growNman
growNman
I am growNman 72: Embracing the Depths of Partnership: Cultivating Lasting Connections Through Self-Reflection and Intentional Communication
Embark on an intimate journey with us, where I bare my soul about the continuous work and dedication needed to nurture the deep bonds of partnership. From the joys of shared laughter to the undeniable importance of personal accountability and confronting one's own past, I take you through the necessary steps toward a relationship that stands the test of time. With each anecdote and reflection, listen to how my own understanding of what it means to be truly connected to someone has evolved, as we celebrate the raw, unfiltered intricacies of companionship and love.
As our conversation unfolds, we tackle the art of communication, the cornerstone of any thriving relationship. Through my own tales of transformation, we underscore the profound significance of daily, heartfelt interactions that transcend the everyday banter. You'll hear how living with intention and striving for personal greatness can not only elevate your relationships but also enhance your life's narrative. Join us as we share actionable insights on creating a present filled with purposeful choices, all in the pursuit of crafting not just a better today, but a legacy of love and growth.
what up, though, and welcome back to I'm growing man shaman jindy in the building. Uh, I hope everybody's doing well. I wanted to get on here and kind of give my overall analysis of relationships. Some of this information may hit home. Some of this information you may not even need, but I know that throughout parts of my relationship I would have loved to gotten more information on what I needed to do to get to where I am. So I use this platform to share things that I believe that I've gotten good at over the years, and this enlightenment good at over the years and this enlightenment that I've received, I want to share it with others.
Speaker 1:Before I used to think relationships were two people coming together. They enjoy each other's company and they take trips, they raise kids, they smile, they host house gatherings, but there's so many other moments in the day that I just didn't know what to do, so I thought I was supposed to fill it up by having time for me, and that was a distraction. I guess. Talking to older people you know like I don't even hear older people that talk. The way that I feel, and my whole goal or intent before I ever got in a relationship was to make sure that I was going to be happy, even in an old age, and I grew up in an environment where it was regular for grandparents to have separate rooms. I saw that in so many different homes and I just didn't understand. And then, as I've gotten older, in my younger age, like the 20s and 30s, I understood why they would have separate rooms.
Speaker 1:But as I've matured into the person I've become today, I realized that people don't understand how much work it actually takes to have a successful relationship, and when I say successful, of course it can be subjective. But whatever your success look like, it's going to take time and it's going to take a lot of time and it's going to take an effort that you probably never saw in your own household, even those of you that have parents that are still together. You don't know how much work it actually took on a day-to-day basis, and I used to think that, because people came from a two-parent household and their parents are still together, I used to think that they could have possibly been well. I know they were a better example than I had, but I thought the example would be so, so much more that would cause them to be able to find the right, mate, and then I started thinking like, is it the men? But I think ultimately it's the person. You can't blame anything other than you, like you have to accept responsibility for the decisions you made and maybe the trauma you had for your parents to even get to that point. And he was like you know what? I don't want to do it that way. You know I enjoy them being married, but I don't want to do it that way. And I've seen people just go single and I remember it was a time where people did not want to lower their standards, but I think their expectations just was way too high and it wasn't had anything to do about standards. And as you get older, you realize that maybe this was not the best information and possibly you miss somebody, but I do believe that the person is for you is coming I really do, but there's going to be things that you're going to have to adjust and you may not be willing to do that until you're too old to realize the things that you're holding on to aren't as important.
Speaker 1:So the point of this entire episode was just talk about the effort that it actually takes to get to a place where you enjoy each other's company, no matter what time of the day, like my wife and I spend outside of me like doing podcasting on my own episodes and me studying typically their sleep anyway. But I'm with my wife 90% of the time outside of work and I used to think that who would want to do that? Like I thought I would get tired of her or something, and that was in my head. So I was like I gotta have my time, my me time, and you know I do things with the kids separate and all of that. But I realized I wasted so many years of the time needed to become a fruitful relationship Like you can live with somebody and they cannot know parts of you. You're cheating the relationship flat out.
Speaker 1:If there's anything that I could give to anybody who's watched me as a man deal with women, I wish you could see this part where I've had my idea of what a best friend was and I can tell you different parts on why I needed it and what they were there for and the ones that I consider my best friends today but none of them have what my wife has now. She has a part of me that I wasn't able to share, not because I didn't want to, but just because when you don't spend that much time with somebody, it's very difficult to develop that relationship. But if you're going to pick somebody to be with for the rest of your life, you might as well get to know them. And I was listening to recently a lady that said that people say you shouldn't just focus on yourself, like getting in a relationship helps you grow, and I can understand that, but they're just parts of a relationship I think that you don't want to deal with and you would want and hope. Well, I guess you know what they say energy attracts energy. So maybe you attract the energy that's supposed to help you out of your pitfall.
Speaker 1:And I used to be on. You got to just find yourself. But my wife's been here the whole time, so it wasn't like I was searching. She just happened to be a part of me when I found a better way to live. And when I do my analysis of our relationship, I don't even think. Well, I know that she didn't think we could get where we are now, but she wasn't doing anything to prevent us from getting here. I was doing all the preventing. I was throwing roadblocks, detours, but I didn't even know I was doing it when you're constantly filled with messaging from your childhood that you feel like is right. It's really difficult to relearn some new information, especially when you see the information that you learned as a child being practiced information that you learned as a child being practiced.
Speaker 1:It takes a very special person to say you know what I can do that life and personally, I would have loved to have the opportunity to not be exposed to that, because I would have been a better example. You know, as just a man, you know I had skewed views and I was a product of my environment, and now currently I'm just trying to find ways where I can continuously improve and be the example people need to see. You know I'm not saying I'm the best example, but I do believe I'm an example that's constantly trying to find ways to improve and I can live with that. Like, if anybody catches me in my darkest hour, I believe that I'm being the best example I can be and I really believe that there were times before I couldn't say that, and my darkest hour now is me sleeping. So that means you know that I'm constantly finding ways to, like you know, get better sleep so that I can do it all again, god willing the next day to improve on what I've been starting.
Speaker 1:For what I've been doing, this entire process is to just get better, just get better. And me becoming better in this process has made my relationship my most prized possession. Because as you get older, you want somebody you can do it with and you want somebody you can enjoy those moments where there's nothing to do, like you can just enjoy each other's silence. You know I'm looking forward to doing that with her. She doesn't get on my nerves and I know I get on her nerves still, but it's a type of nerve because maybe the way that I spoke to her and it reminds her of how I used to be as far as my tone and delivery. Sometimes some of the meanest tones through words can come out of my mouth. And it's not even me, it's just bad behaviors from my childhood that I'm still dealing with. That's the reason why I'm working on communication, because I don't want my wife to feel like I'm attacking her and I'm not To be honest about that, and it disturbs me that I spoke to people crazily my entire life. So those of you that have gotten the opportunity to catch up with me, my deepest apologies for ignorance and bad behaviors.
Speaker 1:Since I've come to the realization that I can become better. I've been working on it, and this relationship I have with my wife is so stellar. I felt like it was something that we were supposed to share with the world. I believe that I stand on it and I am looking forward to seeing what this relationship is going to continue to blossom into. You know, you would think first five years. He's these new, first 10 years. You know, like maybe what's going on? 15 years, though Come on, like we'll be 16 in June, and the feeling that I have for her now is better than the feeling I had when I initially was attracted to her, with all of the newness and the excitement. It's a different feeling and it's so much more exhilarating versus the newness of it all in the beginning.
Speaker 1:And I'm thinking, like people say you know, we fall in and out of love. If you understand the process of falling actually in it, you don't ever fall out of it. I can say that I used to think that, but now there's nothing she could do to make me want to fall out of love with her. Like she's awesome and I'm the type of person that I believe that I'm being accountable for all of my behaviors, all of my actions. So if it's going good, I can accept accountability in that, also because I was definitely destroying the relationship. Now I feel like I'm contributing and it's continuously growing in a way that makes her smile and it makes me smile on the inside, because she deserved it the entire time. I just didn't know how to do it, and now that I feel like I know how to do it, these are one of the things that I love to talk about. I feel like I could talk about relationships all day. No matter what negative perspectives people have, it's their own fault.
Speaker 1:And when I say that, if you accept all responsibility in your wins, you got to accept them in your losses. And when you accept them in your losses, you learn on why you lost. You find a solution in preventing that mistake from happening again. So when you start doing that and you start seeing the wins, who are you going to blame the wins on? You, right? The only way you can become extremely good in your relationship is if you accept the accountability that you lost. You lost because you lost. Maybe you didn't recognize what somebody should have that could compliment you, and if that's the case, you got to figure out what you were blind to, and once you really accept that responsibility, you lose less and you take more chances because you believe that you understand. So those of you that are in relationships, I challenge you have a conversation every day for the remainder of your life. For the rest of your life.
Speaker 1:Just say that, hey, in order for this relationship to grow, we need to have a conversation every single day when I'm saying well, I'm not talking about how was your day, I'm talking about why was your day the way it was. What know what? What? What created that moment for you to have a good day or to appreciate it? Like, talk about your childhood trauma, things that you put under the rug and you didn't even know. You know also, through this journey, I realize everything that you say you don't think about is still there, though, because if somebody brings it up, something reminds you it's still there. Can you imagine dealing with it? And then somebody can bring something up and it doesn't even cross your mind because you've already dealt with it.
Speaker 1:Unlayering yourself puts your relationship in a place where I don't know I will be able to share as much as I can, because Robert Green talks about mastery. With an exception of an abundance of money, I found mastery. I really believe that I don't even look forward to anything other than the current day. Now I definitely think about things that's supposed to happen in a week or whatnot, but I don't look forward to anything other than today, like the best moments are supposed to happen today, because I'm working on them, I'm creating them, and if you don't appreciate today, tomorrow won't ever come. You'll be living in this hamster wheel that you pretty much furnish yourself because of all the things that's happened to you. But if you can shake it, you can become this person that can make this relationship. Probably some of the best days of your life are ahead of you if you just put the work in. And that's where I feel. I feel like every day has been that blessed to talk about.
Speaker 1:Put the effort, work on it intentionally every day, no matter if you sit. Write a letter, write an email, send a voice note, give her information about you that you've never shared. Tell her why you thought that way. Tell her why some of the decisions you made were based off of bad information and you're trying to make it right. What can I do to make it right. I don't know how to do this. I've been doing it this way for so long and I thought this was the only way. Just be honest. If you don't be honest, you can't get here. That's for both of you. Get here, that's for both of you. If one of you cannot be honest, you can't get here or it's going to take a really long time for you to get there. But if you got the time, I do Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be great on purpose.