growNman
growNman
I am growNman 102 Embracing Purposeful Connections: Redefining Relationships and Sexuality for a Fulfilling Life
What if the quest for a meaningful life starts by redefining how we view sex and relationships? Join us on this thought-provoking journey where we challenge deeply ingrained societal norms and explore how sex can be more than just a distraction. By sharing personal reflections and lessons learned from observing my son's healthier approach to relationships, we explore the damage caused by conventional narratives and the importance of intentionality in choosing partners. This conversation is a call to action for men to rethink what they've been taught and to lead by example, fostering fulfilling and purposeful partnerships.
We tackle head-on the pervasive negative messaging that often misguides men into reckless lifestyles, emphasizing the significance of recognizing one's intrinsic value. By being transparent and intentional, one can forge substantial, rewarding relationships. Through personal anecdotes, I illuminate how a committed marriage can be deeply fulfilling when both partners prioritize support and protection. This episode is a rallying cry for men to transcend harmful societal narratives, focus on daily self-improvement, and seize control of their lives to craft a more satisfying future. Listen in and discover how mastering oneself can lead to the most rewarding connections.
what up dawg and welcome back to I'm growing man shaman, john d in the building, and today may be a uh, a topic for adults, mature men who are the light on this earth. And I just want to tell you I know it's going to be a lot of people to like knock it down, but I really look back at why. Why was practicing sex for fun like a regular practice? I don't understand that part like it's supposed to be a special moment. You, you hear it and I think that it's gotten watered down. Where I grew up in the generation where we were told that men think about sex all the time and in my head I was like that's just what a man does, even through to like maybe 41, 42 like. I was just thinking like like well, that's, that's false. I just really feel like if we look at sex differently, as if it was like something special, you would be more mindful of who you lay down with. But if you think it's supposed to be a regular thing, then we could easily misuse something that's supposed to be special and create messages that don't even make sense. I see men fail because of the messages we grew up on. No man you know sets to fail at anything. You know they, they may live a little rocky but overall they want to win right, you have to think about the messages we got to.
Speaker 1:The sex destroyed a lot of people's stories and it was unfair. But you know it comes from the lack of guidance, role models that reflect something different. Because I'm telling you, growing up I was just telling my friend I grew up with a divorced father, you know, and in 90s players music. You know what I'm saying. I was like you listen to that. You start to think that that's what life is supposed to be like and that's so far from the truth. But I convinced myself that's the life I wanted to live. Just looking and it's like what guidance did I have? How did I turn it around? And I look at it like if a man could master himself, he wouldn't allow sex to be his downfall. So therefore, everybody who falls for sex is because they believe that is a legitimate reason for them to be in a situation of pain and they didn't know what could I have done to do differently. And that is a tough pill to swallow right there. But what examples do we have? Like now, like if you're not approaching the person you're going to lay with like this is the person I'm supposed to create something with. Yeah, you're playing an ignorant man's game and if you know better, they say you'll do better, right, but if you believe that this is how you're supposed to live life, that's scurvy.
Speaker 1:And I'm going to tell you the way that my son views it. He doesn't understand why anybody would take a chance at anything happening with somebody you don't want to be with for the rest of your life. I'll tell you this I never had that idea for him to have and I felt like dang, how did he grow up like that? You know he has parents that you know are working it out, and when I say working it out, it's like this is what parents do as they evolve over time. He's he's watching a product evolve that he didn't get, to see how it got to this point. He's just like these are my parents. They love each other, they do podcasts and the damn it. You know. Like they talk all the time when they disagree. They do this Like he's not looking at like laying down with anybody just to see how fun it is.
Speaker 1:He's looking at that as like he's endangering his life, unless it's somebody he's supposed to be with for the rest of his life. He just says all these people making mistakes, why are people continuing to do so? And I don't know. But if you believe you're doing the right thing, you can end up with a different story real quick. So I jumped on here just to gear you up a few things.
Speaker 1:If sex is a distraction for you, if sex can end your relationship, it's a distraction. There's no reason why sex should be able to If she decides not to have sex with you anymore. I know that sounds crazy. I know it sounds crazy, but I say it like this If you created a relationship without sex, the sex will come. But if you think it's that important, you're addicted. Hands down. It shouldn't be one thing that can make you destroy something you're trying to create.
Speaker 1:But if you think one way like this is the make or break, this is, I hear it then they got got other stories to tell. But if you are somebody who wants a story to tell, you need to investigate everybody. You can't just let anybody in, anybody just just to play with you. You're too important for real. You're too important and if you're out here having fun, willy-nilly're going to be from too important to. I'm destined to be in a constant war with somebody I don't even know raising this child and I don't even know why somebody would want that story. But there's story after story about those.
Speaker 1:So I said all that to say is that this sex is a distraction, because I'm just watching my son. And then how I got distracted where I thought it was that important. And to watch him, the way that he talks, he helps me understand like what, if I didn't grow up that way, maybe this wouldn't happen. You know, I'm saying that I was like dang. That's everybody you know. So if we're in a position to lead by example and share information, we're supposed to do it. So watching my son, I felt like man. If I had that information, there's no way I would have moved the way that I did. Oh my gosh, I was out here fooling because I thought that's the way which is supposed to do. But if you, if you think that you're important, why would you let anybody be able to tell you a story, especially for fun? That doesn't make sense. But you don't know until you've gone through an experience to believe that you're that important. You can't make mistakes like that. And then, when you know how important you are. It's very difficult to make a mistake like that.
Speaker 1:I feel like at this point everybody talks about what they want to be good in. I really want to be cold in this relationship and I'm going to tell you why. This is the coldest gift. No matter how much money you got, you want to do it with somebody and you don't want to take one story with another story. You just want to be already knowing how to get to know your partner. When you really commit to your person, you'll realize everything is just a distraction and it will prevent you from the fruits of the relationship.
Speaker 1:Nobody talks about it because people don't believe enough that if people invested in a relationship, like they invest in whatever they find important in life, just say like whatever you think you call that, say, if you good at hooping, you good at making money, you good at selling, number two should be competing with is like. I'm going to be cold in this relationship because I'm going to tell you, when you grow with the person, you get a different set of eyes and another perspective that you can't get when you're by yourself, because when you with you know woman after woman like they don't know the summation of everything. They can just go by this quick glimpse of whatever it's, as if you give them enough information. But I'm just saying it's always a better way to do something. And if you don't have that foundation, like my wife, I'm telling you, if men truly knew how I felt, they wouldn't make any more bad decisions because they don't realize how important they are.
Speaker 1:Imagine feeling like you found something and it only can get colder. Our relationship can only get colder. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, with an exception of death. We're going to get better at this relationship thing and when I think about it, the way that I feel about it, I'm out here trying to articulate the relationship is the coldest thing you can have in life because you have this counsel and you have your person, the Bible, and say you're supposed to like, you know whatever. A woman is supposed to take care of their day, their husband and all, whatever, something that a man wrote. The whole point I'm saying is like women don't even be about that for real. They only, in my opinion, they only have sex because they like us, because when you get in a real relationship, their sex drive it dies like it is.
Speaker 1:Then I started thinking like why she says she finds me attractive. You know, but it's because in my mind we're supposed to do it often and that was a poor message. Just imagine if you just did it once a month, you couldn't do anything. That once a month you couldn't do anything. That once a month is a different feeling. And then it's with your person. But when you do it and you think you're supposed to do it all the time, it gets old and then you start thinking, like this person ain't for me, because if it was for me then I wouldn't want to do this all the time and if it were for me they would want to. No, it's a distraction. Please believe it's a distraction. But if you think you're supposed to have it because we're animals and we've studied animals over time, it's a distraction. It's a lot of people are single because our communication is so poor.
Speaker 1:One day people understand what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, like make the relationship the second coldest thing in your life, like whatever you call them. Make a relationship second code. It's because I'm telling you when I say make me cold, like I can't even explain it to see, this is what I'm saying. I just think about where I am now, you know, like there was a rift in our matrix at one point where you know she had considered departing and I was just like what, what? I didn't in my head I had no idea. But I'll tell you this If it didn't work out, I think I would have tried like for the remainder of my existence, because my kids now got a butterfly effect because I couldn't figure it out in time.
Speaker 1:Could not figure it out in time. I think about that all the time. That's all my where are you? Meow? There's no such thing as catch me slipping like I don't like. All I care about is just being a better father and a better husband and a better teacher. Now, dude, I want to be covered with that.
Speaker 1:But overall, if you get cold in your relationship, your days are so much different. You start living in the day Like I don't look toward. Look, I was just telling her I'd be like Friday, be getting here so quick because I'd really be in the day. You know what I'm saying. And then when I'm there, you know I'm like man, life is good. Like when you could not look. Look, I don't even watch sports like that. I catch clips of what I want to see. Remove all the distractions and I just have all the time focused on the things that I find important. And my family is like the relationship I said the relationship Like I want to be cold at it. I know people don't be talking about it, but I be watching and I be taking care and at the end of the day, I'm just an example of everything that I've seen and I want my kids to be a product of that. I don't want them to have an excuse. My father didn't figure it out in time. So I create these videos hoping that some people understand what I'm trying to deliver, because I'm telling you, like you just one mistake away from I don't even know what that feels, but there's like a cold chill, like I couldn't even imagine not being here, like what was I doing? You know what I'm saying. So if you, a man, become cold in your relationship, when you become cold in your relationship, you look different, your product is different. You just enjoy life so much more.
Speaker 1:But we have to remove the poor messaging we've received. We've received a lot of poor messaging as men and we have to change the messaging period. If you are here playing a reckless, you don't realize how important you are. You can come up with a thousand reasons on why debt is the life you want to live, and I'll just say one thing if you really thought you were important, would you do that on purpose? That's great. Oh man, I've been talking too long.
Speaker 1:Um, I want to change that message. Sex is a. It's a huge distraction and if, if you got somebody close to you that's a man, and you believe in him, talk to him. Them, because I'm telling you, if you got a chance to do it right, don't follow the messages that will endanger whatever you think your life's supposed to be. You have that will, but I don't want you to get tripped up from the message that we were taught. This was all in our everything. In a science class they told us like this is, and I was like dang, maybe that was the message. It was like let's see if we can weed people out because they definitely I don't know. I was blessed and that's the reason why I want to change the message, because me and deserve a better chance out there because they look cold in them streets.
Speaker 1:I've just been thinking like so many of my peers is falling wayside due to health issues and people are single and I don't know what people are looking for, but we got a man who's going to have to realize he was following the wrong messaging, because it's way better with a relationship, especially the one where you feel like, hey, I don't look, how about this? I've never met a man that told me that him and his wife has a relationship anywhere remotely close to what I have with my wife. And when I say that I mean like if they did it, they didn't say it where it made me want to do it. So I'm telling you this, I'm trying to create words to tell you that if you really want to enjoy this body, this only vessel we got to ride it's called, when you do it, a person. But you got to let them know everything, because if you don't let them know everything, they can't protect you and so many ways you can be hurt.
Speaker 1:But it comes through intentional practice of like, becoming actively creating the relationship Hands down. You have to do it on purpose. If you don't do it on purpose, you just you hope you're a miracle. Y'all make sure they better than yesterday, don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a. Get after that action or that actual, and get after you. Be here on purpose, boom.