growNman
growNman
I am growNman 90
From a man's perspective, maturity and consideration can be the game-changers in relationships. We'll discuss why treating your relationship with the same seriousness as your financial success can be life-transforming, and how money should serve as a tool to enhance, not harm, your bond. Proper vetting before diving into a relationship is crucial to avoid conflicts and achieve true happiness rooted in mutual respect and understanding. Tune in as I offer practical advice on learning from the right sources and staying focused on what truly matters, ensuring each day with your partner is better than the last.
what up, though, and welcome back to I'm growing man. It's your man, john d, in the building. Good morning everybody. Um, today is the first week of my vacation and I start a new job in a couple of weeks Really excited about it. But today's episode is going to focus on my interpretation of relationship foundation, or what we can do to help create it. If you don't have an example of it.
Speaker 1:I do believe that trust and vulnerability are key elements in establishing boundaries. In order to do that, you have to have effective communication. Without that, you can't properly set up boundaries. I think we have a poor perspective on what successful relationships look like, and a lot of times, if you don't come from a successful idea, you're just creating your own ideas, and if you're not creating it with your partner, there's going to be some assumptions, some misunderstandings and probably conflicts, and without effective communication, those conflicts could lead to why are you in this relationship, say things that probably aren't the best things to say, and not saying that those things aren't true, but it could be stated in a different way where the person can receive it, versus feeling attacked. I'm going to definitely play the role of the accountable male in my perspectives. I do believe that, as the man in this relationship, if this relationship don't work it's my fault. I selected my wife, she decided to take this journey with me and she trusted me to be able to put her in a better position Through this journey, being that I didn't have the best upbringing as far as what relationships look like.
Speaker 1:I had a lot of mistakes, a lot of conflicts where I thought I was right. Seeing how she grew up, I felt like I was doing better than her father, but I was still leading my family into a dead end emotionally because I just didn't know how to protect my wife. My wife had insecurities in the beginning and I think it had a lot to do with my idea of what I thought I should be able to get away with. Because of my personality. I used to be very outgoing, flirtatious, and they normally say you hear, women's intuition can recognize when something's going on, and I think women's intuition comes from the way that men operate. Being that, I felt like I was just being who I was. I didn't realize that I was making her insecure and the more I was being myself, the more I would hear things and I would say things like she's crazy, the more I was being myself, the more I would hear things and I would say things like she's crazy, she don't know she's talking about, and it kind of made her feel a certain type of way.
Speaker 1:And the reason I'm saying this is because, even though I was this person, when you come into a relationship your job is to become a better person. You're bringing your person you know you mean you to the relationship, but you're supposed to improve and if you think you're supposed to keep some of the things that could hurt her, maybe the relationship is not the best time for you. And a lot of times people use people's childhood trauma to call out people's insecurities, when, if you're in a relationship, your job is to protect that person. And I think the effect of communication. If you ask the right questions, you can find out why a person acts the way they do and then you can determine if this person is somebody you want to continue forward. A lot of times energy attracts energy, so you may think this person is for you, but if you don't ask the right questions, you won't find that out until you've invested your emotional part of your feelings in it and then it's really difficult to get out of a situation when you pass the red flags without asking the questions.
Speaker 1:Through the maturity of our relationship, it's gotten better through better questions, just asking why? Uh, they say that if you let a person talk, they'll talk about themselves for hours. You just have to have questions to get them to tell their story and I didn't learn that for years. So asking your partner why they feel about something, how did they get there? Is it a chance that they could be wrong? What can you do to make them feel more confident in the relationship? There's so many different things. I don't think there's a blueprint, although it would be awesome to have a blueprint of how effective a relationship could grow if you knew the right steps and trust. Vulnerability through effective communication can definitely create the foundation of a beautiful relationship foundation of a beautiful relationship. However, if you skip the effective question part, you're going to bypass warning signs that you would not normally pass up. But being that you feel like this might be a person, y'all have a connection like flags are there for a reason, and a lot of times we believe that we can will ourselves to make something better. You can, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be the most work possible. So everybody this includes everybody If you want a relationship, you have to ask questions to see if this is something you want to do.
Speaker 1:Being that I'm a man, being in so many different men conversations a lot of times looks physique, the material aspect of life, kind of overshadows what the man can actually deal with. I hear men talk about I need a woman to bring to the table that I'm bringing we could be a power couple. And then I look at them and they're like no, they don't Like. Men say they want a power couple but they want to grow with the woman where she becomes powerful. They don't want a woman that's already powerful because she's already established her own routine on how she got there. So a lot of the things that you feel like you should be able to get away with or say or do she's not having it. Say or do she's not having it.
Speaker 1:So if you don't build the wealth together, you finding somebody who already has their own could be a miserable journey in a relationship. And I'm not saying that women are wrong, but they have just as much right as creating their boundaries as men. But I do believe that I told my wife just yesterday, I think that, starting out that all women all of them want a great relationship when they get older. What prevents them from having that could be their childhood. Their parents was in a broken relationship, somebody was hurt so many different reasons, right. But before you're compromised and you see like the happiness of life is typically a relationship with kids, and I do believe all women want that.
Speaker 1:Now, on the other hand, I don't believe men go into that thinking that they think they're supposed to truly go on a journey of getting it all out, and I just had a conversation this past weekend. I don't believe that a man can really get it all out. You have to come to a level of maturity in your mind to say that you finding new partners is not in the best interest of your future, because one mistake changes all of that. You find that person. It's a safer role for you to be more responsible in case an unplanned incident happens. If you play that game with somebody you like, when you feel like you could go further with, you're more likely to enjoy this mistake that's been created. But if you're out here just doing whatever with anybody, you're leaving the responsibility or decision-making out of your hands, and I don't think anybody wants that.
Speaker 1:So as we move forward, me and my wife, like our podcast. If you haven't checked it out, it's called Doing Too Much. Her nickname is Do and I'm Too Much and it focuses on how she and I got to this point and it's been. I just recently made a post. It's my most prized accomplishment the relationship she and I have. I see other relationships. They don't sound like and feel the way that I feel like I have, like I'm so blessed I'm here talking about relationships and I feel like if more men knew that there was a happiness that they haven't achieved yet, I think they would try to get to it. They just think that the universe is supposed to come together and give them the person that they want versus the one that they need and, like I said, energy will complement energy they need and, like I said, energy will complement energy.
Speaker 1:So, if you have energy, that's up to no good, you're going to find energy of others that's up to no good, and that's where the mistakes come from, because the lack of communication will lead to a crash, a complete crash of what you thought your life was supposed to be. And then you know what happens when people end up in compromising situations like pregnancies or being emotionally involved with somebody and they're not involved with them. It creates a different person. You become a different person and I can't say it makes you a better person. Mistakes are you supposed to learn from, but once you have a baby or you get somebody pregnant, that changes your chemical makeup, because you have to think what if and that what if can make you a whole different person. And if you don't want to become a person that's not going to be able to look back, you have to make better decisions today.
Speaker 1:Today is really the only day that matters, and if you don't take advantage of it, you're more than likely going to complain a lot later or blame it on your childhood. This is what I blamed it on my childhood. I blamed it on my parents. When you stop learning, that's when you stop growing, and I've been in the marriage 16 years. The last five years by far have been the best years of my life. Five years by far have been the best years of my life.
Speaker 1:The first 11 was me just figuring it out, trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do to provide for my family and compliment my wife, and I was just going about it the wrong way. Now I live, I live to make her happy. In the day when she's happy, she's a, she's a better person. So her, her product is different person, so her product is different. And as long as I'm giving that peace start, I feel like my peace comes because she smiles, she sings, she's a better wife when she's happy.
Speaker 1:And I feel like, if we can accept the accountability, the email I got friends that were like you're not ever putting accountability on the wife or the girl or the woman Well, you call me a narcissist then, because I like to control the situation and I'm not very good at it, but I do know that I can control what I can control. And if I want my lady to be the happiest woman in the world, it's going to take effort and I feel like that effort will create a result that I'm looking for, that I don't even know. I believe in it. I don't believe that I'm going to treat her the best in the world and then, all of a sudden, she's going to take advantage of me. I hurt my feelings. That's the vulnerability that I've given to my wife so that I can get the return on it.
Speaker 1:If you don't know the return on your own work. You'll always have a ceiling on your growth, especially in the relationship. So as I continue to move forward, working on my communication and give you the feedback from my journey, I pray that you guys try new things, because if you don't try new things, there's no way that you can grow. You don't know what you like, you don't know what. You don't try new things. There's no way that you can grow. You don't know what you like, you don't know what you don't like, and that person with you learns so much from your responses on the things you say when you go through these experiences. So as you guys move on in these relationships and if your partner is insecure man, or it's your job to make her not insecure or him not insecure, you are doing something that's triggering their childhood trauma, like I mentioned earlier, or previous relationships. Now you can't say, hey, this person is holding their past against me and we can't grow. It's something you're doing that is not in the best interest of this person. If you feel like you don't want to change for that person for the better because you don't want to feel that way, you should have asked those questions before you got into the relationship.
Speaker 1:When you get in a relationship, people don't understand you're responsible for the other person happiness outside of them making themselves happy. Your job is to make them happy because if you make them happy it creates a different energy for them to be great. And I know some people say it ain't my responsibility to make anybody happy. They should be happy. You're right, they are, so they should be happy. But it's not your responsibility to bring grief or disappointment or anything that could change their mood, because you feel like you're being your unapologetic you. That unapologetic you is only for people that are single.
Speaker 1:When you're in a relationship, you should consider the person you're talking to and if you don't, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship. And if you find that offensive, talk to anybody that's in a happy relationship. And if you find that offensive talk to anybody that's in a happy relationship, it's not about you anymore, it's about them. If you do everything you're supposed to do, they will protect you. And again, I'm only reflecting in the perspective of a man. I feel like if men took, if they took the relationship as seriously as they take making money, they changed their life.
Speaker 1:Money is a distraction from the happiness in a relationship. Money can only enhance it. Money can also hurt it. But if you work on this relationship, money won't hurt the relationship because you're creating the foundation of it. A lot of times people think money is what's keeping it together and money could cause the problems. So if you don't do the proper vetting before the relationship, you're going to find conflicts that nobody else finds. I hope today's episode brought some understanding on the perspective of men accepted their role in leading. They were reduced the mistakes. But if you don't know what you're supposed to do, you're going to watch the people you respect or you don't just do it on your own. And the people that you respect don't always be making the right decisions. So be careful out there. Y'all. Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be grand on purpose.