growNman
growNman
I am growNman 80
The second half of our episode shifts focus to young men and the vital lessons of respect and communication. We emphasize the power of language over physical actions and the necessity of understanding and respecting boundaries. Our discussion centers on fostering a positive energy within relationships and the transformative impact of self-improvement and vulnerability. We introduce the motivational mantra "G-a-t-a" (Get after that action) as a call to purposeful action and personal greatness, encouraging listeners to harness their potential and create daily happiness through constructive communication and respectful interactions.
what up, though, and welcome back to. I'm growing man. It's your man, john d, in the building. How's everybody doing? Welcome back again. Uh, I just.
Speaker 1:I really enjoy this platform because it allows me to practice what I believe in and just try to give out some information to people who are just looking for a few more answers Not saying that I have them, but maybe I have a little more information because of my travel or my walk, my intentional need for more information, to grow, to become a better person so that I can help the next person, try to become the person that I want the world filled with. So just constantly trying to find ways to get better. I think the last episode I talked about was, I think, the keys to a successful relationship, which the key to a successful relationship is actually the friendship. Being able to tell your partner everything is ultimately what's going to help propel you to create a relationship. You're not familiar with it's. I can't explain it Until I am able to. I definitely recommend everybody to try to become vulnerable with the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. When I say vulnerable, I mean to the point where they know every one of your weaknesses and if they, if they don't get that, if you don't work toward that, it's hard to get to the place I was talking about.
Speaker 1:But not to get sidetracked, I want to talk about, you know, abuse. You know we're seeing a lot of things come out and I'm blessed enough to say that I don't think I've ever been upset enough to to want to hit a woman, definitely cussed a few women out from just ignorant behaviors, but that was when I was young and didn't know any better and it wasn't in front of anybody. It was, yeah, I guess. Whatever it was, it was and I can say it was because I was a horrible communicator. I felt like I was real stubborn. But I said all that because I don't condone any of it. It's unacceptable, any levels of it. I don't think anybody deserves any type of abuse Physical, mental, verbal.
Speaker 1:Anything abusive is not good and I will say this I was verbally abusive to my wife but I didn't know I was. She couldn't really explain it to me until I realized I almost lost my wife because I didn't know how to talk to my wife and the universe worked for me. For some reason it pulled the wool over my eyes and I just remember that day and she's got a better husband every single day from that day forward. And even the way that we talk now, like she says hey, you know, when you say this, do you have to say it this way. And I'm thinking like why do I talk to her like that? And I realized that some type of trigger that causes me to like feel like that's my, that's me hitting back and she doesn't even deserve it. But cause she don't even know what she's doing, because I can't tell her she's doing it, that's causing this reaction.
Speaker 1:I just know that that's a tough place to be when you're in a relationship and the person you know can trigger you to the point where you can practice poor behaviors. And you know, I said that to say that when somebody asks for an apology or asks for forgiveness, it's's only a true apology if it doesn't happen again. And I don't recommend anybody going back into a relationship unless they feel like 100 percent and I don't even believe in 100 percent, I don't even think it's possible Like without having some type of fear, can't be a hundred percent and say this person's not gonna do it again because you probably didn't know that they were capable of doing that and if you did, I'm sorry. You continue to go forward in a relationship that is not in anyone's best interest. Sometimes we learn behaviors from our parents and we accept a boundary that was never yours. Your boundaries will cross before you had an opportunity to set yours up and then find yourself in an abusive relationship.
Speaker 1:It's gotta be a tough position to play and I'm going to just challenge all of you guys who are in any type of abusive relationship to seek therapy, counseling, find a friend you can be vulnerable with and try to express yourself to see if you can come up with a different way to either get out of the situation or help change the behavior of the person. Because I'm just, I just I've seen some terrible things and it just it kind of gives me the chills that people feel like there's a darkness in your past that can make you act unhuman, like and I'm not saying that this isn't a real place, I'm just saying that it's got to be a tough position to be when that happens and I believe in forgiveness, but I don't think anybody can ever forget and that's hard to live with and I'm sorry to anybody who was hurt by somebody physically, verbally, mentally um, it's got to be a, like I said, a tough place to be, but at any rate, I don't want anybody feeling like they should remain in any type of relationship. That's abusive, because it's very rare that they improve. You know the person has to know that they're being abusive to be able to improve. You know, and if you can't express yourself in a way where the person is receiving it, you're probably going to be abused for as long as you remain in the relationship. And let me tell you this there's no relationship worth being in if you're probably going to be abused for as long as you remain in the relationship. And I'm gonna tell you this, there's no relationship worth being in. If you're being abused, there's nothing anybody can give you that can make you feel like you deserve to be abused. It's just going to harden you in ways that you don't want to be hardened in and you're going to become a different person and you don't want to become that person. You know you got probably kids watching you and you got to make them protect themselves in ways that they didn't even need to, because you didn't know how to protect yours.
Speaker 1:So please be mindful of the people that you engage with and everybody who has been hurt or abused I can send nothing but positive energy and let you know I'm sorry that you had to endure that and I'm not even gonna say what. Don't kill you, make you stronger. But I'm sorry because I don't believe you want to come strong in that way. You know, and I know that probably didn't mean much, but I wish I could do more, because I don't know a man I've never met a man that's been proud about hitting a woman and I can't say that I've hung with any men on a regular basis that even participates in that behavior. And I can't say that't know what goes on in that house. I just feel like it's got to be a different energy. People can't be faking it. They gotta slip up and say something crazy. You know what I'm saying. Like for me to like I haven't felt it. I guess I don't know what it looks like, but I want you to know that if any of my friends participate in any of that behavior, we would no longer be friends, because I know that's not something that you can just shake. Like.
Speaker 1:That takes like real deal effort, real work, real like intentional work, and I don't know too many men is willing to admit that they have a problem to that capacity. But hopefully this message reaches out and can touch people where we can find some improvement in areas for people to feel safe, because relationships can be a beautiful thing if you put the work in but doing anything to hurt it, you just create two different people for a pointless reason. I don't even know what your reason would be, but it would be pointless. If you think you can create a healthy relationship through physical, mental, verbal, any type of abuse, there's no way you can make it sound right, because the person that's receiving the abuse opinion counts way more than the person that's saying it's okay.
Speaker 1:My father, he was abusive, he was really abusive. He was abusive to, to me, but I never saw him abusive to a woman, to my mother or any other woman for that matter. But my sister saw it and I. And that was crazy too, because I can only imagine if I saw what type of person I would have been. You know, and the reason I say that? Because nobody wants to become that person. I hope nobody thinks that that's okay. I can see at one point in time where men were cavemen. Cavemen thought that was okay, but we're so far beyond that that. I hope that you know we can get some behavior change in the next generations, because no one deserves to be abused, not if it's going to create a different person, as they don't want to be.
Speaker 1:You know, and I'm not telling people how to live their life, but I believe safety is very important and in order for us to to enjoy what relationships were meant to be, we have to like find ways to improve in our own poor behaviors. If we don't correct our poor behaviors, our relationship can't grow. You know, you gotta, you gotta become a better version of yourself and create an energy between you and your partner, and you guys create a different energy and it's worth it. If I could give anybody anything. If you work on a relationship to the point where you get to this place, where you look forward to each moment, everything will make sense. You won't miss out on anything. There's nothing you will miss out on if you can get to what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:I have middle school students and I see kids hitting each other. I told them you know boys are stupid. I do say that. I say boys are stupid because you know they have ego and pride even at that age, on stuff that they know is wrong and they'll still argue and I'm like that's not like a man, so we stupid for a long time. But the problem is is I think it just is showing women that it's OK to be hit. And I told him it's unacceptable. I don't want you to think this is ever OK. If you think you end up in a relationship like this where it's physically abusive, you deserve better and I will not approve any of it. I told him I'm not an advocate for this and I don't even like you guys hitting each other.
Speaker 1:I told the guys I was like you guys are going to have to learn a different way to express yourself, preferably through language. Work on that. I don't know any woman that says I can't wait to go to school and get hit on. No, it's not the case. You know like I'm trying to show them. I'm like you guys are going to have to mature in areas or you're going to create bad habits that could put you in places you don't want to be. So my job is to like just give a little more information and hopefully they can change some bad decision making for later. Keep your hands to yourself, learn to love, learn each other. Become vulnerable. Find a place where you two create an energy that nobody else can touch, and you'll find that happiness on a daily basis. Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose. Bye.