in a probably a tougher environment and your feelings were disrespected at an early age and you got numb to it and you said, hey, you need to be tough like me, and I don't think that's the case in anybody. I don't think anybody wants to go through that. But the idea of being sensitive because you hurt my feelings, like my bad. I didn't grow up that tough. You know, I got my own demons. I didn't know I was supposed to look for a tougher way to grow up, you know, and I think that's the case because everybody thinks somebody grew up understanding like somebody's trials and tribulations and that's not the case.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so back to the protection of black women. I'm still learning. I promise I'm learning, but I'm doing it on purpose at this point because, being that my wife and I have a podcast and people are listening, we know at some point people are going to want to have us talk about and I don't want to say anything that could ever make my wife feel like I'm not protecting her. And even in my past I didn't know what protection meant. I didn't know what it looked like.
Speaker 1:I was still trying to figure out how to be a man, let alone protect my wife, and I know like a lot of times people feel like, you know, people should be confident in being a man. I'm really confident in what I know, but I know that there are so many other things that I don't know and I want to respond in a way that's not going to compromise my wife's feelings, because her feelings are important to me and if I love her. I need to do my best to protect those when I speak and sometimes you're going to get caught off guard. But if you prepare and you learn your person, you understand what you can and can't do and if, at the end of the day, your person will know like yeah, shoot, I didn't know that was supposed to hurt my feelings so I couldn't tell you that, but you know like somebody's going to be hurt. But, like I said, my language comes in peace and if you find some disruptive words that can offend you, please help me figure that out, because it wasn't on purpose. I'm not the type of person talking about you too sensitive. I'm the type of person that says I come in peace and I want to learn from you so that we can grow together and become a better community of humans.
Speaker 1:This idea of not protecting the black woman I've seen men protected by black women married to black women and still practice behaviors that's not protecting the black woman. But they don't know that that's considered. I don't know. I can't just speak for my opinion, but protecting the black woman requires discussion with your person if you're married to one, because if you knew how to protect a black woman, going to make sure that their voice is going to be heard and be treated accordingly, and I think that's for everybody. I think when you know the rules of engagement, it's less likely for anybody to disrespect on purpose unless they want to smoke and, like I said, I don't think anybody wants to smoke especially with black women, black women, american black women uh, to just separate that group are the most decorated and awesome group of people filled with education experience. Out of any other group of people like between I don't know 21 and 47, like you can't find another group of successful people Like. They're remarkable and their voice needs to be heard.
Speaker 1:Um, and I'm going to do my best to to play my part, you know, um, I know I come on here and I talk about relationships, but the relationships I created with my wife makes me want to talk about this. And it's not like this isn't for clickbait, this isn't for I don't know anything that you can find negative. It was just to bring awareness for people that don't know how to respond accordingly when they hear something that they haven't heard. And If you respond ignorantly, it's okay to say, hey, I probably should have kept my mouth closed. You know, I'm always trying to participate in conversations and I got caught up.
Speaker 1:I got caught up in the moment and I think people can look at body language like nobody wants to be fake about that, like I didn't do that on purpose, I'm sorry, I'll do a better job next time. But you know, like they keep doing it, you know that they don't mean it, but at the end of the day, like I'm sorry, you know, like I really didn't know that I was going to offend anybody, and you're more likely to get like dang, he's human. And then the world will continue. But everybody wants to be canceled because everybody's not perfect at their craft. Everybody's learning, especially being an human.
Speaker 1:With that being said, I will do my very best to continue to push a message to help all groups of people, but particularly protecting black women, because that is a message that we're all learning and I think we all want to learn. If you don't want to learn, continue to participate in poor practices of treating people, on how to treat people. But for the rest of you guys who want to make the world a better place, I tell you this Black women will protect any and everybody to particularly the black man, but they do believe in mankind. I do know that they will help any and everybody, especially mothers and when I say mothers, black mothers will, unless, of course, you know, they grew up in a tough environment and they're all about their own. But they will help out and I've seen people don't. They're not as open and you know that's just my experience.
Speaker 1:Um, but shout out to black women American black women who feel that you're not being protected and still are pushing forward to make sure that your voice is heard and deserves to be heard. Shout out to all of you guys. Shout out to all of you guys who believe that we need to do a better job and make it sure that they don't feel that way. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.