growNman
growNman
I am growNman 91 Embracing the Power of Meaningful Interaction: Uncovering Deeper Connections through Enhanced Communication and Boundary Awareness
Are you ready to transform your interactions and build more meaningful connections? This episode is packed with practical strategies to elevate your communication skills and understand others' perspectives deeply. We dive into effective techniques like the "five whys," a powerful tool to uncover the root causes behind someone's feelings or beliefs. By learning to ask more questions and reflect back what you've heard, you'll ensure accurate comprehension and reduce misunderstandings. Discover how these methods not only resolve conflicts but also enhance your personal and professional relationships.
Communication is more than just words; it's about intention, respect, and understanding. We'll explore how cultural upbringing and personal experiences shape our language and the importance of addressing potential triggers and boundaries explicitly. Learn why assuming others know your boundaries can lead to unnecessary conflicts and how to navigate these situations calmly. Effective communication isn't just a skill; it's a pathway to personal growth and well-being. Let's make today better than yesterday by committing to improving our communication skills, fostering better connections, and nurturing our relationships with warmth and understanding. Join us for an insightful episode that promises to make a tangible difference in your everyday interactions.
what up dope and welcome back to I'm growing man. It's your man, john d, in the building. Good morning, good morning everybody. Uh, winding down to a little more more than a week before I start back work. Uh, I have a couple of weeks off from summer school, starting at a new school. Really excited about that.
Speaker 1:I wanted to get on here, and everybody knows that I'm working on communication. So everything that I learned I want to try to be able to give to you guys, so that maybe you have less conflicts, create better boundaries and understand the message the person is talking to you. First thing I want to say is we need to ask more questions. I believe we don't ask enough questions. If it's something that you don't understand, something you don't like, something that offends you, something that you want more of, you should ask questions. What makes you feel that way? How did you get to that point? So could you explain more, because I'm not understanding.
Speaker 1:Recently, me and my wife did a podcast and she said that if you want to understand why a person feels the way that they do or why they don't so strongly, you should have five wives by the time you get to the fifth, why you understand where they got or how they got to that point. I do want to say this, though depending on how you say the wise because it's five of them they could think that you're being an antagonist and antagonist somebody who is intentionally causing problems because of whatever reasons. So you have to definitely decorate your why so that the person will give you as much information as possible. If you see somebody and they have something you want or they're they're doing things that you would like to do, if you don't ask questions, how will you ever get there? You would have to do your own research, but the information is really amongst us. We just need to know how to ask the question and how to practice the behavior so that we can get a different result. I do believe, before you come up with an opinion, an assumption or even a good response, you should repeat what you think you've heard, because this will allow the person who's giving you the message to process what they think they said and, depending on how you heard it, this person will be able to correct you or say you're absolutely right, and when you get to that point, it's less of an idea that a conflict will occur.
Speaker 1:I think that's really the biggest downfall of man is the lack of effective communication. We can have conflicts with people we love people. We don't know people we barely know. If you are giving somebody your time and a conflict develops, depending on who's more equipped to have the conversation, it could come out on the better side of things, but if both people don't know how to communicate, a verbal fisticuff could develop that could lead into things that nobody ever intended on in the first place. So if we as mankind can work on communication on purpose daily, I think we would get more help than problems amongst us.
Speaker 1:I really I've been working on this communication thing for intentionally, for like the last four or five years, my life has elevated in areas that I would have never known, and creating this podcast was to show other people that the things around you will improve exponentially if you work on your communication period. Your communication can get you help, it can get you understanding, it can get you ways to do things more efficiently. Questions there's a question for anything and the way that you ask it, you can get the answer and apply it to life and change how you move. But if you don't take communication seriously, you're going to complain a lot, you're going to argue. You're not. Not only that, you're going to believe that you're right, because some people won't even argue with you.
Speaker 1:Like have you ever heard I agree to disagree? Now, my wife knows I hate I agree to disagree because to me I feel like if you knew why I was saying it, you would understand. But when people like I agree to disagree, I hear I don't agree with you. It's not about you agreeing with me, it's about you understanding why I have my point and a lot of times, being a poor communicator, which I was in the past, I wouldn't allow the agree to disagree to happen because I feel like they didn't have time to understand where I was coming from. And a lot of times people say I know what you're talking about. If you did, you would say something differently, and that's the way that I feel. I really feel that. But I had to learn on my own that I was a poor communicator and that people was not receiving my message. And if they're not receiving my message, I have to improve or I'm going to have a lot of agree to disagrees. And I know that, if we ever get to the point of agree to disagree, that I was a poor communicator and I have to accept that. I believe earlier I said, communication could change like the results of your life. It really can.
Speaker 1:Communication is a protection, it's a protector of your well-being, but you have to know how to use it in order for it to be a true resource for you. A person with great communication. You can put them anywhere in the world. Anywhere in the world and he will be able to get out safely because he will be able to say the right words with a person who may not be familiar, may not even like them. They will be able to say the right words and say, hey, I am in the wrong place, I am not trying to ruffle any feathers, just tell me what I need to do and I'm going to get out of here.
Speaker 1:And a lot of times the way that we speak, our cultural upbringing could be aggressive, it could be disrespectful, it could be patronizing, it could be condescending. And once you understand that, everybody grows really started taking it seriously, like at 41, 42, and looking back. Just because we speak English, the same words, each word has a different weight according to how you grew up, just like the word love. I could love you. Somebody else could say it, but our loves are going to be totally different. There's no way they could be alike unless we sat down and said this is how I look at it. This is the reason why I look at it that way. But other than that, you just assume that somebody appreciates the word like you, and vice versa. So, intentionally, getting better at communication reduces people crossing your boundaries to cause a conflict. And when I say conflict, it's just a conflict, is just a disagreement. Now, a disagreement can lead into several other things after that. It can also create an energy in you that makes you feel like you have to carry.
Speaker 1:If somebody does something that you don't like. For example, if you and I are having a conversation, you say something to trigger me. If I don't say hey, what did you mean by this? When you said this? I'm assuming I knew what your intent was. But if we're friends, or not even friends, why is this person supposed to know that that was my trigger word? The idea that I think that somebody else is supposed to know my trigger word is unfair to that person. And now they're about to get into a conflict with you because they didn't know that they disrespected you. I tell, I tell all of my friends, my students, anybody's willing to listen. Disrespect has to be on purpose, like if I know this is your boundary and I cross it, that's disrespect. But if I cross your boundary and you never told me, you can't assume that I knew that. And a lot of times people assume that if you cross this boundary they did it on purpose. No, they didn't know that that was the boundary. And if you don't say hey, you know, when you said this, this made me feel a certain type of way and I was going to say something, but I just wanted to make sure. What did you mean by this?
Speaker 1:I know some people say I ain't got time for all of that. Well then, you got time to fight and I'll tell you this there's no fighting that ends up being a benefit. Nobody gets anything out of fighting. It's a temporary gratification and you've got to hope you win. And even if you do win, you've got to hope that the person received the message so they don't do it again. And if you didn't, let's say if the conflict comes to a point where it's a physical altercation, no, nothing's worth that. Anything could happen, an accident could happen, and I don't think we put that into consideration.
Speaker 1:When we, when we enter conflicts, we feel like we can control it, but most of us can't control our own emotions. So how are we going to control when anger is now getting inside of our body? And when I say that I mean like it's hard to control your emotions. When you're upset it's even more difficult and you may not even do anything. But on the inside it's just. It's like steam, like with a pot, like the top of the pot. It's just building and building and you don't want to become that person because you exploding. There are no benefits from exploding, none.
Speaker 1:Some people say you know, you need to let it out, you need to learn to find out why you're feeling that way, and a lot of times it's from other people not having the best communication practices. Through my journey with learning how to become a better communicator, this is what I've learned. People definitely like to talk about themselves. If you let them, if you ask the right questions, people can talk about themselves and you can learn from their experiences. But you have to believe that their experiences are worth listening to.
Speaker 1:A lot of times in conversations, we can take over a conversation because we feel like and when I say we I'm talking about the person that there's always somebody who likes to talk more than the other. And if you're learning from somebody and you're not aware that you like to take over conversations, this could ruin the energy that you're trying to create. And, depending on how mature the person is is receiving this information, it may not be any growing. So ask questions, make sure you give the feedback or the information that you heard. Repeat it so that the other person can say hey, yeah, this is what I meant, or no, this is not what I meant. Last thing, the way you deliver your information.
Speaker 1:We all know how to speak to strangers. When we want something, it sounds nice, it sounds warm and welcoming. We need to use that for the people that we love. Like if they make you mad, there's no reason to return that energy. If you love this person, you have to be more mature and being able to understand what they were trying to say. If you only see the ha, ha, ha ha, it creates immeasurable consequences. Immeasurable consequences.
Speaker 1:And if you take an effort in just becoming better and effectively communicating the results that you're working on, you don't even know what they're going to look like, because people will work harder for you. If they believe in what you're doing and if you know how to say it correctly, the word of mouth of others will be able to give you resources that you didn't even have. People like to help, people that know how to talk to people. You could be that person. Ask questions, give feedback and make sure you repeat what you heard so that they can clarify and, at the end of the day, listen, if you're not the ones talking, listen. Listening is by far the most important part before you ask that question, because if you don't listen, you could ask a question or make a statement that has nothing to do with what they're looking for. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.